Friedrich Engels

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"A very cool and important man"

Friedrich Engels was Commie-terrorist, philosopher and Karl Marx's prostitute for a period of three weeks, after which he was traded for Adorno and forced to work in a cubicle with Dilbert. Though his parents are unknown, science has confirmed that his brothers were Che Guevara and the Jewish god Yahweh, each of them having obviously been killed during a hot dog accident within the Bolshevik section of the Second International.

[edit] Life

Nobody knows when Engels was born (except Engels, of course), but we can assume his birth was a very traumatic one from the length of the pubic hair dripping from his chin. It is known, however, that at the age of five Engels left his lover Billy Corgan for the more mature and ridiculous Karl Marx, with whom he freely provided intercourse until his death at age 13. Marx often complained about his manhood, making comments like "even I couldn't oppress a proletariat with a cock that small!"

[edit] Ideas

Though Engels had few ideas, he at point whispered to anarchist Bakunin that if one were to dress a giraffe in a clown suit, it would likely frighten other giraffes, to which the anarchists agreed. Also Engels is known to have been the first to put football in a sandwich, though scientists argue that this has actually yet to happen (though Billy Corgan has ceaselessly provided empirical evidence that in fact Engels succeeded at this task while the two made love).

[edit] Marxist Interpretation

Karl loved the stache rides.

Throughout the history of Engels there has been but one ultimate truth... class war. In the beginning his stomach fought his muscles, followed by feudal control in which his erection fought his superego, finally reaching its ultimate battlepoint at this moment exactly when his brain began fighting for freedom from his heart. When the brain revolution happens, the Brainsheviks will subordinate the heart class into the ultimate brainatarian paradise with equal amounts of blood for all organs and no competition between the lungs and the penis.