Frog
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“Is there a large frog in my hair?”
~ Joaquin Phoenix on his sanity
“Is that a hopping booger?”
~ A five-year old on a frog
The frog is the world's smallest hippopotamus, with an average length of five inches. They were created by world renowned bioengineer Dr. William H. Cosby M.D. They are known for attempting to mimic the instinctual behavior of the hippo (i.e. trying to flip boats over, bellowing loudly, generally being large and terrifying) but often failing miserably, because of their small size and their tendency to be stepped on by careless fishermen.
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[edit] Behavior
As mentioned previously, frogs have a tendency to try and emulate the behavior of fully-sized hippos. They often try to overturn boats, however they usually end up simply bouncing off the bottom of the boats comically. Likewise, they try to battle each other the same way hippos do, but usually end up simply swimming feebly into each other a few times. Their attempts to emulate the mating cry of their larger cousins can be heard in their "croak."
In recent years, Global warming has caused a mass decrease in frog population, because 99% of oil company owners are actually cleverly disguised frogs who are now jobless due to increasing prices. Frog taste good when eaten with tostitos and dip
[edit] Use as princess generators
Many women believe that making sexual contact with a frog can transform them into princesses. This is helped by the popular children's fairy tale in which a women performs Fellatio on a frog, and he rewards her by transforming her into a princess. Nowadays, however, such occurrences are rare, if they occur at all. Many frogs are angered by being stereotyped as princess generators, and many protests among frogs have arisen, though most of them end fairly quickly, with the frogs in question being stepped on. Many women continue to get themselves involved in sexual relationships with frogs, despite the fact that the species' reputation as being a species of small penis size, and domestic abusers has been ever growing. As one former bride of a frog said: "He screamed at me, and called me a bitch and a slut, then he got a broomstick and tried to beat me with it. Of course, he couldn't, because he was a fucking frog. Then I threw him out a window."
[edit] Use in agriculture
Frogs are a staple crop in such states as Kansas and Nebraska. They are raised from tadpoles, and when they grow into fully grown frogs, they are killed and sent to local grocery stores, disguised as apples. It is estimated that over 55% of green delicious apples in grocery stores are actually dead frogs, which are cheaper for farms to grow. "Frogs and apples taste pretty much the same, except frogs are juicier," said a prominent food expert, before vomiting several gallons of blood and collapsing violently.
[edit] Use in science
Frogs have been used for research throughout the centuries. Eighteenth-century biologist Luigi Galvani discovered the link between electricity and the nervous system by shoving a frog into an electrical socket and documenting the results. "We use frogs in our research a lot because they're easy to raise, and, frankly, because they're fun to kill," says a prominent scientist on his latest experiment (which was a study on how many frogs his roommate could chug in five minutes).
[edit] The running of the frogs
The running of the frogs is an alternative event to the running of the bulls, in which several thousand frogs are released in a street, and people run away screaming in terror. Often, plastic horns are attached to the frogs to make them look more menacing, though this usually has backlash, as the horns are usually so big that they squish the frogs or prevent them from moving.
This is part of a more general movement to make dangerous, bull-related sports safer. Other events include frog-fighting, which is identical to bullfighting except the raging bull is replaced by a fat bullfrog, and frog riding, which is identical to bullriding except the cowboy tries to sit on top of a raging frog instead of a raging bull.
[edit] Species of Frogs
One of the best known frogs is the Bullfrog, so called because it is the size of a bull. 5 and a half deaths a year are caused by Bullfrogs trampling, eating or raping adults and children. Bullfrogs are best known for being lovely characters. The Poison Arrow frog is approximately 4cm long and brightly coloured. In ancient times, people would throw them at their enemies. Tree frogs tend to live in high places and wait for their prey. They are approximately 3cm long. When they see the prey directly beneath them, they jump on them and devour them, usually whole. The tree frog diet consists of elephants and mosquitoes.
[edit] How to Look Like One
The internet is littered with articles about how to go completely raniform and look like a frog. You can find dozens of them by typing into google, the exact phrase "how to look like a frog", in quotes. Uncyclopedia will not be held liable for the results, however, so proceed at your own risk.
[edit] Frogs in religion
Frogs were released by God as one of the Ten Plagues of Egypt. First he sent them to France, then threw the legless frogs back into Egypt as he had no use for them. The magic of Moses helped duplicate the frogs and overran the Egyptian Republics (not the Florida grocery store), eventually saving the Jews/Israelites.
