Fu Manchu
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“I will say one thing about him, the sex has never been better.”
~ Oscar Wilde on speaking from personal experience
“Well, what can you say? 'Throw him into the pit of fire!”
~ Fu Manchu on quoting himself from his latest political broadcast
“I've never heard so much shit in all my life!”
~ Benjamin Telford on reviewing Fu Manchu's autobiography
Fu Manchu is a Chinese supervillain, body builder and former stare-out competition winner of 1983. Like most Chinese people, he wears a large moustache, owns a palace constructed through slave labour, and has a foxy daughter (see Asian chicks). He is renowned for his bipolarity, cruelty to animals and lack of moral and aural hygiene.
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[edit] Early Life
Born in 1642 to a Swedish estate agent, Fu Manchu was naturally bullied as a child. He was the first child to be conceived through the act of cybering, and so consequently was also the first person to be born from a 44 year old male truck driver from Ohio, posing as a 17 year old Korean girl possessing an uncanny talent involving the use of ping pong balls. The results were devastating, for as Fu grew up he, like so many Asian kids, had a crippling obsession with hentai and obesity. When He was 14, Fu Manchu was castrated within the confines of a Jewish prisoner of war camp, and was shipped out to Alaska to complete basic training at a maximum security guerrilla camp. It was there that he learnt to swing from tree to tree, eat fruit and star in various PG tips tea commercials.
[edit] Rise to Fame
After marrying and divorcing Hilary Clinton and both of the Olsen twins within one week, Manchu felt it was time to get a head in life, so immediately formed a business in Kent. Within only 3 short months, Manchu had produced the only commercial chain of stores in the British Isles that sold Inflatable human accessories to sheep. The industry boomed until that fateful day, when his main factory was ransacked by a group of Welsh farmers seeking the illegally introduced sheep workforce there. Distraught, Manchu decided to take up Marijuana, and so became 2004's leading act at the Woodstock festival, using lyrics provided by the enigmatic genius, anon. To Manchu though, this was not enough...
[edit] Later Years
Fu Manchu had had enough, so went into early retirement. He lives in the North Pole, along with intellectuals, Winston Churchill and Albus Dumbledore. He has, on occasion, come out of retirement to star in several feature length films, taking up such roles as Lo Pan, Dracula, Albus Dumbledore, Captain Caveman and the sexational Captain Clawcock.
[edit] Latter Years
Manchu is still in retirement; however his latest biography, sex lives of a bean bag tyrant lord is still top of the best seller list after four years whilst Quentin Tarantino has requested to buy the film rights. Whether or not Manchu gives a shit, is a subject of much controversy.
[edit] Lactose Years
Fu Manchu developed a serious lactose intolerance. In other words, he despised anyone who did not have sufficient enough digits on their feet, which was most likely the cause of his recent public attack on tree sloths. This attack caused a massive outcry, resulting in foot related censorship in the media. This is why Toto the dog (see the Wizard of Oz) is now called Tintin, whilst Tintin has become Tutu, and the Tutu has been replaced by the Can-Can (to the pleasure of many).
[edit] Controversy
There is much debate as to the penis length of Fu Manchu. If he were to follow the typical growth of an Asian male, his dick would be of microscopic proportions, however, as we all know Fu is a stud, we can only speculate that his penis must be comparable to that of a blue whale. When asked to speak on the subject, Mr. Manchu merely dismissed the request as an insult to his integrity as the pope, and went off on his roller blades to see the latest Rocky sequel.
