Fucktard
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 Captain Picard Is Aroused By This Article Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise (United Federation of Planets registration number NCC-1701D) finds the content of this article most satisfactory indeed. The gentle, flowing narrative prose contained within this article conjures memories of the smooth skin, supple thighs, and ratty knotted scarlet bush of Dr. Beverly Crusher. Which, if you're Captain Picard is quite a nice thing, I suppose. Speaking personally, that's one of the more revolting mental images of the day, but to each their own. |
“I try to have some sympathy for the poor bastards, but Jesus it's fucking impossible.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fucktards
“I agree”
~ Jesus on Fucktards
Contents |
[edit] Classification
Family: Fucktardae
A fucktard is a person who is usually ugly, short, balding (or you) and relatively stupid in most regards. They never seem to understand what the hell they are talking about, and frequently have issues with their asshole or some other orifice hurting. On occasion a fucktard will come to full fucktardness and attempt to push their stupidity on others, who will then quickly realize the person's true nature and quickly label him as a waste of sperm. Scientists count fucktards among the endangered species, aiming for extinction. (Example of Fucktard: Howie from Top Chef)
[edit] Finding a Fucktard
Fucktards are commonly found around the scum on the top of the gene pool. They are usually surrounded in their own filth and usually supported on some pedestal that they have built for themselves. Other common locations of these are usually in games or communities which seem to draw the attention by the use of on paper dick measuring contests. The fucktard usually shows its colors when it feels that it's habitat of super secret paper penis power is in danger of being discovered and will quickly try its best to secure its secrecy using flawed logic and accusations about things they know nothing about.
They also attempt to argue the meaning of well defined core words of the English language, like "or", "and", or "is" to bend the meaning in their own favor, despite the actual meaning of the word in much more reputable sources like a dictionary. In addition they will commonly attempt to argue with people who are professionals in their field over things the professionals have far more experience with.
A fucktard can also be distinguished from normal, health, sane people because they commonly say fucktarded things such as:
- 1) kthxbai (some sort of fucktarded slang for "okay, Thank you, Good bye!")
- 2) Rad! (short for "radical"
- 3) I'm fucktarded!
[edit] What to do when you meet a Fucktard?
When meeting a fucktard, it's generally a good idea to try to counter their stupidity at all costs. It has the potential of causing serious mental injury to those who try to comprehend it, and poses a serious threat to any standing order in a community. After realizing the presence of one of more fucktards, you should make sure to watch your girlfriends back, as the fucktard will usually try to make sexual advances towards her, which could very well cause her to go blind, crazy, or both.
Whatever you do, don't try to engage the fucktard in a serious argument - as whenever you come up with a valid point, they will accuse you of cheating. Experts agree that the best way to deal with fucktards is to leave them squabble among themselves, accompanied with a benevolent "STFU" and "get a life".
[edit] Noted Fucktards
- "Bros": Teenage-Middle aged men that wear ambercrombie and have poped collars, and they are also caught saying things like "bro" "dude" and "radical".
- George Dubya Bush: Inabillity to pronounce words like nuclear, fetus and underestimate.
- Randy Orton: Finds it amusing to deficate in the purses of women. Claims to have killed Santa Claus.
- Eric Cartman: Obsessed with others respecting his authoritahhhhh!!! Talks to his cat.
- Steve Urkel: Wears pants around neck. Has multiple personalities.
- Vin Diesel: Crashlands into a different planet every Tuesday. Believes that everything is an illegal street race.
- Your Mom: Insists on becoming pregnant every five minutes since the age of ten. Notably by Chuck Norris.
