Fullmetal Alchemist

• Lust: The resident h0r. Secretly likes to break out in showtunes. Is in a secret relationship with Scar.

• Pride: Really the fuhrer onoez spoilar!

• Envy: A crossdressing palm tree. Is always wanking off. Has had an affair with almost every character in the series.

• Gluttony: Fatty McFatfat. Lust's bitch. Was formally played by WWII veteran, and beloved newspaper monster, Ziggy.

• Sloth: Only Black man in the show.

• Greed: Pimpmaster x100. Arch nemisis of Roy Mustang because of the Riza Hawkeye affair; possible father of Alphonse.

• Wrath: Like Rosemary's Baby but Izumi's Baby instead. He/She? is annoying as hell, but also irressistably cute!

The N00Bs of Fullmetal Assholes

The Main Players

• Edward Elric: AKA "The Shrimp Alchemist": The main protagonist and one of the few sane people in the show. After abusing his mother leading to her suicide, and then abusing his brother and the laws of Equivalent Exchange to revive his mother to abuse her again, Edward paid the price dearly by losing his abusive arm and leg. Realising his mistakes, Ed revived Alphonse by binding him to a large trash can suit. Ed received metal limbs from his friend Winry, made from manualetter. Determined to make a right to his actions, Ed heads out to find the Red Glowing Rock to restore him and Al to normal. He joins the State Military to become a dog of the military, a State Alchemist. He succeeds in a bunch of crude exams worse than the ones in Naruto by performing a unique version of the Tango involving a large obelisk and a clapping technqiue. Ed becomes the Fullmetal Alchemist and now leads a life to restore his and Al's bodies and lives to the way they used to be, minus the abuse. Most of the events of the series are caused by Ed's headstrong and reckless attitudes and bad temper.
• Alphonse Elric: Ed's little-big brother, Al was the second main target of Edward's sexual fantasies, but unlike his mother, he fought back. After their mother died, Ed sacrificed Alphonse to revive her, but instead got a hideous heap of gore. Al lost his body to a Gate full of psychotic Cabbagepatch Kids. Realising his stupid mistakes, Ed superglued Al's body to a suit of trash cans using a seal of red paint. Alphonse became Ed's personal bodyguard, beating up anybody who gets on his short side, either with his fists or calm talking, usually driving the victim into suicidal insanity. Al takes up kitten huffing during the first season, but eventually gets over, huffing the snake chimera Marta inside his body until she gets maimed by King Bradley. Alphonse becomes the Philosopher's Stone after being fed cocaine by Kimbley and Scar, and sacrifices himself to save his brother and the show's falling ratings, regaining his body, but losing his memory and huffing skills.
• Winry Rockbell: Sexiest character in the series. Makes lots of fans get horny (ESPECIALLY user:Digimon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Known for going home and cranking up her radio to 'Made of Scars' by Stone Sour. She often masturbates using her wrench and whenever things go wrong she tosses her wrench at the nearest jerk, usually Edward. Her parents were molested and then killed by either Mustang or Scar, depending on which clashing universe you support. Winry discovers that Mustang did her parents in through two nerdy anti-Scar kids and is negative towards him. Winry's role is limited after that, only appearing to get angry fat guys in basements going. In the movie, Winry and her alien friend Sheska take a bombdive into the underground city of Moles to find Alphonse, reuniting with Ed briefly. Winry makes sweet monkey love with Ed before he leaves again. She spends the rest of her life living in Risembool making automail arms with her three-legged dog and crazy old grandmother.
• Colonel Roy Mustang: The coolest character in the universe, only beaten by Oscar Wilde. He is known as the Flame Alchemist due to his super-awesome explosive gloves that create flames. He is looking to become ruler of the world to make up for doing in Winry's parents as well as many Ishbalans. Not much else to say about him because he is so awesome, check out his article to behold the greatness that is he.
• Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye: Mustang's hot gunslinging second with very little personality. She can kill a target from ten miles away and if considered a suspect for the assassination of various American Presidents. She is really a werewolf and has gone behind Mustang's back a number of times with several men, including Greed, Envy and even Havoc. She has a pet dog named Black Hayate.
• Maes Hughes: A rather disturbing but friendly man who considers his daughter to be a retard and attempts to drive people insane by showing badly taken photographs of her. He can fight with knives he stole from his abusive father which he uses to stab through peoples hands when they do not look at his photos. Hughes was shot dead by palm tree Envy for taking photos of the latter having sex with Greed. He returned in the movie as a miserable Nazi police officer.
• Scar: A Satanist with a large X stamped into his forehead, Scar is one of the few surviving Ishbalans who were wiped out by the State Military for being apparent hippies. His right arm is actually his brother's, who died while attempting to create the ultimate tattoo, but it ended up on Scar's arm. Scar now despises all State Alchemists and blows up their heads for fun. It is later revealed that the Homunculus known as Stephanie (AKA Lust) was the girlfriend of Scar's brother but she died briefly due to not being loved enough. Scar was tortured by Kimblee, but he was then saved by his brother. Scar stopped killing State Alchemists and became a religious man, following the religion of Oscar Wildeism. In Lior, he planned to make the Philosopher's Stone by covering the city in the world's biggest, most complicated tattoo. He succeeded at the cost of both his arms and then his life when exposed to bright neon lights.
• Izumi Curtis: A teacher of alchemy, discipline and invading military buildings in cool ways, Izumi is Ed and Al's alchemy teacher, often teaching them the art by fighting them while reading a book about breast implants. Most viewers of the show come to watch her mainly to stare at her large cleavage when Lust isn't on screen - ironically the two characters are never seen together. During her training of the two boys, Izumi abandoned them onto on Yoshi Island in the middle of the ocean where they were attacked by foxes, Yoshi and a dog-headed man who liked singing songs from operas while beating the boys with a club. It was later revealed Izumi tried to revive her dead baby which later became Mokuba (AKA Wrath). In the end, Izumi left the show after discovering she was a lesbian and ran off with the black librarian from Central Library. Poor Sig pretended she had died.
• Hohenheim of Electric Lights: The missing father of Ed and Al, Hohenheim, or Hoboheim, mysteriously appeared out of the blue in Risembool to find his wife dead and his house burnt down. Hohenheim eventually met his boys again, although Edward went all Hulk Hogan on him while Alphonse was just glad to see him. In the anime, Hohenheim was the former lover of the Meatwad named Dante, and the father of Envy (ZOMG! SPOILERS!). In the manga, his body was raped and cloned by a guy named Father, creator of the Homunculi. Back to the anime, Hohenheim was sent to our world of misery where he became the sidekick to Winston Churchill. Hohenheim later died when Envy mistook him for a Snickers bar.
• Dante: Meatwad, also known as Dante, is a real jerk. At first she is an old hag but upon stealing another girl's body, she becomes a perverted but hot girl with a desire to make love to Hohenheim, Rose and Edward. She wants a new Philosopher's Stone to become more buttugly than ever. Thankfully though, she is eaten by Gluttony. HOORAY!!!

The Addams Family (AKA Homunculi)

• Lust (Stephanie): The first Homunculus introduced to the army of horny fanboys that make up the show's fanbase in episode one. Lust is a former resident Ishbal, known for dating Scar's brother. Lust can make hapless men do her bidding by jabbing her huge breasts in their faces; either that or shet threatens to casturate them with her extendable fingernails. Lust is followed by creepy fat guy Gluttony, who loves her for her evil ways. Lust has multiple counters with Scar who can paralyze her by swinging about an old locket. Lust also has a brief relationship with Wrath, until she betrays him for Edward. Wrath gets payback by destroying Lust's sexyness and then killing her with a cleaver. Her body was recovered by Robbie Rotten and taken to a shack in the middle of a swamp for some fun.
• Gluttony (Jack Black): Lust's obese bitch. Gluttony is scary, bald, fat and can eat through any material thanks to really bad dental work. Gluttony is obsessed with eating, particularly eating people and by the end of the series, he ate half the cast and crew of the production company. His pride and joy, other than Lust, is his huge bottom jaw, which is inevtiably destroyed by a drugged Alphonse. To make matters worse, Dante fed Gluttony penicilin, causing him to go mental. With the loss of his jaw, Lust and his sanity, Gluttony ate Dante, spent two years eating steroids and then attacked Wrath and Alphonse while they hunted for Edward's panties. Gluttony freaked out when Wrath suggested him going to Weight Watchers classes and he snapped his body in two. Alphonse then blew the two up with a firework, killing them. On the other side, Gluttony was reunited with his jaw, and Lust too. In the manga, Gluttony seems less caring about Lust's death and starts reading Playboy magazines. He is killed by Father after Scar blows out his insides, but is revived again, only to be eaten by Pride. What a life!
• Envy (Palm Tree Thing): Envy is a hard thing to describe. It is hard to say if it is a he, she or just an it. Envy is a mutated palm tree tranvestite who crossdresses in a weird set of clothes. Envy can shapeshift into any human form it desires, and often touches itself at night. Envy has had a fling with almost every hot character in the show. His highest number has been with Edward, then Wrath, and the apparently Greed. Envy killed Hughes for taping him and Greed going at it in the shower. In the end, it is revealed Envy is actually a male, actually the forgotten son of Hohenheim. Envy later became a huge dragon serpent thing to track down Hohenheim in Germany, only to be come a roasted kebab for the Fool Society. In the manga, Envy is not the son of Hohenheim, has no hatred for Edward, but is still a tranvestite. He attempts to rape Doctor Marcoh only to be bombarded by an alchemic hi-five and is reduced down to a little shrimp retard who is currently owned by Mei Chan.
• Greed (Robbie Williams): The Pimpmaster 3000, Greed was locked in the basement of Dante's summer home in Central City until he was freed by Scar. Greed gathered a posse of chimera rejects and settled up camp in a pub called the Devil's Nest. Greed kidnapped Alphonse so he could touch him up and attempt to find a way to make himself totally invincible. However, the arrival of Ed, Izumi and the brainless troops of the military cost him all his homies, money and home. Greed returned to Dante's house where exposure to bright neon lights caused him to regurgitate him hidden drug stash. Edward battled him and beat the everloving crap out of him, eventually stabbing him through the heart. Greed died in Edward's arms, revealing himself to be none other than Robbie Willaims.
• Sloth (Mrs. Elric): Sloth is the revived form of Ed and Al's mother (SPOILERS!!!!). She can transform her body into water after falling into a bath of chemicals. She disguises herself a wacky woman named Juliet Duggart, the secretary of the Fuhrer. She reveals herself to Ed in a tunnel and tries to have and orgy with him and Wrath. Sloth meets the brothers again in a warehouse where she explains Dante saved her and after two months of raping, she became a Homunculus. Sloth is killed by Edward throws bubblebath in Sloth's body, causing her to foam out bubbles and explode.
• Sloth (Bob the Builder): The manga version of Sloth has him as a drugged up version of Bob the Builder, no longer caring for the whole "can we fix it" routine but instead digging a massive tunnel around Amestris so Father can destroy the land in order to create the ultmiate tattoo. Sloth is a MacGuffin, capable of withstanding huge amounts of attacks from military men. He can even withstand tanks. However, Sloth is afraid of fangirls and runs for the hills if they show up.
• Pride (Not Telling): Pride is really the guy you never see coming. He is revealed to Marta the snake lady, his Orcaboros tattoo hidden in his eye. Okay, okay! Pride is Fuhrer King Bradley! Spoilers! ZOMG!!! Bradley challenges Mustang to a duel in the basement of his house, but is unintentionally killed by his adopted son who gives him the skull of Robo-Hitler, and Mustang then finishes him off with a malfunctioning barbeque grill. In the manga, Pride is actually Bradley's adopted son Selim - ZOMG!! Even more spoilers!!! Selim is actually the Tails Doll in human form, controlling the Cabbagepatch Kids as shadows. He also eats Gluttony.
• Wrath (Mokuba): Wrath is the cutest member of the Homunculi. He is the son of Izumi, mutated into a boggleyed baby and then sent into the Gate of Horrors. Wrath stole Ed's limbs and broke out of the gate, hiding on Yoshi Island until he was discovered by Ed, Al and Izumi. Wrath became a Homuncuus when Envy gave him free drugs and then had sex with him. Wrath became psychotic, wanting Ed's body for his own for neverending sex. Wrath was deprived of his limbs by the US Office of Illegally Attached Limbs, but Winry was nice enough to give him some automail limbs. It was revealed in the movie that Wrath is actually Mokuba from Yu-Gi-Oh, having been fired from the show and had snuck into production to get back into stardom. He and Gluttony both were killed Alphonse, Wrath meeting Izumi and Seto Kaiba in the Gate to be together forever. Love conquers all!

The Brainless Troops of the State Military

• Major Alex Louis Armstrong/Colonel Clean: The most scariest character in the show, Armstrong has been known for taking mass amounts of steroids, giving him a very muscular body. However, side effects include a deep voice, loss of hai, sudden emotional outbursts and the presence of odd pink stars. Armstrong is a State Alchemist and a very proud one, as most of his family have been in the state military. Armstrong is often considered to be asexual due to never being attracted to anyone apart from himself. Armstrong later was convicted of being a showoff, prompting him to go on the run. He started a new life, renaming himself Colonel Clean and appearing in shampoo adverts.
• Jean Havoc: One of the retards in Mustang's posse. Havoc is a clueless man who had his first ass raping on Mustang's desk. Since that day, Havoc has had very little luck with women. Havoc likes to smoke cigarettes and his entire house is covered in discarded spliffs. Havoc once attempted to date the hot sister of Major Armstrong until he discovered she was only interested in big men like her brother. Havoc was later bound to a wheelchair by Lust after attempting to grab her cleavage. He would later go on to become the man known as Professor X.
• Breda: Lieutenant Heinz Breda is a giant bean man, and Havoc's best friend. He is terrified of dogs, pesticides and Shirley Bassy. He also has a tendency to fart at inappropriate moments. Nothing more can be said about Breda because he is the most undeveloped character in history.
• Warrant Officer Falman: The uncle of Brock, Falman is a very stern man, who is actually still a virgin. Unlike his lovesick nephew, Falman is not really desperate for love, and more concerned about his duties as a member of the military. Falman has very violent fantasies on how to punish those who do not follow orders, but none ever happen.
• Sergeant Fuery: The youngest member of Mustang's gang, making him to the most vunerable to Mustang's sexual fantasies. He was the first owner of the dog Black Hayate until he was given to Lt. Hawkeye. Fuery has no skills at all, being useless in combat, gun fights and investigation. He is frightened easily, often leading to trips to the toilets. Fuery eventually became the sixth member of Mystery Inc.
• Lieutenant Maria Ross: A worrying woman who sees everyone around her as children and attempts to get everyone in diapers. Ross is accused for murdering Hughes even though Envy actually killed him disguised as Ross (although this is debatable). Ross fled the country and now lives in the swamps of New Orleans running a children's home.
• Lieutenant Denny Blockhead: The most incompetent man in the universe, Denny Blockhead is Ross' partner. He has a helpless crush on her, but is too thick in the head to admit it. When Hohenheim flirts with Ross, Blockhead goes insane and drinks himself to death. He is replaced for the rest of the series by Bert from Sesame Street.
• General Hakuro: A simple-minded man who eats jello, Hakuro is captured by a bunch of extremists on a train and has his ear blown off, although it grows back in the next episode. Hakuro hardly does anything in the show, and eventually is killed off-screen when he is hit by a go-kart.
• Brigadier General Basque Grand Asshole: The most hated character in the show, Basque Grand is an academy award winning actor. He is named the Iron Blood Alchemist and is renowned for his pointed moustache of evilness. He was heavily responsible for whipping Ishbal in the war, and has a deep hatred for everybody. His brain is eventually blown up by Scar who is annoyed by his unatural moustache. Nobody cares about his death, but Burger King got billions of dollars when Grand's body was minced into burger meat.
• Lieutenant Yoshi: A pompous soldier with a silver spoon shoved up his ass. He was in charge of a random mining town called Yousmell, but was so crazy about gold that he drove the townsfolk into poverty. Edward managed to trick Yoshi into handing over the ownership of the town to him. Yoshi ended up sharing a trash can with Oscar the Grouch, until he was killed by a spitward shot from the audience. Lust was held responsible for his demise.
• Sheska: A dopey but hot bookworm. She moved all the books from the Library of Congress into her house. Sheska becomes friends with Winry and they try to work out what caused Hughes to die. They eventually give up when the come across videos of Envy and Greed having an orgy and the Fuhrer singing in the shower. Sheska likes freaking out.
• Frank Asshole: A limey-face twit who likes looking badassed but is not, Archer is hired to be a new badguy for the second series but all he does is stand around and make crude smirks. Eventually, he is exposed to bright neon lights which incinerates half of his body and drives him insane. He receives automail parts and becomes the next Robocop. He is killed off by Lt. Hawkeye after he calls Mustang uncool. He briefly returns in the movie as an even more limey-faced circus guy.
• Zolf J. Kimblee: A cereal killer who is related to Bomberman. Kimblee was thrown in prison for blowing up a busload of nuns, and Ishbal too. He was released by Greed and briefly joined his gang until Archer gave him the skull of Eurich from Hamlet. Kimblee joined the military again to blow up more stuff. He attacked Lior only to have his chest blown apart by Scar after he murdered his tattooed brother.
• General Grumman: A nice old man who enjoys playing chess with Mustang and being generally lazy. How is it possible he became leader of the military then at the end of the series?
• Joquiz Thunderbolt: Archer's bitch. Nuff said.

Everybody Else

• Old Lady Pinako: The short elderly grandmother of Winry. Pinako lives in Risembool, where she constructs automail for her visitors. If someone doesn't like her automail, she shoots them with a rifle and drags their corpses down to the basement when she buries them. Pinako had a previous relationship with fellow automail mechanic, Dominic, but when she sealed his eyes shut with a stapler, their relationship ended.
• Rose: Actually Sakura from Naruto, Rose is a hapless girl from the desert city of Lior. As Rose, Sakura believed she would be more useful and popular then she was in Naruto. However, she ended up becoming an even more helpless girl who worships a bald pervert who fools her in believing she will revive her dead boyfriend (apparently named Kane, although he is actually Sasuke Uchiha). In the end, she was brutally molested by some drunken blonde guy and gave birth to a baby. She was so shocked so lost her voice. However, Rose was returned to normal when Edward beat the heck out of Wrath.
• Father Cornholio: A thumbheaded priest in Lior, who seems to like talking repeatedly of butts. He is actually a failed radio DJ who tries to force the citizens of Lior into become hippies and conquer the world. Cornholio also had a Philosopher's Stone for a ring, but he only used it to make cool machine guns and ugly looking bird monsters. It eventually blew up and turned Cornholio's arm into a giant bologne sandwich. Gluttony ate Cornholio's arm and a group of vengeful vikings attacked Cornholio.
• Cray: Cray is Cornholio's sidekick, and is apparent follower of the Sun God, Loreal. Despite his apparent religious ways, he attempts to kill Ed and Al with a gun, twice. He is also known as Beavis, and is a real ass. ("Hehe, you said ass.")
• Lior Shopkeeper: A poor, suffering shopkeeper in Lior who has an awesome moustache. It is so awesome. Not as good as Eggman's, but still awesome.
• Trisha Elric: Ed and Al's mother. She was one of the main reasons half the stuff happened in the show. She died in the third episode, then her body was used by Dante as a Homunculus.
• Bald: A stroppy jerk who cosplays as the Fuhrer, has an automail made from paper, and easily is angered. He and his team of bozos attack Thomas the Tank Engine and capture General Hakuro in an attempt to stop the fighting in the Middle East. He is beaten by up Ed, Al and Hughes, and later set on fire by Mustang. He spends the rest of his life working as a toilet cleaner in a strip club. But nobody cares.
• Shou Tucker: Also known as the "Sewing Shirts Alchemist", Tucker is a nerdy weirdo who turned his wife into a Digimon in order to win the lottery. He succeeded, but attempted again, the second time using his daughter and dog. He succeeded, but they were later killed! Tucker was taken to Laboratory 5 where he attempted to revive his daughter, but instead became a Digimon himself, Tuckermon. Tucker spent the rest of the series appering as a background character with a creepy whispering voice.
• Nina Tucker: The adorable little daughter of Tucker, Nina was smarter than she looked, actually knowing the entire study of biology. She and her obese dog Alexander liked Edward and Alphonse seeing them as brothers. She was sadly turned into a Digimon with Alexander by her crazy father. Nina escaped into an alley way where she met Scar. Feeling surprisingly sorry for Nina, and disliking Digimon, Scar helped Nina...by blowing up her brain and leaving a big splodge of blood across the alley way! It was a very sad time. Tissue boxes became the highest selling item in America after Nina's death.
• Gracia Hughes: Also named Glacier. Hughes' wife. Apparently she is older than she looks and may have been responsible for the sinking of the Titanic. After Hughes died, Gracia took up smoking and volleyball lessons, allowing her daughter to run riot. In the movie, the alternate world Gracia owned a flower shop and terrorised her customers with her evil monster plants.
• Elicia Hughes: The rebellious daughter of the Hughes family. Elicia was born on Edward's birthday, and she now brought his bad luck on every following birthday. Hughes deeply loved Elicia, regardless of her terrible behaviour, often driving his fellow military friends crazy by waving photos of her in their faces. After Hughes died, Gracia gave up on life and allowed Elicia to run riot, doing all sorts of bad things including graffiting outside their house and torturing Sheska whenever she visited. Elicia secretly hates her mother and blames her for killing her father.
• Berry the Chipmunk: A large rodent who likes killing people for fun. He attempted to kill Edward and Winry in his hippie van, until Al and Hughes came to their rescue. Berry was then put in a cool suit of armour like Al and made a guard of Laboratory 5. Berry encountered Al again and tried to make him think he was Bill Crosby. Berry escaped when Scar showed up. Although his anime counterpart died during a shuttle launch, his manga form lasted much longer, trying to hit on ever woman he saw, until he was eventually sliced to pieces by Lust using a cheezegrater, and his blood seal scratched out by his former body using a coin.
• Doctor Tim Marcoh: The former Crystal Alchemist, known for making fake crystals and Philosopher's Stones from pink dungerees, Marcoh fled the military during the Ishbal Massacre after witnessing Mustang kill Winry's parents. He hid in a village where he was a doctor and pathetically changed his name to Master Mauro. He is still alive in the manga, being Scar's sidekick, and even more scarred than Scar actually is. In the anime, he was captured by the Homunculi and eaten by Gluttony. Poor guy.
• No. 66, the Slicer Brothers: A samurai guard of Laboratory 5, the Slicer is actually two men for the price of one. The older brother is the helmet and the younger brother is the body. There are two blood seals keeping the men from dying. Both battle Edward as one force, but they are eventually defeated. They then reveal they are actually Freddy Krueger and that guy from the Saw films. The Saw films guy takes his own life with one of his weirdly complicated traps using a whisk and a car engine, while Freddy is sadly killed by Lust, using his ripped off claws.
• Marta: A former girlfriend of Indiana Jones, Marta is a hot snake chimera with the ability to extend any part of her anatomy. She like saying "damn" a lot. Marta inhabitated Alphonse's body during the time he was held captive by Greed, performing a new form of sex upon him, "Armorsex". She eventually left after Greed was killed but met up with Alphonse in a random town of some more Armorsex. Wishing to avenge her dead friends by killing Kimblee, Marta instead discovered the secret identity of the Fuhrer and got killed for it, meaning no more Armorsex for Alphonse.
• Loa and Dorochet: Too of Greed's minions, who are also cast members from the Indiana Jones series, and are also chimeras. Loa is fused with a bull and can grow large spiky headbumps to chase people wearing red. Dorochet is part dog, meaning he lifts up his leg to pee. Both escape the military with Greed but then die fighting the Homunculi. But sadly though, nobody cares.
• Bido: A creepy stalker lizard-man, Bido tried to stalk the Elric boys during their time in Dublith visiting Izumi. He teams up briefly with Kimblee to blow stuff up, but he is killed in the assault in Greed's hideout.
• Ishbalans: There are a bunch of random Ishbalans who are friends with Scar, although they do not help with the plot in anyway. Among the group is an old ugly man who committed alchemy, Scar's cool teacher who respects Equivalent Exchange, two annoying kids named Rick and Leo who lost their blind mother during the Ishbal Massacre, and their old grandpa.
• Russell and Fletcher Tringham: A pair of brothers who impersonate Ed and Al during a standup comedy act but the dumb citizens of Xenotime mistake them for the real brothers, so decide to go along with it. Both are treehuggers and members of Greenpeace. They are hired by Mugwar(the guy with the unpronouncable name) to create red water and then get locked in prison for it. Ed and Al free them and they all have an orgy off-screen. Both later help Ed locate the secret entrance to the Homunculi's hideout, having another orgy with him.
• Mugwar: This guys name is unpronuncable. He has creepy eyes and likes making guns out of lanterns. He is thankfully crushed by a boulder before he messes up the entire concept of the show with his weird name.
• Majhal: A lovesick man wearing a wig. His lover, Karin, fell off a cliff and apparently died. Majhal used the Autons from Doctor Who to try and revive her, with little success. He is killed when he calls Ed short and gets a sword up his ass.
• Lujon: Another lovesick man who loves Lust. He is generally a useless doctor who tries to save him village from Wrinkleitus created by Envy. He is killed by Lust when he tries to touch her in sensitive places.
• Lyra: Desperate bride to Lujon, Lyra keeps seeking attention and eventually dies from a heart attack.
• Alfons Heiderich: The Earth counterpart of Al. Alfons is a Nazi pretty boy who likes building rocks. He has a bag cough and is dying. He helps Ed return home by knocking him out, putting him in a plane and raping him in the process. He is shot by Lieutenant Hiss.
• Lieutenant Hiss: A snake-like Nazi military goon who likes saluting a lot. He wears a bra under his uniform and believes in demons.
• Haushofer: A Nazi scientist who looks rather horrified all the time but is a nice guy.
• Dieting Eckart: Leader of the Fool Society, a group of morons supporting the Nazis. Eckart is actually a blonde-haired Dolores Umbridge, hoping to go to Whambamshalam to rule the world. However, she is driven crazy when she meets the Cabbagepatch Kids in the gate and dies when shot by Officer Hughes.
• Officer Hughes: The Earth counterpart to Hughes. He is no longer wacky, but a dribbling and boring Nazi pretty boy who hasn't even got the courage to propose to his wife Gracia.
• Fritz Lang: A Jewish filmmaker also known as Dr. Medusa. He is the Earth counterpart to King Bradley and has a normal eye. He hunts down Envy in his dragon costume to use him in Jurassic Park 1923.

The Black & White Gang

These characters are only seen in the manga, due to their non-importance in the anime. Xingese Emperor-to-be Ling Yao makes a cameo in the anime.

• Ling Yao: The twelfth son of the Xingese Emperor, Ling Yao (like so many other anime characters) never opens his eyes but yet can still see things. He seeks the Philosopher's Stone to heal his dying father, even though he could become emperor more quicker. Ling is pretty good with a sword, easily outwitting and capturing Gluttony. He is later taken over by Greed, becoming an emo.
• Ran Fran: Ling's bodyguard and girlfriend. She chops off her arm to feed it too a dog.
• Mei Chan: A little girl from Xing. She has a small retarded panda riding on her shoulder. She can't make her mind up on who she loves. The candidates include Ed, Al, Scar and Yoki.
• Father: The manga's villain and Hoenheim's brother. He created the Homunculi and is drawing a giant tattoo across Amestris to blow it up and become the ultimate tattoo god. However, he was accidentally killed by Envy when he burnt off his testicles while lighting a cigarette.

Some Fun Information

According to a few fans,

• Janurary 5th Elricest Day
• February 18th Denny Broshe Day
• April 12th Elricest Day
• May 1st- Alphonse Heiderich Day
• June 1st-Turn Your Kids Into Chimeras Day
• June 6th- Dante Day (Only on the 6th year of every century)
• June 11th- Pairing Wank Day
• June 18th Pimpmasta Roy day
• July 2nd- Maes Hughes Day
• August 9th- Jean Havoc Day
• October 30th- Al Elric Day (because He's really just another fanboy Ed cosplayer.)
• October 31st- Shapeshift Into Your Favorite Alchemist Day
• December 31st- Zolf Kimblee Day