Furby
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Date of birth: | 1997 | |
| Place of birth: | Hasbro | |
| Nationality: | Hasbro | |
| Known for | Ally of Oprah and Micheal Jackson | |
|---|---|---|
| Occupation | enslavement | |
| Children | are slaves to them | |
| Website | ||
Number of People Killed by Furbies Since you started reading this page
    
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“Aw... look at cute wittle cwitter. Come here you wittle... AGH! MY UWETHWA!AHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHH!”
~ Elmer Fudd on Furbies
“Furbies...ATTACK!”
~ Al Gore on Furbies
“Please don't listen to what these people say about us furbies. We are actually a kind race that means no harm to the children. So don't be afriad to leave us alone with your young ones. ”
~ King Furby on Furbies
Furbies or simply Fur(b)y, are, first and foremost, evil. They are alien creatures led by Satan, Dr. Phil ( who hypnotizes little children into thinking they like furby with in depth talks about noththing that no one listens to or understands he also uses the reflection of his giant ugly fat head ), Oprah Winfrey, Timonthy A. Turner, Tourettes Guy and his good friend, Al Gore who disguise themselves as cute toys for unsuspecting children. The only way to kill a Furby is to microwave it.
Furbys come from the planet Zoltron, on the outer edges of the milky way galaxy. In the 1960's, the U.S. government sent a space team to Zoltron to collect Furbies for use in government reconnaissance. Most historians now believe this was, like the amnesty bill, a result of faulty intelligence and a really stupid idea.
[edit] Furbies Unleashed
Furbies were invented in 1997 by evil Hasbro agent Oprah Winfrey who had previously become the leader of the United Federation of Furbies. Three dozen kids were found dead the following Christmas. Their toys were suspected to be the culprit in their murders. Federal troops stormed the Hasbro plant, however none survived. In retaliation, several Furbies took up a bloody campaign of guerrilla warfare that has claimed the lives of several thousand civilians worldwide. This has included a vast amount of propaganda that has allowed their continued production and hurt the recruitment of the most successful anti-Furbie groups.
[edit] What types of Furbies are there, and what you should watch out for
We don't know what Hasbro has in store for us, but what we do know is this: Hasbro has created the following:
- Hitler Furby (comes with miniature concentration camp and 6,000,000 Jewish Furbies)
- Obese Furby
- Jesus Furby
- AIDS Furby
- Pimp Furby
- Peter Pan Furby (keep away from children)
- Polygamist Furby (complete with 40 other Furbies - some could possibly be Mormon)
- Inside-Out Furby (comes with real squishy guts and lasting odor!)
- Zack Sterm Furby
[edit] Physiology
Furbies are small bird-like things resembeling the thing from grimlins with a taste for human flesh. Furbies have large ears, which are used for eavesdropping upon everything around them and reporting it to King Furballshitzon of the planet Furballfuckix.The "fluffyness" of Furbies is a biological adaptation which developed generate affection from humans, specially females, which enjoy Furbies rubbing their coconuts. Beware, Furby coconut rubbing is extremely addictive. The only recorded event occurred with a certain gertus cordus (gerta) who im afraid is still being rubbed by a furby as she cannot live with out it. Furbies come in many colors; generally, furbies with a cool color scheme are female, and Furbies with a warm color scheme are generally male. Brown and black Furbies are considered to be transvestites. The color of a Furby is determined by sex hormones secreted from their butthole.
Furbies have beaks. They use these beaks to separate Nitrogen from the atmosphere. This is their prominent means of respiration. Furby's feed off words, and when they hear a dirty one, they tend to repeat it as a sort of "throwing up" mechanism. Furbies send all their words consumed to King Furballshitzon, who exchanges the words for semen. Semen is a special treat for Furbies.
Furbies have eyes... they can see EVERYTHING... even you....right now.
If one was to turn around the beak of a Furby, one would find a long appendage attached to the "tongue", and antennae of sorts used to send any information they have gained for the demise of earth to the signal receivers on their home planet. Furbies not only give this information to the kind, but also sell it to terrorist organizations such as Al Queda and Hezbollah. The FBI (Female Body Inspector) has been conducting an ongoing investigation as to the Furby's involvement in the 9/11 attacks.
Furbies go back to Furballfuckix once every 5 years to mate. This explains Furby's absence in the early 2000's, but a resurgence in populartiy in 2005.
Furbies vaguely resemble Teddy Bears crossed with Owls. This is simply a disguise to give humans a false sense of security.
[edit] communication
As discussed above, Furbies communicate primarily through the shapes above their eyes. However, they are also fluent in a language called, unsurprisingly, Furbish.
There aren't enough words in Furbish for effective communication, so the creatures augment their own language with English by fucking the info, along with the brains, out of people thay are near. Their English vocabulary grows as they spend more time with humans. Conversely, the intelligence of the humans around them declines at the same rate.
Furbish, though, is surpassed by the true language of the Furbies. It has no name pronounceable by humans, and sounds remarkably similar to static. It is primarily composed of buzzing, beeping, clicking, and whirring noises, some of which are intelligible to electronic devices, such as vacuum cleaners, and make them explode.
Near the end of their lives, it is possible that they will make a neverending, monotonous buzzing or high-toned screeching sound. This means that they try to distort your brain as a last evil deed before they die. Be sure to throw them in a microwave when this happens.
Michael Jackson is one of many notorious furbies who has "adapted", thus allowing him/her to lure little boys into his/her lair, Neverland.
[edit] Mating
Though information concerning the mating and spawning of Furbies is scarce, it is generally theorized that for a period of two weeks at random time intervals, Furbykind unleashes a swarm of its young upon most industrialized nations. After exchanging seed via IR, the inseminated female lays a clear plastoid egg sac, all of which have been found inexplicably in McDonald's Happy Meals. Baby Furbies are smaller and experience a severe lack of motor/vocal control until maturity, at which time their full destructive capacity is reached. Malnourished and abandoned baby Furbies frequent yard sales and campfires, where it is thought they forage for food.
[edit] Souls and your Furby
A fact some people refuse to believe (Since they are hypnotized by Furbys) is that Furbys will consume your Soul. They Don't need it, they'll do it just for fun. They discovered three ways of stealing human souls:
- injecting-By singing stupid songs,they slowly steal your semen.
- slowly stalking you at night then pouncing.
- By using a "bad touch", don't tell any body or else uncle furby will kill you.
A Furby can steal souls of a dozen people in only one Day.
[edit] The Furby Empire
It has come to the attention of various space explorers that the Earth is in fact part of the vast Furby Empire. However little more is known than this because the Earthling explorers have yet to reach the borders of the Furby Empire because once they get outside our solar system the furbies teleport aboard our ships and entice the pilots back with cute fluffiness...if this doesn't work they systematicly devour the occupants of the space ship.
Currently, the only earth-based furby kingdom is the one of Uganda, which is at constant war with the Booga Booga kingdom. Turist lured into this country cross into a spot where 6 dimensions meet and never come back, as they're eaten.
Most Recently Christy Hemme was attacked by a furby and lost a toenail which cannot grow back now. It was replaced with a bionic toenail which scientists are expecting to take over the earth on July 13, 2008.
Furby Incidents The first furby attack on a human was in 1996 when a wombat Furby accompanied a group of school children on a camping trip. While singing to the campfire a kid's pet dog was barking to death as the Furby devoured it. The kid threw the furby in the fire, but it just jumped out and bit the kid's flesh off his face. As everyone was screaming, the furby was chewing out peoples adams apples and limbs.
[edit] Furby in Foreign Policy
The furby has been used for may years in the acquisition of intelligence. The KGB used Furbies in the Cold War era because of their imbedded recording devices, decievingly cute exteriors, and ruthless interrogation techniques.
During WWII, Adolph Hitler instituted a ban on Furbies (even though he was one) because they were related to Jews. Hitler was also half Jewish. Please see the article on hyppocrites. He declared that anyone who harboured Furbies would be condemned to die by taking one of Adolph Hitler's multivitamins with a martini. Hitler's multivitamins consisted of cocaine, morphine, oxycoton, and marajuana.
In more current events, Furbies are used at Guantanamo Bay Detention Center to interrogate terrorists. The Furbies are trained at Fort Bragg, North Carolina to spit pork at potential terrorists, and to imitate the rap of Ludacris in their high, annoying voices.
The Belmont family was hired to eliminate the Furbies in Europe in 854, as they were under the suspiscion of vamparism. Half the Belmont family was wiped out in missions, and Dracula had his face ripped off by a rouge furby, and then sistematicly devoured there rest of the poor little children.
[edit] The Looks of the Furby
Though seemingly cute, furbys, when soaked in water, multiply rapidly, much like gremlins. They come in a variety of colors, and tend to dress as evil dictators, when they believe everyone has left the house. Go ahead, set up a camera. It's true. But beware, they are best kept in cages.
[edit] Dropping Your Furby
Well, something seems to happen to the inner workings of a furby when it is dropped. They no longer speak furbish...No, they now speak in satanic devil tongues. From first hand expierences, it has been concluded that the most common reaction from a dropped furby is,
- "FURBY ANGRY"
Once you have heard the yell of an angry furby, you know what to do.
- GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE AND FIND YOURSELF A MICROWAVE!
[edit] Micro Waves and Furby
Microwaves of any sort have an interesting effect on the Furby, causing it to go insane, speak Furbish and screech and call you names. This the Furby's vain attempt at trying to take your soul, sanity and anything else you might have (Your car, watches, even your pet toaster...). This is a common execution method for Furby haters, or "the Enlightened". Who seek to destroy all Furbys. This is the only way to kill them. It is a common misconception that simply taking the batterys out will also work. this is not true. They simply use batterys as a way to fool you.
This is the only true method of killing them:
