G-Police
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Even I haven't played these games. They don't even look so bad that they're good, y'know?”
~ Oscar Wilde on G-Police series
The G-Police series (released in 1997 BC on the Playstation -14)are narrowly accepted to be the best sci-fi piloting games ever to be set totally in orbit around Jupiter. Developed by Psychotic studios, the plot is set sometime in the future (I want to say 2087...?), and revolves around Slater, a new recruit to the G-Police of Callisto (indeed, the G in G-Police is an abbreviation for Callisto) and show him defending the civilian population of the small moon from crime and overcrowding with vast amounts of indiscriminate gunfire.
[edit] The Corporation Wars
The first game, 'G-Police - Will This Game Sell?', begins with Slater joiing the G-Police to investigate the murder of his sister, Eleanor II of France, who also worked for the G-Police before her "mysterious" death. Since he is an atrocious detective, the plot plunges into an illogical all-out war between G-Police and the large military corporations of Krakov and Nanosoft, thus allowing Eleanor's murderer within G-Police to defect and appear at the end of the game for you, the player, to kill.
In the final level, you have to fly inside some big ship and blow it up from inside. Think of the end of 'Return of the Jedi', when Llando finally gets his act together and does something useful. With this, the war is won and everyone goes home for tea.
The gameplay was 'Fly around and shoot things'.
[edit] The Other War
Impressed by the handful of sales that the original game made, Psychotic studios released 'G-Police - We'd Like To Make This Series A Trilogy, So Please Buy This Game' to widespread apathy. While the gameplay remained the same, the player now had a whopping 5942 vehicles to chose from, most of which were unarmed. It is believed that the plot had Space Marines in, although Games Workshop denied this vehemently.
After going home for tea at the end of G-Police, the criminals who had kept their heads down during the war re-emerged and began making more crimes than ever before. The not-Space Marines arrived to help the G-Police to kill these shits, only to be seduced by the dark side themselves. Their leader, Grice Bad Evilmonster, decides that Liquid Snake would be a perfect role-model and declares war on Reality. Unable to send Mr T, Chuck Norris and Alyson Hannigan to Callisto in time, Reality is forced to create a new hero: and he is Slater, the veteran pilot from the original game. Despite being lumbered with 5937 unarmed vehicles, Slater defeats Grice's fleet by shouting loudly at the Marines until they failed their Leadership tests and began to retreat.
In space, Grice considers bombarding Callisto with his large battleships, only to get bored and decide to invade Earth (which would obviously be less well defended than the backwater planet of Callisto...). Slater prepared to pursue this SOB, but sadly the third game never came out. A Psychotic studio agent blamed this on terrorism, and so George Bush invaded Afghanistan in order to avenge this tragic loss to gaming.
[edit] What Happened Next
Using recently enearthed slabs from beneath the Psychotic Studios temple, we can piece together the events tht would have occurred in G-Police 3. Slater would have chased Grice across the Solar System to Earth, fought him, and won. The End.
