G4 (television)

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about G4 (television).

G4 is an American television network devoted to the greatest shows known to mankind. It was founded in 2000 by Charles Hirschhorn, Pee-wee Herman, Hitler, and Hurricane Hugo as a response to their AV Club instructor's challenge to "make a TV network worse than C-SPAN". This challenge inspired the creation of the G4 network - devoted to "games, guts, gore, and garbage from other networks". It is currently run by Hurricane Hugo, who overthrew Hirschhorn in a bloody coup known as the Attack of the Attack of the Show. Unbeknownst to most viewers, all material shown on G4 is written and produced by a ham sandwich named John.

1 TechTV Invasion
2 Current Status
3 Programming
4 Links
5 See Also

[edit] TechTV Invasion

see G4-TechTV War for more information

While G4 was doing a fair job of accomplishing their goal of being "worse than C-SPAN", no sane cable or satellite operators would carry the channel (this, of course, excludes Comcast, which is not a sane cable operator) and Time Warner cable (also insane, and formed an unholy homosexual alliance with AOL). Because of this, G4 decided to invade TechTV, which was carried by most sane cable and satellite providers, evidently because it was actually good. This resulted in a vast increase in G4's availability, but resulted in the outbreak of the G4-TechTV War between G4 forces (led by Charles Hirschhorn) and TechTV forces in Canadian exile (de facto led by Leo Laporte). Recently, TechTV forces scored a string of victories in the G4-TechTV War, which began with the victory at the Battle of Call For Help and culminated with the firing of Charles Hirschhorn as head of G4 forces. However, this string of victories seems to be short-lived, as extreme hard-liners (led by Hurricane Hugo) took the network in an M-rated battle known as the Attack of the Attack of the Show of the Attack of the Show Screen Savers. As G4 Official Dictator, Hurricane Hugo has promised to increase the amount of garbage from other networks (at the expense of games). According to some G4 insiders, he plans to make G4 into a network similar to the UK Hitler Channel - and may even be considering renaming the channel - to US Hitler Channel, or possibly G4HitlerSpikeMTVOxygen, or simply HOMOTV. His takeover was applauded by a few Comcast executives but jeered by TechTV fans, who were dumbfounded that hard-line G4 clerics, rather than underground TechTV operatives, had taken over G4. The only problem is ever since TTV was invaded, TTVers everywhere won't stop whining over a TV channel.

Recently, G4, with the help of Star Trek mercenaries, successfully drove all remaining TechTV forces out of G4 territory. Excluding the ever elusive and popular X-play double agents. However, TechTV forces continue broadcasting operations from exile in Nunavut and the small island of Podcast. G4 soldiers are equipped with forum blasters and web-chat banners, these are used when someone says the word penis (Oops, I said a bad word. Forget that I ever said the word penis. {Damn, am I going to get banned for saying penis? [shit. I should stop saying the word, penis.]}), and full on gay boner guns.

Note: The TechTV forces in Canadian exile are legally referred to as G4techTV Canada, because of their indeterminate status - however, the G4 is widely considered to be silent by Canadians.

[edit] Current Status

G4 currently is broadcasting programming with people who are paid to pretend to know things about video games, technology, and sex.

Intel (currently the top choice)
Comcast Really Awful Programming (CRAP)
WTH Network (Worse Than Hitler)
SWN (SpikeTV Wannabe Network)
G4StarTrekTV
Ultra Mega Giga Turbo Network
STTV (Star Trek TV)
FOX²
Johnny's Xtreme Network
Time Warner Cable (The one with the shitty DVR's and black repair guys that are afraid of dogs)
FAUX
Al Jazeera
SameShitDifferentChannelTV.net/com~org/user.html
LandfillTV
Video Game Sex
Sex in a closet with Oliva Munn (who is a whore)
CrapTV

Despite the full broadcasting schedule, G4 is banned in the state constitutions of 47 of the 50 United States as a dangerous drug (it is available via prescription only in the other 3 states).

In Canada, where TechTV forces hold majority control, the percentage of "games, guts, gore, and garbage from other networks" is much lower, and thus the network is fully legal, unlike in the United States.

[edit] Programming

Shows on G4 controlled by G4 forces include:

Tranny and Homo: the New X-Play
Cheap Tranny Tips and Tricks with Morgen Webb
The Show
Attack of the Show
The Phantom Menace Of The Show"
Attack of the RELAUNCHED Show
Revenge of the Show
Stacked
Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith
Keenan and Kell
Attack of the Revenge of the Show, Special E³ Edition (seen yearly)
Defeat of the Show
Attack of the REBRANDED Show!
Attack of the REVAMPED, RELAUNCHED Show
Attack of the Ninja Show
attack of the Darths show
Attack of Marvin the Robot Show
The Man Show
The Woman Show
The Worm Show
The Transvestite Show
Attack of the Man Show
Attack of the Revenge of the Man Show - TURBO EDITION
Attack of the GameSpot with GaMeRuInEr
AOTS ROBOT EDITION with AOTSBot
The sequal to AOTS
AOTS for the small screen
Attack of the Show: Carbon Copy Edition
AOTS brought to you by Stickam
Nigga Stole The Show!!
The Sesspool hosted by Adam Sessler
ショーの攻撃!
Him, Her, He & She
Morgan Webb Hot Tub Chat Room
The quiet hour with some dumb asian chick. Oh, It is Olivia Munn! Dumbass.
227
The Jeffersons
Full house
The touch your penis show
Don't watch this, the show. Attacking!
A bunch of Old Asian Dudes running around an obstacle course to achieve a title that affords them no real luxury, and trying not to fall into some nasty ass water that is always either green or brown. (What the hell is up with stanky ass Japanese water? Hello, it is called a water filter!) Oh and the contestants always try to advertise their own shitty businesses, which is stupid. The show. Attack!
Samurai Warrior: Pressing Charges Above You
Adam Sessler Touches a Woman
Meet the Sess
Totally Amish Behavior
ILLEGAL Credit Card Numbers by Bender
Attack of the Sheep
William Shatner's FUNTIME HOUR!
The Extreme Savers featuring Leo Laporte
GTA: b-UST-ed
Windows Major Exageration
Last Year's Worst Games
The Cosby Mysteries
Black to the Bitch
Invasion of Canada
US Forces retreat from Iraq
Gilbert Gottfried in his Natural Enviorment
Fanboys Look!!!, It's Gilbert Gottfried!!!
It's Always Sunny in Morgan Webb
El Amante Robotico
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Live!
Kevin Peirra Attack!!!
I've got the brain!
Cliche Plot
Wired for Steve Sax
I can't believe it doesn't suck
Druged Up Black Guy driving an Indestructable Car
Danger Doom: The Series
The Amazing Race: G4 Studios
Best Of Sex
Face Compression Systems Live!!!
The Extenze Infomercial With that Porn Chick Who Keeps Talking About The Product But Never Actually Says The Word Penis, But We All Know She Means Penis! Damn It Woman, Just Say It!! You Too Infomercial Co-Stars!!
Klee Irwin Explores Your Encrusted Colon and Flushes it Out!
1-310-979-5000
What are you Doing?
What are YOU Doing?
Gun Avatar
Aperture Death Cube Live!
Dragon Fury
Off The Chain
Come On, Man!!!
Mooninites Invade Boston!, The Aqua-Gate Convortosy
We are the Mooninites
Human in School for Animals featuring his Gym Partner which is a Monkey
Offensive Japanese Game Show
Clothes Off!!!
Watch, Play, Win!!!, HYPERACTIVE!!!
Kevin Peirra and the Alternate Universe of Evil
Office Jesus: Destroying the Establishment
Mortal Kombat: Finish Him!
Limphobia
Why isn't he getting charged?
Park: Revoked!!!
Stickin It to the Man
Xtreme Intern Chair Racing
Too Many Goddamn Interns
Where Da Interns At?
The Sims: Live-Action
omg heroes!!!
Home Invasion Cam
Halo 3 Beta (people who got it and people who don't)
Eh???
Lucy is GONE!
Digital Digs
Wired for Tex-Mex
Legiticorp Pitch Meetings (compliments of your American Express card)
Which cable network will G4 buy next?
Spacekataz
Somebody Scream
Totally Stupid Behaivor!
Totally Rageous Behavior
Fridays in 3 hours
The Dream Lab
Identical Families: Isn't it amazing?
Japan Horse Betting
Screwed! with Sargent
The Lush for The Stupid
G4's attempt to be hip with the geek crowd Yo!
Mooninites: The Game for the SNES
HEY BITCH!!!, Where's my Car?
Intense Action Squad: Roll of the Magical 8-Sided Dice
Late Night with Tommy Tallarico
187: Sex with a Woman!
schoolLive
SDU: Sign Destruction Unit
Reverse WOLVERINE!!!
For Nizzle, My Snizzle!!!
I can't believe this!
Bitch-Slapped: Revenge of the Backhand
Paid Programming
What?
Who are you?
Bitch!!!
NOT WARHAMMER!
Jack and the Beanstalk with Jack Bauer
The Exact Same Show with a New Face
Carl Winslou as Daredevil
How much we hate what?
We love you so very much
Secret Agent Whisky: Second Assault
Ph34r My 1337ness
Afro Zombie Power ACTIVATE!!!
No Duh Bitch!
Master Shake's G-Spot
Three in the Morn' Looking for the Porn
24: The minutes you weren't supposed to see
24: Alternate Reality: C23A4B32ES8
24 Seconds
Madness, This is Bullshit!
Kevin Perierra mentions TWiT
Prision Break-In
Idiots on an RCT Forum
Pr0n: The Future
Read
Star Trek: The Worm Generation
G4 V.S. TechTV
Stay Plugged-In
Father & Daughter
Mosted Stocked Sites!
Dancing Is Forbid
Fastlane: L&M
Slowlane
Fastlane: San Andreas
Wormlane
2252: The code that unlocks the ankle monitor and the one that opens the door to the Interrogation Room in CTU
SPAM and VIRUSES, Directly from your TV Screen.
Satan And The Schoolgirl
You *** me up!
STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!
Who's Line Isn't It Anyway
Battle For The Mountian: Extended Edition
Bill Gates having sex with Dogs!
Robot Break Dance Squad 3000
OMFG GEARS
Adam being Stealthy
G4's Thursday Night Lineup
Idiots Jumping Around
Meatballs: The animated 2D series
Grand Theft Auto: The Series
Two and a Half Men
Kill Him
Assissany
Maniac!
United Kingdom of AMERICA!!!
Pathetic Attempt to be Sexy
Franklin Comes Alive
WHERE IS IT!?!?
Finish Him!!!
Universal Maddness
QB, Vision of the Stripper
How long is your Penis
Star Wreck
People Everyday: BLACK Edition
This is an AR Game you Idiots!!!
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Live-Action Counter-Strike
Gizoogle Thiz Shit!!!
Dead Or Alive: Extreme Sexiness
Hey Dog, Where you At?
Considilation Presented by E!
Anna David's Personal Rehab
Attack of the Penis Jokes and the Show that Shows them on Show. Show.
Pimp my PC
Pimp Myself
Pimp my Grandma
GRENADE!!! with Keifer Strifferland
G4's cancelation of other shows.
Isn't That That Same Asian Guy From Before?
COPS: Bad Boys Edition
Coming Soon: asian chick
New sets are ALSO coming soon.
Sighs from people dissapointed by the New Sets
The Prisioner Remake 2007 Edition
UNHilarious Videos from NotYouTube.com
Slow-As-Hell Internet Connection
G4's Half-Ass Coverage of CES 07'
Titan 2142: Lag FTW
Face HD
Thunder Force Awesome: The Series
WTF!: The Show
So I think you can't dance?
McAfee Parental Control Suite with Anti-Virus Spyware Firewall 2010 Beta 2 Pre-RC1 Update Rollout 2
Tommy Snider and Tom Peters
HULK Smash!!!: The Show
Spacekataz: Live-Action
Cops: Physiclogal Department
Picks and Pans presented by that Pizza Place
Where is Johnny Xtreme?
That's so NOT Raven
GUN!!!, Bitch make me a sandwich 4-8-12-16, Attack of the bitch having sex with the show, Baby!!!, UNRATED EDITION!!!!!!! Yo, SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!
Slowlane: Hyperspeed
Anime Freaks: A Look at the G4 Forum Signature Pictures
MmmmHmmm
Cloned Children from a Wharehouse
Dark Side of a Face
... ..- .--. . .-. / .... .. --. .... / .. -. - . -. ... . / .- -.-. - .. --- -. / ... .... --- .--
Hello???
Your Probally a Sockpuppet
The Daily Sockpuppet
Comments from the CEO of G4, Neal Tiles!!!
Only One BANZAI!
No BANZAI!
Formula D on ESPN2
Cops
Cops
Cops
Cops
Cops
Cops
Zorx the Comedial Genius
The Life and Times of Wil Wheaton
Dance, You Fool!!!
Spot the Block
His Niece was Murdered
We're merging with Spike
WOAHOMFG!!!
An hour of Black Music Foo!!!
Star Trak
Star Trek: Party Line
Star Wars: Get Away from her you Bitch!
Samurai Soldier
People Holding Computers: Naked
The Action W5 News Hour
Do you realize I'm an Action Hero, And that I don't have time to take this crap!
The Hell?
You Moron!
Public Domain B&W Late Night Hour
ICONS: Non-Gaming Edition
I can help connect the dots
Bullshit Filter
What's This Do?
Sublymonal Advertising
Morgan 10 Second Spot
4N1C@T3
Your Ad Here Present's Adam Sessler & Morgan Webb
Oh Come On, That was Hilarious!
Fantastic 1,000,000: The Series
Sudden Appearences from ComicCon
Not Really Live From ComicCon
How Many Hairs are on Adam Sessler's Head?
The Adventures of Bob & Steve
悩みのWindows: SU182版は、無限の可能性今始まる。
His Head has been Chopped Off!!!
What's going on with the laid off Aquisitions Staff
HeadOn: Apply Directly to the Forehead
G4's Coverage of the Faster than the speed of Time Race Event
Mission Impossible: TIM (Truley Impossible Mission)
Hilarious Situation Comedy
Extreme Hardware Sex XXX (NO KIDS ALLOWED)
Who Got Game?
Possibilites Everywhere Man...
5 Cent: Bulletproof
Battlefield 2: Real Life
Boost Mobile
NOT live from Las Vegas
"Unconventional" crashes of Airline Flights
TrekTV
Connecting With Everybody with The CW
Adam's Web
Time's Up.
Forgettable...
Please fear this man
The Block with Leo Laporte
What's you complain about Windows ME
Intruvise Advertising w/sound, THE SHOW!!!
The Simpsons in 2D
I'll be Back!!!
Aw, Did you see how I stuck that landing?
WTF?, This was Awful!
Things Change for the Worse
Family Ties
D-Year 2006
8-bit comedy of non-epic proportions
The new sitcom that will be off the air in 2 months
Safe Sex show will be off the air in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Well that was dissapointing.
The Great Laser War of 208763
You are Watching G4!
John-Matrix showed me this path
Rachel Blakes Boring Travel Show
Blackwatch Terrorist
Kill that BITCH!!!
Totally Wasted
BRAIN!!!!!
Fizzox!!!
TechTV: The Show
Congratulations Dude, Your still gay!
Crack LIVE!
Jaikuing and Shizinit
People with Extremly Long Legs
The Cool Place Reality Series from G4
Attention Y'All
Who killed your father then?
Ironic Turn of Events
I can't believe it is crap
The comedy with the Sci Fi, Horror, Action Twist
Night of the Living Dead: Totally Interupted
The TV Guide Hour: What Else You Could Be Watching Right Now!
This is the game,WE SWEAR!!!
Greatest Sleep Aid in Years
EXTREME Pong
Traditional NOT Technology Show
Oh Dear God No!!!
GO, GO, GO!!!
Word, G!!!
Something good on G4 (coming eventually)
Moar Shows!
Developers!, Developers!, Developers!, Developers!
Pay your respects to the All-Mighty Kevin Rose
Squirrel Boy: Cancellation Edition
Everything's better in Widescreen 16:9 Aspect Ratio
G4 has gone black Yo'.
Rapebot 2000 Live!
The sequal to Rapebot
Gay: Happy and Homosexual
Daily uncited song from YTMND
That was not excellent service
Pun Freaking Intended
MY ALERGIES!
It's not holding
Were Outta Time featuring Leo Laporte
Only One Weakness
"We admit, We have no announcement."
You choose YTMND Mod 2007!
Why is this shit on my screen?
24: Cable Aquisition Unit
Hasbro Infomercial (aka Non-Action Blast)
Neon Sign: Inside the Bar with Kevin Rose
Cinematech: Nocturnal Emissions "Yes, THOSE emissions"
Extreme Makeover - Video Game Edition
Console Wars: The Second War
Artillery at your Area
We totally got your info.
3 Guys and a Hotel Room
Nominations for the Longest List in History
People Panicing Around for No Appearnt Reason
My Brain is Melting: The Mini-series
The Foriner Belt
Party Hardy!!!
Woody Allen's Fall Project

commercials

Thank you for paricipating in this computer-aided erinchment center activity.
Your not even trying are you?
Foriegn Delicies from other Broadcast Networks
Rock the House, and Everything IN IT!!!
メガ極度の超楽しみのイギリスからの狂気の異常な日本のゲームショー。
Count Your Sheep: The Animated Series
Warz, 24/7/365 Coverage
Biology: Twistory
Pick up on This
Not very funny
iFeed
Thank you, Now
South Korean Easily Digestable Bread
Cops with Crap crammed on screen
****ing Windows 98
Exagerations: XXX Edition
ありす幼稚園: 開発を阻止した時日本からのアリスの幼稚園からの脱出からの: 部2の抽出ポイント
Super Ultra Hyper Crunk Hyphy Mega Bots-- Xtreme!
EBgames' Game We Want You To Buy This Month
Canceled FOX show of the Week
Arrested Development V.S. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
8-Bit Sex
Panzie.
Found 4.0
Super Sweeth 30th Birthday
24: Awesome Edition LIVE!!!
Leo Laporte's 5-day College Reunion Live!
How far will you go?
We at G4 are not responsible for anything.
You need more G4
I silently disappear into the mist

more commercials

24 with Bobby Lee
The future of the Aquisitons Team
You Bastard
Xtreme Buzz Bunny with a Taste for Weed
Canceled Filter
Penis ME
iWitness so Stupid
Zeroes
Please Wait until 08
Anime You Wish Was Never Unleashed
Bill Cosby's Rap Hour
Capricorn
Super-Negro
Random Celebrity Cardboard Cut-out Soap Opera Hour
1024x768, The ultimate show
Original 8-bit style Show, REALLY!!!
Crappy Low Budget Comedy
Pee-Wee's Playhouse of Shit!
Concerned, The series based on the book, based on the comic, based on the animated series, based on the book of the same name.
How dumb are you?
iWitness
Promotion of the new soon-to-be-canceled series on FOX
Xtreme Car Destruction XXX
******-***** Fat Joe Sucessfully
24 Oz. Mouse
16-Bit Gaming Console Theatre
The Ultimate Premium Channel
Destroy Everyone
Voice Acting brought to you by Microsoft Sam
So Freaking Rad!
Kain's a bastard...
The Fast
G4 grobbeling for shows.
4 Gimmicks
Two E! True Hollywood Stories Later
Ready, Set and Go!!!
Boring Someone: TO DEATH!!!
Crash: Comes with Bobblehead
Porn City: The Black Bars of Censorship
Star Trek: The G4 Generation
Star Trek: Laporte
Star Wreck
Stay Alert 24 hours a Day!
When will originality come to this network
Sponsored by Verizon
The Feed 10:00 News: All the news you don't need to know
Daily Vandilizations of Kevin Periera's Wikipedia Article
Washed-up Semi-Actors' Sketch Comedy Hour
Esc: From Apotolypse
Incompentent Attitude
Power Rangers: Hardcore Porn
Do It!
Big Bling Type
The Master Shake did not Write This
Fifty-Two Pick Up
Doctor with Cane saves people with Simple Symptons
アンペア時! 、私の目!!!
How long is that?
NOT a Syndication Network Anymore
I am bored!
FUCK YES!!!
Brought to you by Kokanne Beer
Squirrel Bore with his physcological kid from an insane asylum near you
So BOLD!!!
Non-sensical Hand Waving 2007
YYY Xtreme Edition
The Super Duper Action Total Extreme Team with Guns!!
What Happens Next?
There ain't nothing wrong with me, Damn It!
HDTV can beat boring Old Regular TV
Bleep, Bloop, Blop, Bleep
Prepare to Kick Ass
Americano Ido
Complain how much you hate COPS
Daily Information by Wikipedia
The Morbidly Obese Minute
EYE-BEAMS
Easily Found Info
Spike Spencer's Incredable Voice
Christmas in July! (seen yearly)
On the X-Play Boards
Kim Possible and the Esurance Girl
Pure Evil: Duel Wielding
For Que???
You are The One!
G4 and E!'s Considilation
The war between Netrunner and Fubutra Channel
Totally Uncensored
Why do you do this?
D-Year (seen yearly)
KILL BUSH!
Pressing Charges against someone
Ultimate Depression from The Fast
Trapped in the Cupboard
Forbidden Secrets: Sex with Pehirables
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Detective Agency
You the Man Now Dog!: Back to the Future
I don't wanna hear no speech about G4.
Action Shit! Featuring Stolen Kids Action Cartoons and Live Action Shit you don't even watch.
Sick Rides Yo?
How could you do this to Fayed's country?
Survivor: Kill Yourself!!!
CSI: Boston
Time go FASTER!!!
FFF: Sex O' Da' Union, BITCH!!!
ComedyLine: Featuring Broadcast Feeds from Cartoon Network, TBS, TBS2, MTV, MTV2, MTV3, And VH2
The 3 Deadly Sins of Gaming!
G-Phoria X-Play Edition
Samurai Showdown
Car Porn
Car Porn XXX
LOCKDOWN!!!
Move Bitch, GET OUT THE WAY!!!
Damn those KFI Call Screeners!
Johnny's Xtreme Show
Black Beast
Try this at home kids!
Hitler V.S. Gandi
Blast Them!
Darth Maul attacks
Daily Special Vandalism Edits on Wiki's!
The Innocent Shall Suffer, Big Time!
Wheel of Destiny
The Show you don't want to see
Behind the Scenes at Microsoft
G4tv.net
G4tv.org
G4tv.cjb.net
G4tv.biz
G4tv.gov
OLN.net
systm.org
The Whupped Set (featuring Street n' Furry and Drift Racers Making a Name for Themesleves)
The Assset (featuring Call For Help: UNRATED and Brendon Moran shaking his Ass)
69
Cheat!
Steal!
The Best of Hot Coffee
XXX-Play with Kristin Holt
XXXXXXXXXXX
X-Bitch
X-Bitch 360
Y-Play
Yo-Play
Yo-Plait Yogurt
X-Laid
X-Play: Recap Edition
OLD X-Play
Slightly worn X-Play
NEW X-Play
Look Fanboys, Morgan Webb is Hot! with Morgan Webb
Fat, Disheveled, Annoying Reporter
Based on a Conan O'Brien Skit Show
Mod My XBOX
Why Is This On G4? (a look at what shows on G4 that should be on another network)
Attack Of The X (Based on the cult hit comic that has yet to be released
X: The Show
Wheel of Celebrities
Titty Titty game orientated porn, internet video super fun hour!
Charles Hischhorn is fired
old show whose sound is in mono
Neal Tiles Steps in an pimp slaps Charles Hischhorn
Neal Tiles has gone INSANE!!!
The sh*ty show
That show that nobody but the creators of the show watch
ugly version of Cheat
Warsman11 takes a dump on OT
Warsman11 Eats you girl out part 2
Sitting down and shutting up with Gordon Freeman
cops
Adam Sessler, Kevin Pereira Jousting
SAX CRAZED MANIAC N00BS, ETC.
ëÅ§‡Ær ëGG§ with David Spade and a monkey

Call for Help has been cancelled, furthering the effort to destroy all references to good programming on the channel. Also, Anime You Wish Was Never Unleashed isn't seen in Canada, due to government regulations that require that all anime be good.