Gail Porter
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Gale (sometimes spelled Gail) Porter was the daughter of Hurricane Ivan and Wendy Days, founders of the Typhoon Tea Company. Her elder brother was Jimi Storm-force.
At birth she only measured Force Seven on the Beaufort scale, and so was sent away to live with foster parents in the City of Chicago. She later returned to England and pursued a quietly successful career as a Carol Smillie double before a fall down a rabbit hole changed her life. After drinking from a bottle labelled "Drink Me", Gail grew to enormous size, outgrowing all her clothes and smashing the world record to become the tallest person in ever.
Gail's initial attempts at acting were blown away in a rain of fire even in he home town from which she hailed. Film buffs considered her role in "tornado" to be complete drizzle hammering down icy criticism. Miss Porters career finally entered a sunny spell thanks to being noticed working as a backing dancer for Earth Wind and Fire.
[edit] Film Career
Gail's story was later the subject of a film, Honey, I Blew up the Kid, a film which was breeze for critics and cause an initial storm when released under a shower of publicity. Although there was some calm after its initial release sails went to full mast again before a final lull finishing with the movie in the doldrums.
[edit] Multiple assents
After 'Honey, I Blew up the Kid' Gail found herself blowing again when she joined up with famous mountain climbing team Sir Edmund Hillary and 'porter' Sherpa Tensing in the now classic pron film 'Porter House Blue'. Filmed entirely on location at Mount Everest, the film depicted Miss Porter singing "I'll be coming round the mountain" and engaging in multiple assents and descents with the assistance of the experienced Tensing.
The movie was directed by New Zealander Hillary, long time companion and friend of Tensing. Unfortunately the relationship between the pair became bitter afterwards due to large scale publicity controversy surrounding the issue of who went first between the two of them.
[edit] Porter Drinks
Following on from her acting success Gail decided to make a move into drinks market with her own line of 'Porter Drinks'. Using slogans such as:
| A stout little scotch that will leave you licking your lips |
And for the stronger drinks:
| A tasty number that goes down well |
| She'd swallow every drop, leaving you dry as a bone |
Although not all consumers could be convinced to swallow a Porter she certainly did, and her oral skill ensured that most were left with more than a salty taste in their mouths.
| Great Idea This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it. |
