Gambling
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Ever bet on a one-legged wheelchair race?”
~ Oscar Wilde on his gambling problem
“God does not play dice!! He plays Texas Hold Em”
“Horse race is more better than dog fighting... wanna bet?”
~ Joseph Stalin on gambling and betting...
Gambling is a method of Getting lots and lots of money really really fast and all the lights go off and WOOO! Your down $50 because that ASSHOLE you call a friend said that you should put your money on the Bears. ASSFUCK. Y'know what you should do? Bring a Baseball bat to his House and beat him until the Brains come out the back of his head, and who gives a shit if his mom Calls the Cops?
Dude the Casino is just down the street and you know the Bartender there from grade 7 and I bet he would let you hide in the back-room for $10 like the time when you killed all those cats.
Like, Dude, It's a healthy amount. I only spend 2 hours a day at the slots! and 4 hours at the Blackjack table, and I cut my Roulette down to 12 hours after I got Married, and down to eleven when she had that kid. What's her name? I'm thinking Kathy... I Haven't been home in a while, I am prone to forget. I think my one kid is named Smirnoff, I remember because I had downed a whole bottle before I knocked the Bitch up.and She named the Other Albert, I remember that because he's the one who runs the Casino Crying every night asking me to come home. Hah. Cute kid.
BUT YEAH, I'm NOT ADDICTED!
[edit] Who's going to the Super Bowl
- $200 on the Eagles
- $300 on the Redskins
- 5 hampsters on the Falcons --Hessef
- 9 cameltoes on the Hornets
- $1.737 and 27 cheeseburgers on the Los Angelas Detroit Western Mountain Lions
- A shiny nickel on the Baltimore Ravens --kuribo
- An expired credit card on the Chicago Cubs
“Please, I'll put $2000 on the Browns, Bitch”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Browns
[edit] Clint Eastwood Games
Many of the Lake Tahoe area games feature Clint Eastwood. It's good to note that these games are particularly threatening to the average player. Clint continuously taunts you to gamble more with such quips as:
- You call that gambling?
- Do you feel lucky? Then why are you only betting five credits?
- I didn't sell my name to this slot machine so you could play pansy with your penny anti bets. Be a man. For once in your life, be a man.
- Waitress, this man does not deserve a free drink.
- Scatter progressive enabled.
- You're the lousiest gambler I've ever met. And I've met them all. I guess you wouldn't want your friends to know that you just lost 987.85 on a nickel slot. I guess they'd make fun of you. Well, guess what I'm gonna do?
- Scatter progressive disabled.
[edit] See also
 | I'll bet you $5 that this is a stub. I bet you can't make it better, but you could try. |
