Gamera

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gamera.

“I'm 78,000 yeals ord and haven't gotten a job untir 1905.”

~ Gamera on His own job

“He 'aint as good as me.”

~ Godzilla on Gamera

“Gamera is the friend of all children!”

~ A Japanese Kid on The thing that just destroyed his hometown and killed his parents

Gamera, or in Japanese "Gamelu" is a big turtle monster that makes your head asplode along with other things.

1 Early life
2 Peak of his career
3 Abilities
- 3.1 The following can kill Gamera:
4 Personal Life
5 Filmography
6 Life Today
7 see also

[edit] Early life

Gamera started his job in 1905 in the show "Gamelu no akashi no hi" or in english "Gamera of red death and fire". He started his career at the fairly young age of 8. Though a celebrity, his drug addiction didn't begin until he was 23 starring in the Japanese sitcom "Odama uzumaki no shi no Gamelu" or "Great whirlpool of death and Gamera".

[edit] Peak of his career

Gamera as Togikame in all my spawn, c. 1941

At the age of 36, Gamera got his big break in the highly anticipated Japanese sitcom "Odama hi katsu hito no kilegile" or "Great fires blasting people to pieces" The show was mainly dark comedy about helpless people trying to escape from Gamera's atomic breath. Gamera spent about 13 years in the show until he was replaced by Godzilla, who played Gamera in the latter 2 seasons.

After being fired from the show, Gamera played Hitogoloshi "Person Killer" in the movie "Odama shi no hito" Hitogoloshi was Gamera's most popular role of the time, which started up his movie career that ran from 1941 to 1968. The first of many of Gamera's movie roles was Togikame "nurse turtle" in the movie "All my spawn" based on the the soap opera of the same name.

Gamera had a small run on the shows Friends, Frasier and Cheers until he got fired for eating the props and vomiting fire after a drinking bindge at a cast party. There were no survivors.

[edit] Abilities

Gamera has a wide range of abilites, many depicted in movies as breathing atomic breath. He has other less important abilities, such as flying and speech. He often uses these ablities together, as he is easily able to fly at high speeds while blasting atomic breath out it's mouth and killing eveything, even cockroaches, which can survive an atomic blast. Despite this, grues would easily demolish him, however, he can activate invisibility, and also threatens to use extreme sarcasm.

[edit] The following can kill Gamera:

The Giant Possum, a professional Turtle-Slayer

a Grue
- with heat seeing goggles
  - that is immune to extreme sarcasm
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Head Lephrachaun
Mr.T
Godzilla
Samuel L. Jackson
Possibly King Kong
Oscar Wilde
God
- as well as Jesus, Satan, Zeus, Poseidon, but not nature. (Which means Gamera can't die of old age.)
A giant possum
Possibly even a smaller possum
Mothra
That cloverfield thing that has like 1000000 arms

[edit] Personal Life

A photo of Gamera about to kill the photographer with atomic breath. How this picture was obtained remains a mystery.

“I used to waste my time editing Wikipedia, until I learized that sucked.”

~ Gamera on His personal life

“My favolite corol is brue (gleen)”

~ Gamera on Himself

“He just roved setting mice on file and eating them!”

~ Gamera's mom on Gamera

Much of Gamera's personal life involved going over scripts of his upcoming movies and editing wiki websites such as Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia. He stopped editing Wikipedia when he realized how goddamn boring it actually was. He then sued Jimmy Wales for being the creator of something gay. In 1939, Gamera was married to his cousin, Aremag. Aremag birthed 3 children, named Gamera jr., Aremag jr., and Aremagamera.

[edit] Filmography

This is a list of all of Gamera's important movie roles that wasn't included above:

Gamera as Karasu in The Black Crow 2.

"Odama kolosu:no eiga (Mass killing:the movie)" 1942
"Gamelu ai kolosu (Gamera loves to kill)" 1945
"Sono odama Gamelu no...Aka! (The great Gamera in...Bloody!)" 1947
"Suenosue hito no wakusei (The last person of the planet)" 1948
"Naze sono wakusei beki gan'yu Gamelu (Why the planet must have Gamera)" 1950
"Gamelu sono hitogoloshi (Gamera the person killer)" 1954
"Sono kulo kalasu (The Black Crow)" 1955
"Sono hitogoloshi kame ken sono hitogoloshi sanshouo (The killer turtle and the killer salamander)" 1957
"Gamelu i (Gamera's greatness)" 1958
"Hakuchi izule shinpyou Wikipediasu (Idiot who believes Wikipedia)" 1961
"Kyojin tonbo (Giant drangonfly)" 1963
"Kyojin hitogoloshi olochi (Giant killer eight headed serpent)" 1965
"Sono kulo kalasu:ni (The Black Crow:two)" 1967
"Gamelu:sono eiga (Gamera:the movie)" 1968

[edit] Life Today

Godzilla as Gamera in the series Everybody get's killed by Gamera.

As of 1999, Gamera has been playing the character "Giant turtle" in the show "Everybody loves then gets killed by Gamera". The actor playing Gamera in the series is none other than Godzilla, who has been Gamera's worst enemy Since the 1950's. Gamera has since divorced from Aremag and is now married to Angelina Jolie, a fellow actor/actress. Gamera's three children are now ~~respected~~ hated members of the IRS. Gamera is also now the actor who plays Bowser, from Mario. Gamera's home is located in Osaka, Japan.