GameSpot
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“[This message has been deleted at the request of a moderator or an administrator]”
~ An example of Freedom of Speech
“Lol, Gamespot.”
~ Everyone who matters on Gamespot
“Begun, the system wars have”
~ Yoda
GameSpot (formely GlitchSpot) is a video-game related kingdom that consistently brings the latest news concerning anything even remotely video game related to the attention of other kingdoms on this internet thing, though it is considered amon the worst. It was started in May 1969 by 4 hermits: Pete, Vince, Some dude in a van down by the river, and some other guy named John as VideoGames.com. Being hermits, the kingdom focused solely on PC Gaming, until 1998 the site switched over to include consoles as well, with the reason cited "We just got so bored". It was conquered by the much larger ZDNet eons ago, which was in turn conquered by CNet only a few eons later.
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[edit] Main Site
Gamespot has links to old news, previews, reviews and magic portals to console sections (called links by anyone else) such as PC, PS2, PS3, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, GC, Wii, DS, GBA and Mobile Phones for some reason. Gamespot comes with a search feature, which would be nice if it weren't broken. Searching for games is easy, but finding anything else is nigh upon impossible. If you choose to become a citizen of the kingdom, you'll get perks such as getting to post in the forums, being able to track video games and get updates on their current positions (so you may kill them later), your own user-page which you can set to private and do whatever nasty things you want to do with it, upload a user video and more stuff.
[edit] Features of Gamespot
Well, let's see, there's this thing where you can send a question to the spanish guy Alex Navarro and have them answered by a guy named Tyler...poorly. Well that's not really the problem, since most of the questions sent in are extremely abysmal.[1]. Due to a lack of interest and sponsorship from Wendy's the feature is now canceled. You can also download a podcast to your iPod, because everyone has an iPod. You can watch one of their goofy weekly videos that cover the previous week's news and hear their opinions straight from their mouths. There is a tag feature on the news that nobody uses, but it's good for leveling up. As some sort of tribute to RPG's, GameSpot has a leveling up system that lets you get a higher ranking than other members. You start at level 1 and work your way up. The secret to leveling up is to spend as much of your life as possible on GameSpot and use all their features.
[edit] Subscriptions
Gamespot offers two kind of subscriptions, plus and total access. The primary benefits are a superb download speed of 40k! (instead of 15kb for regular members), and multiple skin choice (actually only 1). Subcribers also get to participate in exclusive betas, which mostly turn out as a "corrupted zip file" when downloaded. UK subscribers also have the joy of having to stay up until 2am to watch an episode of one of GameSpot's programmes. This often ends in turmoil, as the video (in keeping with the rest of the website) either refuses to work, or the programme simply rotates exclusively around American matters and pays no attention to UK interests.
[edit] Glitches
Another feature is the variety of Glitches that Gamespot has. Since the redesign in 2005, all sorts of strange things have happened, such as the forums occasionally not working, the level system putting you at level 0, -1 or -1000, not showing avatars, levels, or anything in the forums, and other weird stuff. The avatar has been dismissed as "unimportant" anyway, possibly since the avatar size is as large as your thumbnail (quite literally). One non-redesign glitch is the occasional double post, which happens when someone is in a heated argument and can't wait to fire back a witty repoitore.
On top of that, a new redesign glitch is the ability to lose your ability to view and send private messages, look at photos and covers, and basically lose your ability to do anything on the site until you get lucky and are finally able to access a page. While it may be rare, it will tend to happen when it is most convenient for you.
[edit] Forums
GameSpot is pretty known for their communication centers, known as forums, where you can talk to talk to a bunch of losers, who range from a variety of evil empires, perverts, idiots, etc--just like most other forums. One thing to note is that many sick perverts do such criminal acts as raping the "New Topic" button. Action would take place against the serial rapists, but apparently the new topic button enjoys it. The following forum boards are major empires on GameSpot, in which they include strong characteristics. The number one rule of the Gamespot forums is your opinion is not allowed.
[edit] System Wars
The location of many a useless debate, System Wars is the home of a multitude of fanboys who never seem to change their opinion on which console is best. Many who visit System Wars are often eccentric versions of those who spend their time in OT, as debates in System Wars are generally nothing more than shouting matches. Systems Wars, while created with good intentions, has become the bane of the internet.
Most System Wars residents can be put into five distinct animal categories:
Hermits: These are l337 human beings that fully understand which gaming platform is the best. They are the first beings on the Farm, being that the "Computer" invented the consoles to begin with. Between playing PC Games and posting on the forum board(owning all console fanboys and trolls one at a time), they tend to be much more successful in life due to their superior IQ. They have every peripheral at hand, including the mouse and keyboard, which they believe is superior to all controllers. You could better define "hermits" as "Snobs", due to their superior hardware versus the toilet boxes (or consoles, as some would call them). They are mostly faced with jealousy and mal-intent from the other sick and twisted animals on the boards. They are the second best out of the five fanboys.
Sheep: Also known as the gods of System Wars, these animals have been on this farm the second longest and follow their shepherd Nintendo. After the Wii name was announced, many fled, but multiplied in numbers after E3 to return to SW and graze once more. They are most known for their mindless adoration of everything Nintendo does. Seriously, these people will cheer if Nintendo's CEO appeared on camera butt-naked covered in maple syrup screaming "I'm Link! I'm Link!" while tap-dancing. The third worst of the five fanboys.
Lemmings: The term used to describe the knuckle headed animals that lack any thought outside of whatever Microsoft or Steve Ballmer tells them. These people are always trying to tell everyone else how superior their outdated toilet box actually is. They are the second worst pieces of feces out of the five fanboys.
Cows: Allowing Sony to milk them of their money for needless crap and accessories, these beings used to be cows, but after E3 2006, suffered a horrible mutant cowation and became crabs. The majority of crabs, ashamed of Sony letting them down at E3, scuttled off to the far reaches of the internetz. However, a few months later a slow reverse cowation began to function, and the crabs began to turn back into cows once more. Unfortunately, they are still stupid idiots who constantly spout off about how awesome their overpriced grill is and post all sorts of ridiculous crap in hell AKA System Wars, such as how Killzone is the best first-person shooter ever. The worst pieces of feces out of the five fanboys,examples of those disgusting fanboys : Chutebox,InfamousC,-Renegade,Pariah_001,thrones,Malta_1980,Albanian_Killa,NinjaMunkey01,KeyWii,Yoo_foo,AmyMizuno (stupid japanese bitch),-Maddog- (aka Forensic-Klown,Coolguy_2000,BlueHerb)Armored_cell with his 100 banned accounts like Metal_RAY,Liquid-GEAR,AC-360, i can keep going but there is many of this brainless farm animals named COWS.
Manticores: Play all consoles and of course the PC. Sadly, the almost the entirety of the manticore species became extinct after the downfall of The Gerstmann, among other events. Though they are the best of the five fanboys (fanboys of gaming), the title is now seldom used.
[edit] Off-Topic Disussion (with mods)
Also known as the OT forums, this is a forum board where members can escape the eccentric debaters and insulters of System Wars. The short name OT has became a mistake, because the word "OT" on GameSpot really means "Oversexed Twit" and not "Off-Topic".
WARNING: GameSpot's Off-Topic Discussion is known to harbor a dangerous curse--every post you make in OT delays the loss of your virginity by two hours, and these hours do not begin to pass until you are banned. Finally becoming aware of this curse, many users commit account suicides. It behooves you to do the same. Merely discussing the method to get instant sex, touching a girl's shoulder, will get you banned eventually.
Much of OT's threads fall under 5 categories:
Political/Racial/Religious: This is what most of OT is, political debate and race threads, everybody makes a thread about this even though it's been heard a hundred times over (and a hundred times again). Seriously, Bush is stupid Yes we know that, Inter-racial relationship, Nobody cares, global warming is a threat :lol:, really?, well hurry on please, I live in Alaska, and it's -40 Fahrenheit here. Religion threads are the most common, mainly because of their mountains upon mountains of ignorant stupidity. One of the longest-lasting topics in history, titled Do you believe in God or do you believe in Science, was also the most pus-spewing, IQ-dropping, decent-user-attracting, piss-poor topics in the history of forums.
Stupid or Asinine: Whichever suits your fancy, they mean pretty much the same thing. You've seen these before haven't you? I have. This brand of cheez wiz annoys me. What is this supposed to mean? Can you guess what I'm doing right now :lol: If it's pissing me off then yes.
FREE Pr0N FOR YOU GUYS!: This is the most common, the infamous "Porn Suicide". It's usually some moron that wants to make an impact or something on GS by posting a picture of boobies. These threads are insanely popular in OT because it's porn and it's free. A deadly combination, these topics usually get 400-700 replies before a moderator realizes what's going on and locks the topic while banning the topic creator. These topics became so popular that they decided to ban anyone who posts in them for one day.[2]
Locked Threads: Any threads that are genuinely funny are immediately locked, never to be posted in again, although the below is arguably a problem sometimes, when locks are necessary. OT is about not having fun, and any thread that does not comply with the above will, sooner or later, be locked.
Hint threads: OT is also riddled with annoying threads that contain hints, for example "What Does The Off-topic Board Mean To You?! (Hint : Forum / Discussion / Place)". These threads are not only unoriginal, but are also straightforward and boring to answer. The hints only add to their annoyance, as members do not need hints to tell them how to answer, especially with such simple thread topics.
The Day the Internet Broke: On March 25, 2007 at 8:09PM, a very rare phenomenon occurred; someone made a topic that didn't suck. The said article itself spawned from the idea about how it would go if the OT had a real life party. Needless to say, shenanigans ensued. The topic became so utterly popular (probably through a combination of there being no good topics anyways and that GSers have no life) that page upon pages of post would spring up before you even had the chance to make a quick quote!!! Anyways, the extremely large amount of posting coupled with the awesomeness of the thread caused the internets to nearly rip at the seems. Of course, like any somewhat good thing on GS, it had to end sooner or later... or sooner. GS sent one of their goons.. err, mods to do what they do best, lock any and every thread that looks like it might bring even the slightest amount of happiness to anyone. And thus, the epic topic was locked, the internets was fixed, and the day the internet broke was all but forgotten by all but the most 1337 of GSers. The thread itself, can be found here. http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=25472293
[edit] Moderators
Moderators are very uncool, or in other words the worst bastards to ever grace the kingdom of Gamespot. The ironic thing with moderators is that every citizen strives to be one, yet there is a common dislike towards them ie; Omnislash, the infamous CaseyWegner, and others are all corrupt, power hungry weiners. Becoming a moderator takes a whole new level of creative torture, as they spazz out over nothing, and slaughter people on sight over pretty much anything and everything. If confronted by one in the wild, slowly put yourself in the fetal position, and make sure you do not violate the GameSpot Terms Of Use.
[edit] The Gerstmann Incident AKA Gerstmanngate
The Gerstmann, also known as Jeff, was Gamespot's resident 800-pound gorilla (literally) after Lord Kasavin, the third and most effective ruler of Gamespot, stepped down. Despite his oft-mocked girth and the fact that he would often mutilate games that did not deserve that kind of cruelty, he knew how to run things. However, he was not the total ruler; that job belonged to Comrade Larson, AKA Satan In A Suit, Joseph Stalin II, etc., who had no knowledge of how to run this kingdom and only ruled over Gamespot because the evil, corrupt monarchs of CNet. Because of this, The Gerstmann, who was only the steward of the kingdom, was left to run everything, while Comrade Larson was only concerned with being profitable through other kingdoms' advertising.
This led to the proverbial thin ice in the kingdom, which was broken when The Gerstmann struck down the scourge known as Kane and Lynch with the spell known as "6.0." However, a much larger kingdom, Eidos, who were the creators of this scourge, had plastered advertisements about the now dead Kane and Lynch and it's so called "greatness" all over Gamespot. They complained, threatening to pull their advertisements, a huge source of income for Comrade Larson and CNet. This caused the tension between CNet and Gamespot to finally reach its boiling point. Leading an army of the corrupt CNet bastards against Gamespot, Comrade Larson murdered The Gerstmann on his own throne, coating the entire kingdom in his blood. However, they were too stupid to think of a way to cover it up, and once word got out of the travesty, Gamespot burst into flames. Angered citizens broke down the gates of Eidos, slaughtering its men and raping its women. CNet was also attacked in a similar manner. Comrade Larson and the leaders of CNet retreated to a dark cave during the upheaval, but soon returned and asserted a position of dominance over the two kingdoms once again.
By the time the conflict had boiled over, however, there were so many different versions of what happened to The Gerstmann that the original story had been lost. Also, many prominent but hated Gamespot lords such as Lord Navarro, Lord Davis, and Lord Ocampo fled Gamespot in the wake of The Gerstmann's death. Lord Navarro retreated into solace, while Lord Ocampo joined rival kingdom IGN in a surprising move. Even more surprising was the fact that Lord Davis resurrected The Gerstmann and founded a new kingdom, GiantBomb.com, which is set to become a better kingdom this summer. Ironically, Comrade Larson, who had fallen in favor in the eyes of the CNet bastards after the chaos that killing The Gerstmann caused, was forced to commit suicide by eating cowpies. There was much rejoicing.
