Gary Coleman
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“What the fuck went wrong in this birth?”
~ Dr. Phil on Gary Coleman
“He's my motha-fuckin slave!”
~ Phil Collins on Gary Coleman
“Isn't he blind?”
Gary Coleman, also known as the Black Alfalfa Bean and Spermzilla, is a former Iraq War Fighter, Final Fantasy Character, and Phil Collins' bitch. He also plays the kazoo.
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[edit] Birth
Gary Coleman was born from the ass hole of Renee Zelwegger on September 11, 666. His fathers include Captain Crunch-my-balls-off, Tony the Tiger, Fuckin' Shit Colored Puffs, and Mr. Christie. He has four fathers due to the fact that they teamed up to gangbang Renee in the Hundred Acre Wood on a cloudy, summer afternoon. He is one of six children, although the only one that takes pictures with expressions that make him appear as if he is taking a slimy black penis up the ass.
[edit] Growth and Strokes
Gary Coleman is known for epically failing at growth due to his gall bladder being unable to procude bile. When measured last year, he came out to the same approximate height as Dick Cheney's dick. This being a mere 2cm.
Despite his lack of size, white skin, and balls, he still managed to be part of the show which is very impressive for a negro, "Diff'rent Strokes After Seeing your Mom in Bed with Luke Perry". It lasted only three years until Luke Perry sued.
[edit] Iraq
Gary Coleman is perhaps best known for being a wild fucker in war. He ultimately fought for Iraq in the summer of '69 and killed over 200 jews. Gary was not permitted to use a gun due to the fact that he is black (they get less priveleges) so instead he bit people. People died as he inflicted them with rabies. He then finished them off with swift anal pounding filling their bums with loads of his cum. If they weren't already dead, his AIDs infected cum finished them off.
[edit] What his people are made to be...
Although not popularily reported, Gary Coleman worked cooking and cleaning for Phil Collins between the years of 1990 and 1994. He was the main reason Genesis succeeded due to his great composition of lyrics. He composed such songs as, "In the Arse Tonight," and "You'll be in my Ass," for the movie TarzAss. All were based on real life expriences. For example, he once crawled into Phil's ass one night to sleep after he had a nightmare. In his nightmare, he was having sex for the first time (a nightmare for this prude, virgin cockmaster). A few years later, he received a ridiculous anal rape from Phil which lead him to compose "In the Arse Tonight". He got raped so hard he had to bite the pillow to muffle his screams of joy and pleasure. Thus the expression Pillow Biter formed.
[edit] Later Years
Gary Coleman recently married Macy Gray. The two of them are living happily. Gary Coleman recently lost his virginity around the same time he was crowned Master Mage by the Council of Elders on World of Warcrack. Although at the maximum level 70 in the game, he is at level 1 of life, meaning he has epically failed. For God's sake, he's black and has only stolen three cars in his lifetime (talk about making a shame of your culture).
To read up on Gary, don't bother looking in a book, or a website because he's not worthy to be there. Instead, look in your toilet after you shit, you'll find him there every time!
[edit] See Also
Categories: Midgets | Black | Porn Stars | Virgins | Bitches
