Geek

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“Formerly, the term referred to a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken, bat, snake or bugs.”

~ Wikipedia on Geeks

"Hey Albert, nyaagggghhhhhhh, turn on your modem so I can text you, nyagggghhhhyaggggghhhh."

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Geek.

Geek is the nickname given by nerds to themselves if they want to look slightly higher up the social ladder. They will often argue incessantly that they are in fact a "geek," rather than a nerd, as you had called them about ten hours ago. Geeks, contrary to Popular Belief, did not evolve from nerds through ingesting a catalyst known as alky-hol which suppresses nerds' innate phobia of non-nerds, allowing the two groups to exchange information - most often verbal, but in rare cases can also be genetic. Some nerds retained this inhibition of non-nerd phobia even when the effects of alcohol have worn off.

Geeks can be found living independently, often with other geeks, but also with nerds. Geeks can be found lying in filth in dark, dark rooms, hacking into chat sites pretending to be cool. Geek clothing is generally wrinkled, but acceptable in current society. Some geeks may even occasionally wear fashionable clothing or matching socks, but it can be rare. Another legend portrays the long lost geekdom as nerds with long hair, lots of earrings and heavy metal t-shirts (only prior to their metamorphosis into yuppies and migration into large financial institutions). The geeks have greasy hair and sweat all over the face; they call it "perfume". They spend hours trying to get onto porn websites that their mommies banned them from. Young geeks will often mutate into emos at 16, realizing they are misunderstood because they aren't allowed to drive cars.

Classic Geek Traits: Trying to emulate the Matrix doesn't result in "cool", it results in "60 year old virginity".

In most cases Geeks should be kept out of direct sunlight as the quartz windows of their specs may admit short-wavelength ultraviolet light, eventually erasing their memories. Geeks which are left in the sun for too long are thought to spontaneously decay into the element Geekium (Gk, atomic weight 80286.68208). But that's just a theory. It's been said that the Geekium is also a radioactive material, that emits Code Radiation, capable of destroying any code-based electronic machine...

It is believed that Geeks originally came from the country of Geese. However, Harlem Globetrotter Goose Tatum disputes this.

*snort* Nyeeghaaaaaagh.

While sharing similar names, Geeks have no relation to Greeks, who drink too much beer, live in single-sex housing, and participate in secret homoerotic rituals.

1 Female Geeks
2 Geek Breeds and Geek Breeding
3 How to tell if you are a Geek
- 3.1 Alternate methods
4 Geek Jokes
5 Geek Squad
6 Geek Inc.
7 External links
8 See also

[edit] Female Geeks

A little-known subdivision of geeks, female geeks are known for their seeming lack of care about their personal appearance, lack of cosmetic skills, and general incompetence when dealing with their menstruation. The female geek is a truly rare occurrence as most females are offended by the internet, which exists purely as a repository for all porn in the known universe. Or it simply takes the joy out of speaking too much, by not being able to hear one's own voice when communicating...

To be noted is the fact that some male geeks simply deny the existence of female geeks. Such ideas may have been induced by male roleplayers that incidentally roleplayed females on a online game, upon discovering the true nature of the roleplayers they remain shocked and traumatized. When asked about the existence of female geeks traumatized male geek "Luca" screamed out as in pain and mumbling something walked into a nearby bumblebee.

Although most female geeks dont really care about their outside appearance. Some female geeks can still be extremely hot and attractive. They are still very into the gaming world similar to those classic geeks. For example, the hottest girl I know in real life is a diehard Hitman and Sims fan. Unfortunately, she is still a geek and by finding her attractive I acknowledge that I myself am also a geek.

[edit] Geek Breeds and Geek Breeding

The mythical, legendary Ubergeek

There are many different breeds of geek, such as: mathematics geeks, sci-fi geeks, computer geeks, history geeks, gamer geeks, music geeks, art geeks, Star Wars geeks (Warzies), Star Trek geeks (Trekkies), Red Dwarf geeks (Dwarfies), Godzilla geeks (Zillies), Doctor Who geeks (Whovians), dork geeks, evil geeks, porn geeks, retard geeks, comedy geeks, MySpace geeks (Girls and Cheerleaders), YouTube geeks, Uncyclopedia geeks, Wikipedia nerds, Internet geeks, and many, many more, each breed is accustomed to it’s specialized subject, for example, an art geek is better at art then say, a history geek. A MySpace geek is better at MySpace then say, A Wikipedia geek. Geeks may breed to create a baby geek who can be accustomed to two subjects, such as an art and history combo geek, in this way it is possible to create an Ubergeek, by continuing to mix different breeds together until the ultimate geek is born. Many people have profited from this practice by creating geek breeding centers; you can also buy a litter of baby geeks for a certain price set by the breeder.

An ugly, old Wikipedia geek

[edit] How to tell if you are a Geek

The language of the Geeks, commonly known as Gava, is spoken in many large webpages.

public gavaClass geek
{
  public int friends;
  public int geekFriendsRatio = 0;
     
     public void geek() {
     cool = false;
     hasaLife = false;
     geek = true;
     friends = geekFriendsRatio;
     misc.println("Get A Life if you Understand!");
     }
}
 
Error: no such variable "misc" on line 10

Geeks playing D&D

[edit] Alternate methods

Three other tests to detect geekness are detailed below.

Test 1 - 1f l_l c@n r34d 7h15 j00 4r3 4 g33k.
Test 2 - If the following 1's and 0's meant more to you than just..1's and 0's...you might be a geek:

0110011101100101011001010110101100100000011101010010000001100001011100100110010100100001

Test 3 - You were bothered by the misuse of "emulate" in the caption for the picture shown to the left. MAKES NO SENSE

Most certainly.

Test 4 - You know what the T means in James T. Kirk.
Test 5 - You know how to play Magic.
Test 6 - You know what Magic is.
Test 7 - You've heard of Magic.
Test 8 - You reprogrammed your computer's clock to show the star date rather than the normal time.
Test 9 - You've made a fully functioning light-saber out of parts from your basement
Test 10 - You have made love times in your life
Test 11 - You have made love in your life.
Test 12 - You got the gag of test 11.
Test 13 - Star Gate is your religion
Test 14 - Your car's windows are made of trash bags or some wrap and requires a pushing start.
Test 15 - You were never cool in your life, you rather opted to buy it.
Test 16 - You've never made postings on uncyclopedia.
Test 17 - You still live with your mom.
Test 18 - You collect your secret crush's stray hair.
Test 19 - You take your 12-year old sister to your high school prom.
Test 21 - You remember Lando for more than being the only black man in Star Wars.
Test 20 - You believe Lando was essential to the plot of Star Wars.
Test 21 - 11001010011010100101010101011010101010102. If you find something that doesn't belong there, you're a geek.
Test 22 - You don't play pokémon
Test 23 - You double date with your 40 year old sister with no date.
Test 24 - The song Happy Days is your favorite theme song.
Test 25 - You rather be on your computer than go out with the hottest girl/boy in school.
Test 26 - You dream of being AV kid, or are the AV kid.
Test 27 - You noticed that there are two test 21s.*
Test 28 - You went back and double-checked

A big fat geek

Test 29 - You have memorized at least most of the entire history of the Star Wars galaxy, starting with the beginning of the old republic.
Test 30 - You play World of Warcraft
Test 31 - You actually like World of Warcraft
Test 32 - You have long arguments about World of Warcraft vs. Guild Wars

[edit] Geek Jokes

Creepy, middle aged geek, still lives with his mother.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and the other who don't give a damn.
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who get laid.
When someone want to borrow some cash from a geek, the geek answers: "Go farming n00b"
Me is considered a geek. Hah, yeah right! But wait, aww damn.

A Geek hiding his shame.

[edit] Geek Squad

The geek squad is a team of virus fighters that work for Best Buy. They come to your house to install your computer, ask many questions, eat your food, and then charge you 500 bucks. The Geek Squad consists of 30 men. It's a exclusive club, only the best qualify. To qualify, you must be at least 400 pounds, live with your parents, be over the age of 30, virgin, and most importantly, be ranked in the top 1% of everyone on World of Warcraft.

[edit] Geek Inc.

The geek Inc. (formerly 3rd Nerd until they realized they were geeks, not nerds) is a team of virus fighters, JAVA programmers, and .gif makers that work for an evil dictator. They fix your computer, for free, from the comfort of there house, and then charge you nothing. Geek Inc. consists of 4.5 men. It's a exclusive club, only the best qualify. To qualify, you must be at least 14, live with your parents, be under the age of 30, virgin, and most importantly, know JAVA (having an IQ of 3,000 can also qualify you).