Gene
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Gene is a hypothetical biological entity proposed by renegade scientist Richard Dawkins, which supposedly carries a given part of hereditary information from one generation to the next, in a manner analogous to the meme. It was further proposed that the entire genotype of an organism was made up of many smaller genes, in the same way that bureaucracy was proven to consist of small 1-D loops of red tape.
Genes have been developing and mutating for a long time. Some however, have retained their original look and feel, examples of which are the Levis and Wrangler genes. The recently discovered Tommy Hilfiger gene was not found suitable for people of African descent. The latter therefore created their own gene and called it the Fubu gene.
Contents |
[edit] Genes vs. Memes
Whilst memes have been scientifically established entities for centuries, since Gregor Mendel's pioneering Chinese Whispers experiments, genes are regarded as highly theoretical and borderline mythological by the majority of biologists. Those who cling to this discredited theory are termed geneticsists and regarded with the same combination of incredulity as evolutionary biologists.
[edit] The Spengler Experiment
In 1992, an experiment to prove the existence of genes was carried out by Dr. Egon Spengler of MIT using fruit flies, white mice and a rather boring little plant (arabidopsa). Because the key property of genes is that they can be spliced and recombined ad-hoc to grant organisms special new powers (cf. Superman, Spiderman, David Duchovny), the experiment set out to prove that genes existed by creating a hybrid flying mouse which was capable of photosynthesis.
Unfortunately the experiment was a spectacular failure; the resulting organism merely acquired a vulnerability to tobacco mosaic virus and sported a pair of antenna. This proved that genes are not a satisfactory explanation for the phenomenon of genetics, and ever since the gene has languished in the same scientific no-man's land as air, gravity, evolution and Antarctica.
[edit] Why Genes are Bunkum
The current crop of geneticists refuse to concede that the gene is as implausible an entity as the "atom", and furthermore claim to have deduced its chemical composition. Based on pioneering research by famed theoretical architects Crick and Watson in the 1930s (which revealed that spiral staircases were in fact composed of two helical bannisters, slightly off-pitch), they believe that genes are composed of double-helix strands of deoxyribosenucleic acid, a chemical currently used in the production of GM crops.
| Deeper inspection reveals this "DNA" proposition to be flawed: if all "genes" were made of the same chemical, surely all life on Earth would share the same genetic structure, and be absolutely identical. In fact, all life on earth would consist of a grey goo. |
The common consensus is the HRH has got it right, and DNA has absolutely nothing to do with cellular biology, further debunking the concept of the gene.
[edit] The eyeless gene
Geneticists are generally considered as eccentric or even mad due to their strange beliefs and they often make stupid jokes in an attempt to confuse real scientists. When geneticists claimed to have discovered a gene which triggers the expression of an eye[1] in a creature, a gene that was universal throughout the entire animal kingdom, they called it the “eyeless gene”. An eyeless gene causes eyes to grow? This is just such an example of a stupid joke made by geneticists.
As if this stupid joke wasn’t enough, the geneticists claimed that they had managed to grow eyes all across the body of a fly (14 in one case) by adding the eyeless gene to different parts of the fly’s genome. [2] This clearly reinforces the “mad scientist” image of geneticists.
