Gene Wilder

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Johnny Wilder, the illegitimate offspring of Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp, immediately following his candy factory accident that left him disfigured

“I'm Wilde, but he's Wilder...Just kidding I'm the wildest.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gene Wilder

“ Actually, it's pronounced 'Frahnk-ehn-steen'”

~ Gene Wilder on how to pronounce his name

Gene Wilder is, was, and always will be a pirate-robot-ninja-dinosaur-firefighter from the future. Despite these numerous setbacks, he has managed to become successful in his chosen career of professional lunatic.

Whenever someone in Hollywood needs someone who can be charismatic, kind, and all around likable, while at the same time being a gibbering dangerous bloody psychotic menace to life and limb, they call him right up.

Since this talent sadly sees little use in modern film, he has a lot of time to work on his latest invention, the Yiddish language, which he hopes will set the Israelites free from the Pharaoh's oppression.

Completely apart from his other life works is the fact that he has attracted a cult following. In a strange display of loyalty, many midgets have gathered around Mr Wilder, performing strange body-painting ceremonies, and chanting derisive songs. They have become known as the Oompa-Loompas , and are considered by experts to be the strangest world religion, after Scientology of course.

During much of Wilder's lifetime, he was widely thought to be dead. This confusion was the result of the trance-like state he affected at public appearances. Conversely, as one might expect of so mystical a figure, after his death many of his followers continued to believe him still alive. Various schools or sects ultimately developed: the Wilder Lives School, the Wilder Never Lived School and the Two Wilders Faction.