General Groove
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“General Groove is like mint ice cream, tasty but only with a sprig of parsley”
~ Peter Kay on General Groove
[edit] The Early Years
General Groove was born (or rather he came into existence) from the gates of Funky Town in around 1898. His contributions to the planet Groovemania (AKA Earth) are endless. Without him, This Guy would not exist. Please refer to Groove for more details.
Born to a quiet family from southern Kentuckistan, Groove created The Game at a very young age. It has spread from there to become a worldwide phenomenon, but let's just make it clear that it was invented by the almighty General Groove (before he was a General, or even a private, of course). Oddly enough, the first two places to start playing The Game were Canada and Kentuckistan, the two places in the world who have NOT accepted the ways of the Groove.
[edit] In the Military
Groove chose to join the army (American) as a protest to his beatnik parents. The rhythm of guns being fired was not what he'd expected. In fact, he was expecting more of a Broadway musical, so he decided to get out of there, any way he could. He knew that Corporal Soul had the secret of the Feeling that he was looking for and so hatched his evil plan. Late at night Groove, a lowly private at this point, snuck into Corporal Soul's tent and stole his Feeling. Unfortunately he got the wrong tent and accidentally stole Ugly from Taylor. Too embarrassed to bring it back, Groove kept the Ugly and decided to make fun of Taylor.
| HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Taylor is SO FAT!!! and UGLY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! |
Groove, realizing his mistake, used one of his Class 12 Explosive Swiss Cheese Charges of Death to make a diversion so as to steal the secret of the Feeling that he so desired. However, his Class 12 Explosive Swiss Cheese Charges of Death landed right next to the dastardly Corporal Soul who, fiendish mofo that he was, proceeded to smilk himself. This left just enough time for Private Groove to toss another cake grenade at the heavily smilked Corporal, who proceeded to go ahead and die (fiendish mofo that he was). Private Groove then stole Soul's Feeling.
Now promoted to General after killing the evil tyrant, Groove saw the danger to his life (Lieutenant Funk was enraged at the death of his friend) and General Groove proceeded to do the only plausible thing: politely "dispose" of Lieutenant Funk, and steal his Beat. General Groove then fused the two together using a highly sophistimacated method of mooking, and the new substance he named Groove, after himself. He then bubblehearthed via minivan to Ancient Greece.
| And I said "Let there be Groove!!! And there was, and it was good. |
[edit] Later Life
General Groove taught Groove the world over but when he returned to his hometown of somewhere in the Commonwealth of Kentuckistan his ways were not understood by the ignorant masses of idiots so he was forced to leave them Discoing into the new millennium. He'll be back, however, on Judgement Day, at which point he will go totally Groovalicious on their asses.
