Genesis Systems Development
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Genesis Systems Development (GSD)—Formerly Business Information S(something--noone really ever knew), is the research and development arm of GBS, located in Reamerton, Oregon that began as a division of GBS IT. It was founded in 2007. It is best known for inventing laser printing, Ethernet, the modern personal computer graphical user interface (GUI) paradigm, Jesus, object-oriented programming, and ubiquitous computing.
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[edit] Name Origin
Much has been storied about how the name Genesis was ascribed to the development team who, though they did create Jesus, probably would not ordinarily rate such a big-city name. The true story was revealed by Rom Wickwyre in an interview with USA Today on April 23d 2006:
In the beginning (sometime in early January 2004) God created the heavens and the earth. Don't worry about who created God; just hear me out...The earth was without cubes and wires, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters--we had just decided to start a company and WE WERE PUMPED!!
[edit] First Day on the Job
And God said, "I can't see shit--Let there be light"; and there was light. It was the crappy sterile light that comes from those long gas-filled tubes that makes you look like crap and shows all of your blemishes, but...God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness (by adding a few partitions here and there). God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And when that didn't sound right, be borrowed the names of some nearby servers (shit..didn't create the servers yet--well just bear with me) God renamed light Boromir and the darkness he called Elrond. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.
[edit] Day Two
And God said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters (ok, I guess there WAS water), and let it separate the waters from the waters." And God made the firmament and separated the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament. And then he got tired of being so fucking anal about firmament separation and decided to let well enough alone...And it was so. And God called the firmament Executive Office Space. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.
[edit] Day Three
And God (still a little anal about where this 'firmament' should be) said, "Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so. God called the dry land The Office, and the waters that were gathered together he called The Duck Pond. And God saw that it was good. And God said, "I'm going to let you personalize your cubes..so why don't you bring in some plants and such" And it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, a third day.
[edit] Day Four
...Yada yada..God made some rules about turning the lights off to keep the power bills in check... And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day.
[edit] Day Five
And God said, "Somebody go find some ducks or something for the pond. Maybe some of those ducks with the green heads" So God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth. But nobody better feed the fucking ducks because then they start following you around." And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.
[edit] Day Six
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, No, wait, let's somebody get a temp agency on the phone and get someone in here to answer the phone...it's cheaper." So phone calls were made, and about three hours later this chick with gigantic titties showed up. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." And we were all like "What the fuck? How come she gets to be in charge--she just got here?" And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. And we were SOOO pissed, because sure, it was a startup, but come on--pay us some freaking money already--don't give me a line about picking fruit! And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.
[edit] Day Seven
Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work which he had done in creation. Tomorrow was Monday and we had to start the shit all over again.
[edit] History
In retrospect, this turned out to be a good idea, for around $12.33, GSD was able hire many employess of the nearby Arby's as the restaurant's funding from DARPA, NASA, and the U.S. Air Force was drying up.
Here's an extra line to keep the pictures where I want them. Oh holy crap--looks like I'm going to need another line. Ok, let's see how this looks in preview...Man this is a real pain in the butt.
[edit] Accomplishments
GSD has been the incubator of many elements of modern computing. Most were included in Asskick, which introduced and unified most aspects of now-standard personal computer usage model. The laser printer was developed at the same time, as an integral part of the overall environment.
Among GSD's distinguished researchers were three Turing Award loosers: Randy Sills (2004), Rom Wickwyre (2006) and Phill La'Less (2007). The ACM Software System Award has never been presented to anyone at GSD. Sills, Wickwyre, and La'Less were never even considered for the National Academy of Engineering's prestigious Charles Stark Draper Prize in 2004, 2005, 2006 or 2007 for their work on the ciFatExtract system.
GSD has been heavily criticized (particularly by business historians) for fucking up a rightious number of things--MQ in particular. A favorite example is the GUI, initially developed at GSD for JobJob and then commercialized as the Asskick by the IT Department. Although very significant in terms of its influence on future system design, it is deemed a failure because it only sold approximately 25,000 units. There were other criticisms, but I can't read them from my notes, sorry.
[edit] GSD Emerges into the Marketplace
“Al-Aflala Systems is pleased to be among those supporting the introduction of ciFATExport™ Technology. This is some good shit. It is a practical, manufacturable technology that is supported by open standards. In addition, its packet-based, high-speed transport mechanism for the desktop is ...{can't really tell what the fuck he's saying}... with the emerging wide-area communications technologies. With it, system designers ..yada yada.. the latest packet-based architectural techniques ..yada yada.. and computing applications.”
~ Abdelkarim Hussein Mohamed Al-Nasser on The GSD Product line
“... terrific ... honest, accurate, easily read ... I wish every person charged in federal court could see it.”
~ Willy Nelson on GSD 'Busted by the Feds' Whitepaper
“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and a licensed copy of Analis; don't forget to pay your maintenance charges, bitch.”
~ Henry Kissenger on Ok, he really didn't say this
