Genie
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Genies are indigenous creatures from Arabia that reproduce asexually. Their natural habitat is the magic lamp, while their natural predators are businessmen.
“I have nothing to declare but my Genies”
~ Oscar Wilde on Genies
“I have a Genie!”
~ Martin Luther King on Genies
“I wish I knew what to wish for. I wish for that. I wish I could go back a couple of wishes to savor the moment.”
~ n00b on genies
Contents |
[edit] History of Genies
The first genie, Ronert Leopold Genglerson, was born a shemale. He became an alchemist, trying to find out how to turn iron into gold. He eventually got bored of his experiments and drank one of his solutions, and he became a rabbit. He decided that being a rabbit wasn't a very good thing, so he decided to go on an adventure to become a human again. He met a young outcast boy and they went off into the desert to find the mythical Snowbuddha, a great sand deity of the Buddhists who was told to grant one wish of every person who finds him. They traveled through the desert in a Disney-esque fashion and eventually found love in eachother, which allowed them to find the Snowbuddha. The Snowbuddha turned out to be evil, so when they found him, Ronert and the outcast boy had to use the power of love to defeat him. After defeating the Snowbuddha, Houdini appeared and killed the outcast boy and turned Ronert into a genie. Ronert was depressed and decided to live in a Sphynx that he found in the desert.
[edit] The Great Genies
There were three genies that were better than the rest of the genies: Kazaam, Aladdin, and Jambi.
[edit] Kazaam
Kazaam is quite simple the greatest and most powerful genie ever. He can single handily defeat the entire Portland Trailblazers by the power of his farts. He has been known to miss the majority of his free throws to prove how great he is. He once had a wish to be a better father, unfortunatly, this it a wish he just couldn't grant (something about not granting wishes to whiney children). He did for a while solve world hunger to show up Oprah, but because his powers are only to confuse, he had to give it up.
[edit] Aladdin
Aladdin, falsely known simply as "Genie," was the greatest genie of all time. He was also the only genie to ice skate on the rings of Saturn with a female genie hooker. Aladdin and his final master, Aladdin, lived in an underground city known as Pacific. They went on an adventure to save Charlie Brown from the Hypnotist Nazis, which caused Aladdin's (the human) demise, but Aladdin (the genie) singe-handedly killed Charlie Brown and the Hypnotist Nazis. There is a solid concrete statue of Aladdin (the genie) on the moon, right next to the Russian flag, in which Aladdin (the genie) is trapped inside of forever unless Jesus comes and destroys the statue with his all-powerful Penultimate Peril Practicional Beam. Sometimes says the term, I Am The Genie and kills flying hippopotomi
[edit] Jambi
Little is known about Jambi the genie aside from the fact that he wasn't a true genie. Instead of living in a lamp, he lived in the hood of a Chevrolet Bel Air car and appeared when someone wanted to make a wish. His head is all that anyone's ever seen, so many people assume that his head was disconnected from his body because of Mario causing the Great Depression. His body, however, was stolen by a group of preadolescent human children who called themselves the Bomber Gang. They took his body to Sleepy Hollow and put a Jack'o'Lantern on the top of it. They then proceeded to sing a song about Frosty the Snowman, causing Jambi's body to become a metric ruler. They donated the ruler to charity for aesthetic reasons. Jambi's turban is assumed to represent the moon and his car representing the Japanese democracy.
