Genocide
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“It was fun while it lasted.”
~ Adolf Hitler on Genocide
“Not really.”
~ Jews on Adolf Hitler on Genocide
“Yeah it was.”
~ Adolf Hitler on Jews on Adolf Hitler on Genocide
“I'd do it all over again.”
~ God on Genocide
Contents |
[edit] History
Genocide is the national sport of Kazakhstan (see Uzbekistan).
The greatest genocide group of players is identified as humans (also known as wankers). And crab people. An honourable mention goes to Azrael the cat for her attempts to conduct genocide on the Smurfs with Gargamel, yet this has been said by critics to be primarily due to human influence. Critics on the opposite side of the argument have linked the existence of cats to the existence of genocide.
It has been played by several different peoples since the dawn of Man, most often in Africa and Asia, where the International League of Genocide is primarily located. Genocide is likely to keep its place as the favourite activity in the hearts of all humans.
Even more popular and interactive than the other popular sports of the world (video games, soccer, chess, team masturbation, suicide, and pelota basca), Genocide can be played by an unlimited number of participants, and doesn't require any special equipment or location. Genocide games can be played in cities, forests, deserts, and even in space.
Rumour has it that Orson Scott Card came into possession of three Scrolls of Genocide when he uncovered the skeleton of Moloch in archaeological dig. ("Ender's Game" is supposedly a technique he used to uncover those WMDs.)
However, it is now commonly accepted that the actual roots of the traditional "Scorched Earth" style of play were invented by Keith Chegwin after the famous "Swindon Incident" of 1873. In this gameplay variant, the object is not only to destroy the people and their culture, but also their history and their achievements.
[edit] Famous Genocide Players
- Crab People
- Serbia
- Adolf Hitler
- Pol Pot
- Josef Stalin
- The Imperial Japanese Army
- Darth Vader
- Darth Sidious
- Skynet
- The Wicked Witch of the West
- Nick Genocide
- Prime Minister Churchill
- People named 'Tallat'
- God
[edit] Janjaweed
Janjaweed is a form of cannabis enjoyed by the thriving and happy-go-lucky population of Sudan. Deriving from the terms 'ganja weed', the substance is grown by both the Arabs and black people of Sudan, and when using it they forget about their strife and give each other a big hug. Unfortunately, there exist a group called the 'Janjaweed Militia', a lot like the 'High Times Army'. They are still on the run, having killed possibly up to 400,000 people and 1 penguin.
[edit] Referees
After the controversial European and Chinese/Japanese genocide matches of the 1930s and 40s, the United Nations was set up to promulgate an official code of rules and regulations governing genocide. Frequently, the UN will send its referees (known as "peacekeepers," and recognizable by their blue helmets) to genocide matches to observe. These peacekeepers are usually under strict orders not to interfere with an on-going genocide match. In recent times, the European genocide league's officials (known as NATO) and the African league's officials (known as the AU) have also begun refereeing. Ref killing is a popular way for genocide teams to score bonus points. And get bombed with weapons far more advanced than their puny blades and sticks.
[edit] How To Play Genocide
[edit] Equipment
The basic equipment for playing Genocide varies depending on the geographical place where the game will take place, but usually people use some of the following:
- Sticks
- Jews (Use gas)
- Rocks, or bricks
- Grenades
- people from Nanking
- AK-47 rifles
- Desert Eagle pistols
- Scud or Patriot missiles
- Potatoes
- Machetes
- Aids (Tip: Only black and gay people can get AIDS.)
- Dragunov SVD Rifle
- Gas Chambers
- Land Mines
- Anything with "nuclear" or "nucular" in it
- Zyklon B
- Technicals (the poor man's APC)
- Hungry Ethiopian
- Crematoriums
- Concentration Camps
- Pretty much any thing that can kill someone. But mostly just the jews and other minorities
[edit] Rules
To start off, there are two or more teams. These two teams usually have a history of rivalry, and the longer the history, the more interesting the match. One of these teams is usually governmentally sponsored, while the other is privately funded. The match usually begins with a sneak attack (occasionally in bed, after reading smut) and then they keep playing until one of them can't breath, walk or vote any more. Sometimes a game of Genocide can't be finished. If this is the case, all the players use the Pearl Harbor tactics to blow up their opponents, a.k.a. suicide bombings. If they STILL can't be finished, well, then out come the nukes. Then everyone's dead, so the game is officially a draw.
[edit] Genocide Teams
The most famous teams in the history of Genocide are the ones that created great spectacles for the game fans. After the invention of television, Genocide teams became even more and more popular than they were when the only place people heard of their feats were in school, in History class.
Some of the most famous Genocide teams are:
- SPARTAAA
- The Human Race (tm)
- The Christian Faith
- The United States of America
- Ye Olde British Empire
- The Short-lived Belgian empire
- The Stalinist Communists
- Die Deutschen Nazionalistich Sozialistchtch Partay
- Genghis Khan and the Mango Boys
- Alexander, the Large.
- The New York Butchers
- Collingwood Magpies
- Liverpool
- Dark Ghost and the Roffle Blahs
- Hitler's Hurricanes
- Ottoman Empire
- the Jewish Faith
- the Muslim Faith
- Michael Jackson and the Supreme Court
- George Bush and a Brain
- Al Queda and Al Pachino
- Jake and Richard
- Sub-Saharan Africa
- Tomlinscote Tigers
- Team Ramrod
[edit] Genocides Currently Outstanding
- Muslims vs Jews Deathmatch
- George Bush (x2)
- Those Black People That Need To Stop Being Attention Whores.
- Any others?
