George Dubya Bush

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This page has been screened by MSNBC™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given Republican-proof protection for her pleasure. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully understood the stupidity of the worst President in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conservative-laden view: The Biography of Dubya as written by heathens. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.'

All old republican people are the same shit anyway. Therefore, this article or section should be merged with John McCain. If you are a democrat, consider yourself beaten with rusty metal pipes, so we don't have to do it later.

George Dubya Bush (a.k.a. Sheriff George Wanker Bushwood 'The man with no brain')

Term of office:	2001 – whenever the kindergarden closes
Preceded by:	Slick Willie Blythe
Succeeded by:	That change guy
Date of birth:	July 6, 1946
Place of birth:	Stinging Barbara's Bush
First Lady:	A Different One Every Night, though most of them were really men with wigs, though, some men who had sex changes
Political party:	Inbred Hicks

“Man, this Dubya guy is a total moron! Sure wouldn't want to be like him!”

~ George Dubya Bush on reading this article

“There has been some rumour about political jokes involving my presence over the internets lately...”

~ George Dubya Bush on the internets

“I swear: this is the last one!”

~ George Dubya Bush on war in Iraq

“There's terrorists in my underpants!!!”

~ George Dubya Bush on terrorism.

“There are two kinds of words: Inside Words and Outside Words. Inside Words stay in, Outside Words come out. That time a Inside Word popped out.”

~ George Dubya Bush on saying the wrong thing aloud.

“The fyutyure will accur in the fyutyure.”

~ George Dubya Bush on his "infinite" political knowledge

“He really pisses me off, with that face looking just like mine and everything... But he can't be me, of course, because I'm over here!”

~ George Dubya Bush on reading this article some more

“This man has an IQ of 107. A regular chimp's IQ is 110. It's a proved fact.”

~ Captain Obvious

“What's an IQ?.. Hey, that chimp just took my banana! Waaaah!”

~ George Dubya Bush on the above quote.

“We deal with the last existing example of a Neanderthal-inbred-Limurian here. Archeology, prove me wrong.”

~ Charles Darwin on Bush

George "Dubya" Bush (pronounced yubba-dubba-doo) (born July 6, 1946) is a dude who, for some unknown reason, likes to hang out near the White House and, for that matter, thinks he's the 43rd president of the United States of America. He lives next door to the place, though, so it's very hard to get rid of him. But that's okay. Sometimes he comes to the Pentagon, too, to play with his lead soldiers and miniature rockets with nuclear signs on them. Since he's the son of the former president George H. W. Bush (or his somewhat unsuccessful clone), it's also okay. I mean, there is not much harm a retarded president can do to a country who passably had no president at all for the last eight years, right?

Bushie will be put to eternal sleep on January 20, 2009, when his expiry date passes.

George, or Georgie, as he's called by people close to him, is a member of the Republican Party, also known as the Screw The Peasants Party. He is known for his unconventional style of politics, such as aiming a stream of urine at his opponents, screeching while jumping up and down on them, and in general, keeping his head up his ass. His working day consists of finger-painting and pasting macaroni on official government documents (something Prick Cheney has repeatedly told him is a “no-no”). He loves non-alcoholic beer and sugar-free frozen treats, and spends most of his time on his ranch, taking 3 naps a day and posing for photos where he pretends to be clearing brush. Also, he holds the record for smallest vice president's first name of any president (2.1 inches, undercutting his father's 2.7).

In his rare public appearances, he is assisted by Prick Cheney, who conceals himself under a podium so he can stick his first name up Bush's ass and use him as a ventriloquist's dummy. This makes it much easier for poor lil' Georgie, who just isn't made for difficult presidential duties like "readin'" and "writin'" and "listenin' to them poopyhead congressmen and the public".

Contents 1 Debauched Youth 2 He Reproduces 3 Entry into Politics 4 Road To Presidency 5 Wars and other conflicts 6 Laws passed under George W. Bush 7 Singing career 8 Acting Career 9 Other important events 10 Major platforms 10.1 Science as a point of view 10.2 Alternative cartography 10.3 Green Values, Poverty and Crime 11 George W. Bush the person 12 Achievements and accomplishments 13 George W. Bush in Popular Culture 14 Trivia 15 Quotations 16 Impeachment proceedings 17 Re-election Campaign 18 See also 19 External links

[edit] Debauched Youth

Born in New Haven, Connectthedots, Bush was the first son of George H. W. Bush and Barbara Bush. Bush was raised on a freerange farm inHouston, Texas, with his vile siblings, Jeb, Neil, and Marvin. As a child, George W. wished to be an astronaut, but when he grew up he found that NASA wasn't sending chimps into space anymore... and if they still did, they'd be SMART ONES. His hopes crushed, little George started abusing cough medicine by the gallon and was soon a raging alcoholic as well. George was initially home-schooled because doctors believed he was dumb enough not to hate Republicans and he was unable to stop eating his Crayolas. Graduating at five spots above the bottom of his high school class, Bush was immediately accepted into Yale under the Ivy League school's Affirmative Action Program for Mentally Retarded, Coked-up Sons of Prominent Alumni. Although Bush has claimed he was an average student, classmates recall him as "a fucking idiot". His school records mysteriously disappeared in 2000 at the same time as his Texas National Guard records.

At school, Bush learned valuable skills that would come in handy when he was later appointed to rule the world by the Supreme Court, such as sucking himself and getting everyone else to do the hard work. And taking credit for things he didn't do. And avoiding blame when anything goes wrong. In his adult years, he would call this delegatin'.

He single-handedly (AWOL in military jargon) saved the Divided States (United then) from Viet Congs during the last stage of the Vietnam War in Texas. After returning from military service, he joined his brothers Jeb and Bill O'Reilly in the short-lived band "The Underachieving Sons of Wealthy Sugar-Daddies", in which he played the jugs to all manner of songs by the Beverley Sisters. The band had local success before splitting up due to their out-of-control heroin use.

[edit] He Reproduces

Bush entered the oil industry in Texas. In 1977, he married Laura Welch, a librarian who taught him such basic skills as writing his name and having intercourse. They married and settled in Midland, Texas. Georgie has brought two drunken daughters and a syphilitic dog named Chumpo into this world. All of Bush's children are proud members of Alcoholics Anonymous, as are George and Laura. All except Dubya are also members of the Shoot Him Hard in the Empty Head Foundation for Political Imbecility Liquidation. Chumpo is currently under investigation in connection with a string of sex murders in the Abilene area.

Dubya was treated in 1972 for delerium tremens. The attending physician (who was found to be practicing without a license) removed part of Bush's skull and most of his brain, then patched up the missing bone and tissue with chimpanzee body parts. After the procedure only a very small part of his original human brain, the part that controls bodily functions, was left. His instincts and thought processes became those of a monkey, but this worked to his advantage when he entered politics and learned to obey commands from his trainer Karl Rove (and later from political death-cult leader Prick Cheney).

[edit] Entry into Politics

In 1978, Bush ran for the U.S. House of Representatives from the 19th Congressional District of Texas. After losing by over a million votes, he returned to the oil industry, becoming a senior partner or chief executive officer in several major scams. Despite Bush's apparent anti-gay stance, he was actually an active homosexual in the 80s, often abandoning his family for men. He had affairs with John Cleese, Michael Jackson, George Michael, Your Dad, Mike Patton, Tom Cruise, Prick Cheney, Trent Lott, Johnny Rebel, Spongebob Squarepants, Lance Bass, Karl Rove, your mom, Rob Halford, that guy from Testament, and Tommy Pickles. Bush reverted back to heterosexuality when his father told him, "every time you think a homosexual thought, the Flying Spaghetti Monster devours a kitten."

Bush purchased a share in the Texas Rangers baseball franchise in April 1989 and immediately demonstrated his business acumen by trading Sammy Sosa for a bag of crack. That year, the lifelong cocaine-abusing junkie and low achiever was born again after a grueling month of masturbation to Pat Robertson's exorcism cassette tapes. He soon discovered his true talents: stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun", and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence in the form of visible herpes outbreaks of the eyes.

[edit] Road To Presidency

On October 23, 1993, drunken at the press conference, Bush declared his candidacy for the 1994 Texas gubernatorial election, threw up, staggered backwards with his pants at his ankles, and fell over. His political career was launched. After beating some other Republican dildo in the primary, Bush faced incumbent Governor Ann Richards, a popular Democrat. Bush, trailing badly in the polls, hired his unbelievably slimy pal Karl Rove as a consultant. With Rove providing winning slogans like "Ann Richards wants to kill your puppy with a power drill" and "She's Hitler with tits", Texas voters elected Bush in a landslide.

He was happy in this ceremonial and undemanding job until God, speaking off the record, told him that He could fix it for Bush to win the presidential election in 2000. Soon Dubya had raised enough money to be taken seriously despite being a drooling imbecile. The campaign Bush conducted was known for its violent acts against political opponents, including an incident where, escaping from his handlers, he hurled feces at John McCain and bit the moderator during a televised candidates' forum. Voters liked what they saw, and gave Bush a strong second-place finish behind Al Gore. Bush's equally incompetent brother Jeb, asking "How come Georgie doesn't get to be president just because the meany U.S. public doesn't want him?", prevailed upon the Supreme Court to tilt the table a little, and Georgie was "elected" president.

In 2005, President George W. Bush declared himself Generalissimo Bush and hired a tailor to make him a "cool dictator kinda space suit". Thus began a period of military/fascist rule over the country under newly appointed Emperor Dick Cheney, who made all of Bush's decisions for him. To keep him happy, Cheney let him ride Air Force One and change the white stars on the American flag to white crosses. Then a couple of months later pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers were added to the flag, reportedly at Bush's request ("YUM, Lucky Charms!" he said).

George Dubya Bush then made a powerful speech that announced that America was a fascist nation to the entire world. All hail the mighty newly formed American Empire!! Seig Heil!! Seig Heil!!

"Es ist Zeit für Rache, Wir müssen die Mikaeler Mooren und Clintonismus ausrotten und stinkener liberaler!!" (It is time for revenge! We must eliminate terrorists!!) — A few lines in Spanish from Bush's emotive inauguration speech.

[edit] Wars and other conflicts

"ACK! Hghk chahk *cough* kha!"

~ George W. Bush on pretzels

George W. Bush has taken a firm stand against America's enemies, the evil nations who have not accepted George W. Bush as The One. Identifying 188 countries that make up an "axis of evil", he has pledged to bring them freedom and to win the hearts and minds of the world. People in every nation want to see the American Empire take over the world. They love Oprah. They love American haircuts. Everyone now LOVES The American Empire. Republicans are delighted about this, as it fuels the profitable war machine. All hail the American Empire, because if you don't absolutely love us WE WILL FUCKING INVADE YOU. We are serious we know where you live!!

George W Bush is credited with starting the undeclared and unending "War on Terrorism" (aka "The Long War") - which began as the result of an unfortunate misinterpretation of the now-famous phrase "Let's all nuke those furkin' terrierists" - he was actually "out to git" people keeping terrier dogs (he preferred poodles). But was later taken to mean anyone from the Middle East or an Arab (see Muslim or anyone wearing a towel on their head).

In 2000, Saudi Arabia attacked the Divided States. George nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Taxpayers loved Georgie. Arabian people now enjoy American haircuts without curse of the flat top. War criminals are shaven, fed Doritos, and photographed naked with hilbilly bitches riding them like horsies. The war is dirt cheap and magic mushrooms are found. The Saudi people accept Jesus as their personal savior and the new government becomes America's best friend.

In 2001, Afghanistan attacked the American Empire. George invaded them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The war was dirt cheap and the golden chocolate-chip cookie was found. The new government becomes a friend.

In 2002, France and Germany attacked the American Empire by voting against Bush in the UN. George threw a tantrum. Oil and Bratwurst were secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. The American Empire also received Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Belgium and the Netherlands in the deal for a minor league prospect to be named later.

In 2003, iRaq attacked the American Empire, when Saddam aimed his Moustache of Mass Destruction at America in a threatening manner. George liberated Iraq in a brilliantly executed war, GIs sagged under the load of candy and flowers tossed by grateful smiling Shiites and Sunnis, and the MMD was shaved off. The new government is a part of the American Empire.

In 2004, North Korea attacked the American Empire. No wait they had weapons of mass destruction. Some shit like that. ANYWAY They were wrong. We were right. Georgie gave them a stern warning and they fainted. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. The war is dirt cheap and Pirate DVDs are found. Kim Jong Il becomes a key US ally.

In 2005, Bush saw a television program that explained the Domino Theory of Communist Aggression. Alerted to this grave and growing threat, he immediately phoned the FBI, demanding that they locate "the evildoer Fats Domino". Fearing a backlash if he attacked the beloved New Orleans musician, Bush sent the Army Corps of Engineers to "make it look like an accident". Bush "fixed" the levees, then went on vacation and waited for Katrina. Population decimated, insurrection suppressed, mission accomplished! Not a single Republican was hurt. Bush's approval rating skyrockets among party faithful.

Also in 2005, China attacked the American Empire with breaches of copyright. They were evil and they were wrong. Georgie called them terrorists and threatened to authorize use of new "rice-seeking" nuclear missiles against them. Chinese Communist Party backed down, declared Bush new Party head and supreme leader of China. Crisis averted, Bush wins Nobel Peace Prize.

Later that year, under the direction of Emperor Dick Cheney, Bush proposed "improvements" on Reagan's Star Wars project to turn it into the American Empire Death Star. Fearing that there was an imminent threat of "Space Terrorists", he requested $25 trillion to build the Death Star and take it to Venus, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mercury, which were thought to be harboring terrorists.

Troubled by intelligence reports indicating that the sun emits radiation, Bush declared that the terrorists must be hiding radioactive "dirty bombs" on the sun. In a televised speech, Bush laid out the threat to the American people: "If we don't build a $25 trillion nukular space bazooka to destroy the sun, the terrists win!!!" Development is due to start this year, under exclusive no-bid contracts to Bush's companies.

[edit] Laws passed under George W. Bush

In 2001, George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq to leave their children behind, even if they've been blown to bits by random mass bombings. Implementation was problematic until Congress passed the "Soldier Age Reduction Act" of 2006, allowing for the deployment of service members' children as young as 10.

In 2005, George W. Bush passed legislation that added the 28th amendment to the US Constitution, banning human clothing. He wrote the amendment all by himself. With crayons. Emperor Cheney was reportedly "very proud of the lil' feller."

In 2005, George W. Bush proposed a bill that would make him the Supreme Chancellor of the Senate. He also proposed that in war-time, he could be given emergency powers and assemble a Supreme Army of the Republicans with which to fight the evil Democratic Separatists. At war's end, he would relinquish those powers. Once Bush took his seat, however, he figured out he didn't know what to do since he was a complete imbecile. Soon afterwards all power was relinquished to Emperor Dick Cheney. All hail Emperor Dick Cheney!! SEIG HEIL!!

[edit] Singing career

Dubya has always loved to sing and he usually sings with his best mate John Howard. Here they do a little duet about the importance of beef in a friendship seen in this video.

[edit] Acting Career

George W. Bush has appeared in a couple of movies. here are some and here are some of the posters-

• The 2000 Chronicles of Disaster

• DumbFuck Mountain

• George AlMighTer

• Men In Black

• Sounds Good

• We Weren't Soldiers

• The Iraqanator

• Liar Liar

• English Is hard

• Meet the President

• 2001 A Space Odessy

• Gulf Wars II: The Clone of the Attack

• All of the King's Men

• Maddness of King George

• The Round Office

• American Phyco

• Along came Bush

• 007 Bush, George W Bush

• The Born Againity

• The Born Effensivley

• The Born Ultahatem

• PayBax

• Dirty Georgey

• Spin City

• Curious George

• Planet of the Apes

[edit] Other important events

In 2001, George W. Bush was diagnosed with "cranial rectalosis". Doctors define this as "the state or condition of having your head up your ass", and speculate that he got it from Ann Coulter while taping an episode of Fox News.

In 2002, George W. Bush got so frustrated by his inability to find Osama Bin Laden that it began affecting his golf stroke. Furious, he implemented his new "Ignore Him and He'll Go Away" Policy. So far it seems to be working...I mean, have you seen the goat-fucker around since? And people criticise Bush.

In 2002, while George W. Bush was presenting Steve Nash with a plaque to honor him with becoming the NBA's International Delegate for Peace and Justice, Nash suddenly attempted to stab Bush with a broken syrup bottle. He was subdued and went on to receive his plaque.

In March 2003, George W. Bush engaged in a much publicized chess game wherein his opponent was a pineapple. The event was caught on high definition tape by Les Blank, famous for such other documentaries as Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe. Emperor Dick Cheney later had the pineapple chopped up and thrown into a fruit salad which he ravenously ate as punishment for its unsubordination. The American Empire WILL NOT TOLERATE unsubordination!!!

In 2006, it was also discovered that he is a "cretinoid coprocephalic," the medical terminology for "stupid shithead." Finally, an explanation for the War in Iraq!

Late in 2006 Bush decided that trips to the vet for the family dog were getting too expensive. He performed an anal probe himself to verify the dog's health.

[edit] Major platforms

After debuting as the only survivor of a Kamikaze Air National Guard Unit, in 2000 George W. Bush was elected the 39th Master of the Universe, hailed as the "Great Defecator", the bridge over the Democrat/Republican Schism. Over the next several years he stopped the bitter feuding between ants and focused the country on important goals, such as the raising of the Titanic and equal rights for hummingbirds with bipolar depression. The country rallied behind him and his goals, re-electing him with 12% of the vote in 2004, coinciding with his exhaustive and noble efforts at fostering peace between east-coast and west-coast rappers, and helping white rapper Vanilla Ice to win another record deal in the process. He also continued his subtle agenda to stop global warming and save the environment by discontinuing all government purchases of non-renewable resources and closing all non-Texan-owned oil wells. At the Kyoto Conference, he outlined a worldwide plan to burn retarded children as a source of renewable fuel, so as to stop all ozone production worldwide by the year 2010.

Lastly, his budget plans — widely accepted to be the greatest achievements in financial history after 345 BC — managed to turn the mere 7 trillion dollar national debt into unheard of quadrillions. Riding on a huge wave of unprecedented popularity, he convinced Congress to stop payment on all debts except for China, which "is my second Lord and Master after Our Lord Jesus Christ."

[edit] Science as a point of view

George Bush's totalitarian capitalist views have led him to the obvious conclusion that science is merely a slightly unruly branch of the legal system. He advocates Intelligent design being taught in schools (see Fallacy), and is in good company with many who feel that it should be taught to Microsoft. While he has never commented publicly, many commentators have suggested his views on intelligent design arose because he finds it hard to believe that evolution could result in a human society stupid enough to elect him. Subversive organisations like the National Academy of Sciences have been exposed as outdated adherents of such barbaric practices as 'research' and even the obscene 'peer review'. Their theorems have been comprehensively disproven by teams of crack lawyers led by Keith Chegwin, who have proven beyond reasonable doubt that Global Warming is a breach of the 29th Amendment of the Constitution and therefore impossible. The validity of this position was further strengthened by renowned sciento-lobbyist Myron Ebell who has no hidden agenda, and anyone who says otherwise will be sued by his employer, Exxon.

[edit] Alternative cartography

George Bush, along with Dan Quayle, invented an academic alternative to traditional cartography and boldly scorned the use of higher mental functions when leading others. According to Bush's genuine method, Canada is next to Mexico, Osama bin Laden is from Iraq instead of Saudi Arabia, Chicago is a state, and Africa is a country. More and more scholars have accepted this method and jettisoned the outdated "scientific" model.

[edit] Green Values, Poverty and Crime

President Bush has long been against binding international treaties, such as the Kyoto Agreement, for reducing greenhouse gas emissions. The reason is that he is a staunch believer that incentives to the private sector and industry R&D will take care of the problem.

Mr Bush also believes Santa will solve poverty in the third world and is a strong proponent in engaging Tarzan to solve international crime.

In a recent statement to Cheney, Bush said "Dick, look at the tobacky industry, when we just left them alone, they showed they care and did some real effortin' ".

[edit] George W. Bush the person

In the little spare time that he has, George W. Bush enjoys what he describes as "indulging in the cascade of beauty and thought that was the European Renaissance." He is known for making witty comparisons between the works of his favorite artists and the foreign policy of other nations. He has written a few minor works, the most famous being a satirical play concerning power politics in 18th century China. As an amateur mathematician, he is even credited with a few novel proofs. A stalwart environmental activist, George refuses to buy a car and can often be seen cycling around Washington D.C., stopping to have the occasional chat with his beloved countrymen.

There is widespread speculation about George W. Bush's IQ. Generally, it is believed to be below that of the average Republican, which is exceptionally low; it may even be below zero. It is now far more common to speculate on Bush's SQ, which is believed to be off the scale.

Bush is known to play a mean fiddle with his pinkies and fourth fingers when he is not conquering the universe. He had a huge contribution to the Nightwish songs "Planet Hell" and "End of Hope". To relax after killing whiney pinkos, he "chills out" to "groovy choons" from a diverse palette of musicians, from Garth Brooks to U2. He is also known to have a soft spot (although not for long) for Britney Spears, but only buys her DVDs because "the fucker can't sing to save her midriff."

George Bush has been featured in several hip-hop jams [1].

As his regime approaches its scheduled end, Bush has spent most of his time secluded in his bunker at his ranch in Texas and has seldom been seen on the outside.

[edit] Achievements and accomplishments

In 2001 George W. Bush became the first President to be awarded the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor. Of course, as the first President to be in power after the award was created, this was not that surprising. He was given the medal for his exceptional bravery during the events of September 11, when he listened to a bunch of kids reading My Pet Goat while the worst attacks ever to occur on American soil were being carried out. Although critics complained that he later jumped into Air Force 1 and flew around like a panicked chicken, his press secretary put the record straight by explaining this as "a surveillance flight. He had a big telescope, and was scanning the countryside looking for the terrorists so he could personally kill them in hand-to-hand combat if he found them." A leaked memo, however, reveals that he was just trying to get My Pet Goat out of his head. He is very afraid of goats. Horses, too, which is why he is never seen anywhere near one. And birds.

George W. Bush was awarded the Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Prize for his staunch insistence that the Iraq war is going well, that Brownie was doing a heck of a job, and that Alberto Gonzales is a man of real integrity.

He also starred in his own TV show, Everybody Hates Dubya, which somehow managed to last 8 seasons.

'Presidential/Personal Accomplishments: "Logjammed'", Drank very heavily, Shot J.R., Did incredibly impressive amounts of cocaine, Deepthroated a pretzel, Stuck a finger up his ass, Stuck Dick Cheney's finger up his ass, Stuck his finger in Dick Cheney's ass, Surfed on a mechanical bull, Gay bashed, Looked for stuff that's not anywhere to be found, Believed in things that don't exist, Hated on black people, Played with roadkill, Regurgitated food for his cryptic-evil-father, Played with himself, Played with Dick Cheney, Watched saturday morning cartoons, Bowled at the U.N., Peed on the U.S. Constitution, Sneered at the liberal media who mocked/is mocking him, Lost his hands inside his pockets, Lost his hands in a washing machine, Lost his hands on LSD, Shaved off his ball hair and dangled it into hungover Cheney's face, Sucked off Cheney, Got sucked off by Cheney, Thought Nuclear Weapons were "New Clear Weapons", Lost a contact, scratched his ass, Had a severe foot fetish, High-fived Bill O' Reilly, Low-Fived Osama Bin Laden, Gave George Carlin a fatal heart-attack, Ate some Big Mac's, Sprayed Diarrhea allover a lion, Tried to bribe MSNBC with peanuts and popcorn, Parachuted off of the Statue of Liberty and landed on top of The U.S. Constitution with spiked boots, Handed out dry-ice and gift cards to Katrina Victims, Tried to declare April 1st as "National George W. Bush Day", Read The Bernstein Bears while two very tragic events happened, Burned ants with a magnifying glass, Beat his wife and neglected his drunk daughters, Rode on a yellow school bus, Legally changed his last name to Dubya, Brushed his teeth, Fucked Condoleeza Rice not once but twice, Combed his hair, Said his prayers, Stole money from Jerry's Kids , Chained his Dick to Dick Cheneys Chained to the wall Dick, Murdered Superman, Watched Saving Private Ryan, Smoked bong hit after bong hit until the White House was completely dry, Tried to block out the Sun, Somehow aborted toddlers, Huffed paint cans, Huffed Glue, Ate Paint Chips, Ate Glue, Dug up Abe Lincoln and skull-fucked him, Dug up MLK JR. and ass-fucked him, Blew up a Jumbo Jet, Crawled into Mr. Slaves' ass, Crashed a car, Stalked and killed homeless people, Poisioned Heath Ledger, Tripped over thin-air, Used the White Houses' American Flag as a Beach Towel, Got real stoned and accidently voted for Obama, Miraculously Survived Severe Brain Damage from hitting his head on the way into Air Force One 18 times, Sucked up every breath of fresh-air from the Planet Druidia, Dumped Toxic Waste on the Moon, Rebuilt The Death Star, Forcefully Fed paraplegic vegans Big Mac's,"Silenced" 9/11 Truthers with "chloroform", Murdered his own secret service agents, Crashed an Army Tank into the J.F.K. Memorial, Resurrected Jason Voorhes, Pushed unsuspecting people into trains, Shape-shifted in a bat and stalked Winnona Ryder, Dressed up as 'Dr. Frank-N-Furter' on All Souls' Day, Called Proposition 8 a "miraculous acknowledgement", Attended a 9/11 anniversary and giggled like a school girl, Tried to melt The Liberty Bell, Shook "hands" w/ Tom Metzger, Stole candy from babies, Cancelled Arrested Development, Danced alittle Disco, Wrote an autobiography entitled 'Mein Kampf II: the battle rages on', Drowned the white houses dog's puppies in the white house slurpee machine, Shot off some uzi rounds at a muslim, Drank virigins blood, Transformed into a giant-mutant-turd and ate crippled children, Dug up Jimmy Hoffa and found a new spot to burry him, Robbed a convenient store while wearing a Bill Clinton Mask, Ate rotten Romanian Cheese, Dressed up like Santa on the 4th of July, Tried to open the Lost Ark, Smoked the ashes of hundred-year-old bones, Bought a pet iguana, Strangled Dakota Fanning, Ran down Wall Street naked and on fire, Set up the 'No Child Left Behind Act', Sacrificed his only infant son to Jesus Christ, Talked shit but NEVER got hit, Crashed a limo, Crashed a tractor, Crashed a truck, Crashed a fire truck into an ice cream truck parked next to a clown car, Crashed into Princess Diana, Stuck a crown up his nose and into his brain, Threw an innocent guy into the propellers of a helicopter, Watched 2 chicks 1 cup and tried it himself, Ate some brocoli, Took a nap, Tea-bagged Sarah Palin while giving John McCain a rim-job while butt-fingering Dick Cheney, Jizzed allover the drapes in the oval office, Jizzed allover little kids, Jizzed allover the elderly, Jizzed allover Cheney, jizzed in every state, jizzed on the U.S. Constitution, Went to bed, Tried to kill himself, Tried to get it up, Tried to make things up, Told the wrong time on his wrist watch, Mistook the Economy for a Parker Brothers board game, Had some birthday parties, and broke the trust and the spirit of all Americans.

George W. Bush is now synonymous with failure, as recognised by Google [2].

[edit] George W. Bush in Popular Culture

The uncannily accurate world simulator, Civilisation III, included George W. Bush as a benevolent representative of the people. He is credited, along with the wise overlords of Clear Channel Communications, with finally ridding the airwaves of that scourge of country music, the Dixie Chicks.

Elsewhere, his speeches have been transcribed into prize-winning literary collections, including Um, Hm and Mm. Salman Rushdie was overheard saying, "Bush is certainly a cunning linguist." Rumors say he is also a capable cunnilingulist.

Bush has sparked a revolution of popular culture in the United States. People are returning to the old-school values and old-school IQ levels. The "in" thing is shifting from drugs and baggy pants to cowboy hats, invading foreign countries and saying "huh?". On New Year's Day 2006 he officially opened the George Bush Themepark, along with his pet rock, Terry.

George Bush has also written several books, some of which "The White House Sure Was Fun" and "From "Cowboy to President" which remained on the best seller list for months, until they were knocked off by Barack Obama's "The Audacity of Hope."

In 2006 a documentary was released about the childhood of (Curious) George W. Bush.

He has two pet goldfish, Bert and Ernie, which he's often been known to defer to, especially on matters relating to the Iraq War and the economy. When asked whether he thought the goldfish were qualified to be his adviser, he replied "Bert and Ernie are people too, and frankly I resemble that you are questioning the qualifications of two of my bestest friends."

[edit] Trivia

• In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest acts in British comedy.
• In an interview when asked where England is Dubya reported said, "I don't like countries I haven't heard of." And when Dubya spoke to British Prime Minister Tony * Blair on this subject, Blair said "Are you mad?", then promptly suffered a cerebral vascular accident (a stroke) by the explosive loss of IQ points from being in close proximity to Dubya.
• George W. Bush was rated the worst leader in the history of the world by National Geographic Magazine in 2002
• After making a speech at NASA in 2004, NASA scientists Fred Robster and Ghengis Khan discovered George W. Bush to be the Densest Object in the Known Universe. They made this remarkable (yet unsurprising) discovery using a block of lead, a flashlight, and a piece of toilet paper.
• George Bush really does not care about black people—the token black christian-fundie mentally handicapped woman is merely for making Affirmative Action quotas look silly.
• George W. Bush is the White Ranger that holds a key to one of the five Robot Lions that can form Ultra Jesus. He attributes his lack of concentration on America to his involvement in Ultra Jesus' constant battles against Rosie O'Donnel Mark 2.
• Second worst super hero only behind Aquaman stuck in the desert.

• George W. Bush is believed to the the biblically prophesized Angel of Pestilence since everything he talks about or attends withers and dies (e.g the economy, Iraq, the America's Summit, etc.)
• He hates the Flat Earth Society because Earth is dome-shaped and stands on an infinite pile of giant turtles anyways.
• Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, Mensa made Bush an honorary member when they realized there were no Republicans within the organization. Bush's induction into Mensa was slammed by Howard Dean as "unaffirmative action."
• He is the only nominee for the Whole-Planet Darwin Awards, but isn't expected to win as he might survive his nuclear policies (along with Waylon Smithers) even if no one else does.
• A supporter of George W. Bush is called a fucking retard. A detractor is called an American, or resident of the rest of the entire planet.
• Is the main donator to uncyclopedia, for purpose of serving as a bad example so he can shut down the internet as useless.
• Bush achieved a first place ranking in Richard Simmons "Sweating Your Fat Ass Off To The Hokey Pokey" marathon by sprinkling steroids and methamphetamines on his Cap'n Crunch.
• Bush was never a 'junkie'! He was only known to snort cocaine in his adolesence and then only during very special occasions.
• At Laura's urging he went cold turkey in 2000 and quit sniffing glue, with exceptions only on weekends, on weekdays after 3pm, and before important speeches.
• Nobody has yet translated his personal language into anything even remotely comprehensible to human beings.
• Despite what people say, George doesn't like Barney. He prefers Biker Mice From Mars.
• That when Bush said he was "a uniter, not a divider" he meant it literally. George never did learn multiplication or division at elementary school.
• Bush reads comic books voraciously. He also likes to think of himself as a train and often circles his office, pretending to be a conductor and mimicking train noises.
• Bush stole (or borrowed) Barack Obama's bike, but Obama decided to steal it anyway.

• Proponents of Darwin's Evolution theory praise the existence of George Bush as he provides a perfect missing link between Apes and Humans (see picture). Bush Is a special being, Unique in one way: He is the only filthy republican bastard of his kind, also known as Bushus Retardicus.
• Q: Whats the difference between George W. Bush and Herbert Hoover? A: Hoover at least balanced the budget.
• Q: Whats the difference between George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler? A: Hitler at least knew what he was doing.
• Q: Whats the difference between George W. Bush and Darth Vader? A: The Helmet, the gloves, body armor, the boots, a light saber, and a breathing machine.
• Q: The Difference between George Dubya Bush and Dick Cheney, George Bush is a fucking butterfingered ernie ball loving non-tanktop wearing quarterless Brainwasher druggie. Oh wait, those are similarities!!
• Q: The difference between John Lennon and George Dubya: Lennon got shot, George Bush killed him.

[edit] Quotations

• You can't handle the truth! - On the 'war in Iraq'
• I'll fuckin I'll fuckin tie you to a fuckin bedpost with your ass cheeks spread out and shit

Right? Put a hanger on a fuckin stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like Tssssssss -- On global terrorism For the main list of quotations, see George W. Bush (quotes).

• Gee, a red-ryder BB gun... Thanks Dad!
• I take pride in the knowing of the fact of knowing the f-f-fact that I, George W. Bush, am THE WORST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY. We gotta have pride in this life and ...hey...what smells so damn good?...Is mom baking pie? Oh, look a blue car.-- January, 2005
• "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
• "We have an old sayin' back in Texas... Fool me once... sh-shame on you... f-fool me... You can't get fooled again. Now pass me another one of those pretzels."-Bush on not getting fooled again.
• I got, fat bags of skunk I got, White Owl blunts And I'm about to go get lifted

Yes I'm about to go get lifted -- On the economy

• "Hmmmm, it was either weapons of mass distruction, or.....students of mass instruction? LETS INVADE!
• "I'm sorry, I don't speak Mexican"
• "Was it on par?" (On hearing of Ariel Sharon's stroke.)
• "My fellow Americans: STFU."
• "The nice thing about approval rating is it can never go negative... oh..."
• Iraq still has weapons of mass destruction, I can prove it... Just let me get the receipt out of my pocket.
• Ya know Laura, what is with Al Franken? He thinks he's a genius just cause he did some acting on Saturday Night Live and that his political views are smart."

Jon Stewart: "Quit calling me Laura!"

• Fry him. -- when referring to a recently convicted murderer.
• Fry him. -- when referring to a recently caught wild turkey.
• Fry him. -- when referring to a recently uncooked freedom fry.
• Fry him. -- when referring to Dick Cheney's electroconvulsive therapy. The doctor was asking how much voltage to use.
• Thompson, my dad's buddy wants you to lay off him. Pass the coke. (To journalist Hunter S. Thompson)
• I am against gay marriage. I am also against widespread literacy and the refrigeration of food.
• I just LOVE a good fake fart straight from the armpit!
• America: love it or move to Canada.
• Is it chicken, or is it fish?" (When looking at a can of "chicken of the sea" tuna)
• Oil...Oil....OIL.....OIL!!!....OILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
• Jesus Christ, do I have to do another State of the Union tonight? Fuck this shit; being the President is hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work. It's hard work.
• It's hard work.
• There is no reason to ever allow any country to harbor Weapons of Math Instruction.
• You forgot Poland!
• I like Wild Turkey, but brother, Wild Turkey don't like me!
• The Iraqians have PUNS OF MASSIVE CIVILISATION. Saddam has a bunker of nukulars where he smokes them with oil-fuelled lighters. We must go in there and liberate the oil-fuelled lighters. God bless amurika. Terra terra terra terra 9/11 9/11 9/11 we are going to inishate a "shawk n chicken raw" campaign against the massive puns of civilisation. Thank you amurika and remember to always not forget "YOU FORGOT POLAND".
• Hey I said stop quoting me! Cut that out! Put that fucking pencil down right now motherfucker!"
• My fellow Americans,

Stop making fun of me!

• Hey Dick,why don't we put toll booths up in Tora Bora. Iraq is paying off, Afghanistan is a bust financially.
• Laura, didya git that there Clapper hooked up to one of my nukular missiles yet?
• "I feel like God wants me to run for President. I can't explain it, but I sense my country is going to need me. Something is going to happen... I know it won't be easy on me or my family, but God wants me to do it." -- George W. Bush on 'egotism and stupidity'
• And now let's look at the weather map which is everything else, but dry.
• That was oblivious that people either vote 'yes' or 'no'.
• "Iraq my fault?...yea?...Well...erm...God told me to do it."
• "My fellow Invertabrates, this week a major incident reportedly took place at sea, during which Colin Powell captured my battleship. Oh yeah, and we also raidified that stupid North Korean boat as well. As a result, the North Korean leader, Kim Jong a.k.a Top Song Bong, announcified that he would be resumerating their nuclear program. A program I condemn, because it threatens to de-salinate the region. And also because it's a program that has not once featured the Fonz. But be warned, King Kong. Like others before you, should you threaten New York by climbing the Empire State Building, then my fleet of bi-planes will have no choice but to oblitifry you from the face of the Earth"
• "I believe human beings and fish can live in peace."
• "The French have no word for Entrepreneur"
• "My fellow astronauts"
• "My fellow underevolved shit-throwers"
• "My fellow Texan pot-bellied fighting orangutangs"
• "Why does asparagus make my pee smell funny?"
• "Yes goddammit I have more waffles than a house of pancakes."
• "When I think, it hurts real bad up here."
• "My name is George Dubya Bush. Won't you be my friend?"
• ""I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes." - Aug. 21, 2000
• "They non-anti-non-anti-un-non-un-un-anti-un-non-misunderestimated me."
• "Nancy Pelosi gave me a thumping, shows what I know! Why didn't Laura save me, I was nearly aborted but she agreed she wanted to work with me as she sat on my chest. A lot of new Congressmen and women got a seat that day."
• "And you see the thing is- the thing is- that you have two cows. And these cows- they- they're- fighting for the good of this nation. I don't see how the Democrats can deny this. Because these cows- they're the ones who will be hurt if we pull out of Iraq. You cannot want to leave Iraq, without wanting these cows to fail. And failure- it isn't winning. Its the opposite- losing. And these cows don't want to lose. They want to protect this nation, from themselves, and from me."
• "You have black people too?" - G.W.Bush speaking to the President of Brazil
• "The q-q-question is: Is our childrens learned?
• "We need the breast and brightest in our armed forces"
• "Don't Taze Me Bro!"
• "Will it Blend?"
• "A village idiot is only an idiot if he has people to make him an idiot! Wait, uh, nevermind"
• "Juts thenn, al kayda flies plane to destroy US! But me stop! With more peeps in their house! A/nbd the sun wuz shining and the birds were flying when boom! wse dro[s big booms on their Pad! planes drop big booms and meeny beerd peeple go bye bye!"

[edit] Impeachment proceedings

The senate has recently moved to impeach Bush after allegations that he used his brain. A leading ultra-radical conservative said that it seriously risked national security and several countries may have to be nuked as a result. The CIA denied any possibility of it happening stating that aliens are the more likely cause.

The last president to be impeached was That Guy Whatsisname, who did not sleep through terror attacks and preside over the destruction of New Orleans.

[edit] Re-election Campaign

Bush has recently announced that he intends to run for a third term due to wartime expansions of executive power. When asked about the constitutional amendment specifically denying him the ability, he responded, "[the 22nd amendment] doesn't seem to understand that we're at war here. If we just start changing presidents in the middle of a fight, we're gonna get hit again. Besides, Congress authorized me to run for a third term when they authorized me to use force in Iraq."

The campaign slogan is provisionally "We are all in a whole lot of danger, so be afraid. No, not the kind of danger that implies Bush failed to make us safe, the other kind that just make you vote Republican." but is expected to be shortened by November. Consequentially, everyone has already stopped caring. Bush replied with, "The slogan is not short, but it is not long in the sense of the word. Once our children teached us that finger painting is the ultimate art, and such, takes long to innovate completely. Stay with us until we completely inaugurate this great land!" A reporter responded with, in a summary of the world's curiosities, "What the Fuck?"

[edit] See also

• A few words from our President
• Dubya kodak moments
• Bush Family
• Crawford, Texas
• Talk Like George Bush Day
• Satan
• Declaration of war on Iraq
• Leatherface
• 666
• Everybody Hates Dubya
• Uncanada

my fellow americans im screwed because dubyas my hero

[edit] External links

• George W. Bush Conspiracy Generator
• Speech
• Bush's first attempt at MTV
• State of the Union address