George Formby
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“I'd give him a little stick of Blackpool rockâ€
~ Noel Coward on George Formby
“HOWL!!!â€
~ Oscar Wilde on George Formby's Furriness
“In Soviet Russia George Formby plays records of YOU!!â€
~ Russian Reversal on George Formby
George Formby OBE is a comedian, actor, and musician from Wigan in deepest darkest Lancashire. He is currently Supreme High Emperor of the British Empire because King George VI is currently living it up onboard his Steamyacht anchored off Cape Town.
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[edit] Birth and early career
George was born in 1904 to George Formby Senior, a famous music hall star and ukulele player, and his mother Cilla Black. George originally trained to be a jockey but in 1915, one of the horses he worked with developed an allergy to Brylcreem and died. As a result he was banned by Lancashire county council from ever being a jockey again. George decided to get a job and became a window cleaner.
In 1921 George Formby Senior died after being run over by the fastest milk cart in the West driven by Håns 'Ernie' Mølemån, a partially-sighted Dane. Devastated by his father's death, George sank into a deep depression and developed a severe Kitten Huffing addiction and an affinity for Wolves, While clearing out the attic one day, George found Formby's banjolele, an instrumented created by nightmarish genetic meddling in 1913 by scientist Alvin D. Keech.
Delighted with his find George, took the instrument down and gradually learnt to play it over the next couple of years. By 1925, he was a master banjolele player, fourth dan.
[edit] Stardom
George Formby Jnr soon became a houshold name in his native Wigan. In 1926 George wrote Chinese Laundry Blues, a slightly racist song about a Chinese man who lives in Limehouse and can't launder clothes very well (It has recently been adopted by the BNP as their anthem) The song was an instant hit, selling 37 and a half copies in its first week alone. 1927 was a great year for George; not only did he marry Beryl Ingham, a local clog dancer, but he had another smash hit with Sitting on the Ice in the Ice Rink.
[edit] Movies and more Hits
In 1933 George was asked by the film company Associated Talking Pictures to star in a new film, Boots! Boots! as John William, the man who cleans the shoes in a Lancashire Hotel. The film was a mild success earning George £8 10s 3d, which were a lot of money in them days. Another 26 films followed, all featuring at least 2 of his new songs, turning George into a national treasure and the highest paid entertainer in the world.
In 1936 in the film It's up Uranus ATP turned George into a double act with fellow ukulele player Ivor Biggun, the addition of Ivor proved a massive success and box office takings almost tripled overnight. George's post war films were not as popular as his pre-war work, The public couldn't get enough of him but the plots were getting ever more ridiculous, his last film with ATP, Time Flies, featured George traveling through time in a machine built by a loony inventor is now considered one of Cinema's gems although was badly received at the time of it's release. Formby's last film was made by Columbia in 1960, it had no plot as such (it was a series of linked sketches in which George performed many classic hits and several new songs) but was immensly popular with audiences around the globe.
[edit] Full List of Films
- Boots! Boots! (1933)
- On the Dole (1934)
- Oh Mother! (1935)
- The Limit's 35MPH (1935)
- Turned out Nice Again! (1936)
- It's up Uranus (1936)
- The Weird World of the Welsh (1937)
- Feather your Nest (1937)
- Hindoo Man (1938)
- Come on George! (1938)
- I see Ice on Blackpool shore (1939)
- Let George do it (1939)
- Trouble Brewing (1939)
- I Didn't do it (1940)
- Silence of the Lambs (1941)
- The End (1941)
- George Strikes Again (1946)
- Room 316 (1946)
- Mr. Hepplewhites Holiday (1947)
- Merry Christmas George! (1947)
- Time Flies (1950)
- Happy Go Lucky Me! (1960)
[edit] After Stardom
George slowly retired from showbusiness in the 1950's. He moved to Lytham St Annes (the posh end of Blackpool) and decided to write a five-volume book on his home town, the book was to be called The History of Wigan, but he never got further than 1300BC, George keeps the still un-finished manuscript under his bed. In 1960 Beryl, his domineering wife, died. He had to sell his detached house in Lytham to pay for funeral expenses and move back into his mam's Victorian terraced house. However, little did he realise that his mother had rented out the spare bedroom to Håns Mølemån, the Dane who had accidentally killed George Formby Snr. It is not known what happened to Hans' after George discovered that he was living in his mams house, but Håns' hat and walking stick were later found floating in the canal.....
[edit] The Present Day
George currently lives in his mothers house which she had left him in her will (she's not actually dead, just living in Liverpool, which is nearly as bad as being dead) and works at the local Netto supermarket, operating the cardboard crushing machine.
At weekends George enjoys sitting on a deckchair at the top of Blackpool Tower playing some of his biggest hits (Including Leaning on a Tank, Mr. Wu's a Chief Engineer now and many others) George also enjoys reading Harry Potter and Bashing two Bricks together.
Every September he appears at the George Formby Convention in the Blackpool Winter Gardens and takes requests. Although he never leaves the stage without performing Chinese Laundry Blues, When I'm Cleaning Windows and Leaning on a Lamp Post.
[edit] Supreme High Emperor of the British Empire
George was recently given the throne of Great Britain because His Majesty the King is wintering in Cape Town. George has so far refused to give power back to the King, Although who's complaining? Under George the Empire has grown in size even further than it's peak in 1922. China recently had to give up Hong Kong (again) and George personally sent a letter to the President of America revoking the United States' Independance. On a rather sad note George has declared war against Kaiser Wilhelm II because of Germany's claims on Swaziland. 5 months into the war not a single British person has even been injured though German casualties are said to be appaling.
[edit] Personal Life
After George married Beryl, being Catholic's, they had twelve children together (Doris, Deirdre, Ada, Audrey, Valerie, Ted, William, Paul, Daniel, Tim, Graeme and John). George smokes 40 Full strength Woodbines every day.
[edit] See Also
[edit] Links
| Ancient Palatine of Lancashire | ||
| Lancaster | Burnley | Padiham | Liverpool | St Helens | Wigan Preston | Manchester | Blackpool | Rochdale | Stockport | 
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Barmy British Stuff 
