George Galloway
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“After a hard day's work executing Iraqi socialists, it was good to have my "little Saddam" sucked by a Scottish one.”
~ Saddam Hussein on George Galloway
“He's the most tip top - Top Cat!”
~ Oscar Wilde on George Galloway
“This is the sort of thing I might expect to see on Fox News! FOX NEWS!!”
~ George Galloway on Uncyclopedia
George Duyawana-Metabedacat Galloway is a Scottish Ba'athist MP for somewhere in London. He is best known for being the only known living example of Felix sapiens and his close personal friendships with several Middle Eastern despots. He currently lives anywhere but Bow and Bethnal Green.
Contents |
[edit] Life
Galloway was born to decent, hardworking proletarian folk in the city of Glasgow in Scotland. His parents have no idea what happened.
In the late 1970s, impressed by the way it had made itself unpopular, Galloway joined the Labour Party. He subsequently became MP for Glasgow Kelvin. He created a "Galloway Fund" and arranged for thousands of pounds of taxpayers money to be diverted into it to pay for the champagne, caviar and cigars that he "needed" to get through his meetings with constituents. Galloway defended this calling it "my kind of socialism".
In the late 1980s and early 1990s, Labour took measures to improve its standing with voters following a long time in the political wilderness. Galloway objected to these changes saying "I don't want to be part of a party that looks after the interests of the common man, I want to be part of a party that looks after me and my mates whilst I pretend to look after the interests of the common man. It is the Glasgow Labour way." By chance, murderous despot Saddam Hussein read about Galloway's opinions and was touched by what seemed to be a man after his own heart. He invited Galloway to Baghdad which Galloway accepted in 1994. He was taken on a tour of the city and was impressed with how Saddam mixed bombastic populist rhetoric with bullying and harsh treatment of workers and trade unionists. The two men struck-up a friendship which endured until Saddam's execution for crimes against humanity in 2006.
In 2005, after an interview that can only be described as crackling with sexual tension, George began a homosexual relatonship with Jeremy Paxman.
His status as the only living member of the species 'Felix sapiens' remained unknown until his appearance as one of the celebrities on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006.
He famously left the Labour Party after they decided to bomb his friend's country. Now an independent MP, it is the only honest position he has held since he could not care less about anyone else's opinion - by his own admission.
Since 2007 George has been seen fondling meercats at London Zoo, but just before his climax they all fuck off and complain to the zoo keeper. George is also seen frequently peddling his wares to any small arab children who are lured into his den of debauchery by the promise of food and shelter, where they are enslaved to make his cheap ass suits and roll his giant cigars. Bit rough in London innit!!!
[edit] Fame
His career in British politics has been marked by a series of increasingly bizarre jobs he has taken "on the side" to generate what he calls "pocket money." These include standing in as a body-double for Chris Isaacs in the famous video for "Wicked Game," being a court-jester in the palaces of no less than 23489 Middle-Eastern despots, tribal leaders and minor feudal noblemen, and playing the role of the grouse in the advertisements for 'Famous Grouse' whisky. He also worked as house-price correspondent for the Daily Mail for a short time, a job requiring him to write up to seven articles every day. He is reputed to have earned a total of £74,566,495 for these endeavours.
In January 2006, in another of his sidelines, he appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, during which he was observed "doing a Monica". Unfortunately, this caused a breakdown of trust between George and his lover Paxman, who became increasingly jealous of his close relationship with Michael Barrymore during the show's run. Paxman was found drowned in a swimming pool with anal injuries some weeks later.
Aside from being the only living member of the species Felix Sapiens, winning him literally tens of adoring fans worldwide, George's fame mainly stems from being one of Saddam Hussein's leading apologists, and, as revealed recently, his father. He is is also less widely known (is that possible?) for shouting 'I WON, GET OVER IT!' at very intelligent schoolchildren, referring to his public catfight with Sam Allardyce over Jeremy Paxman.
[edit] Controversy
In a crazy Nazi-esque manner, George decided to storm out of UCC Philosophy last night. What a nazi!
Galloway at times appears confused and bizarrely claims to be a branch of Claire's Accessories in Northern England.
Apparently he was miffed that Gerry Grieg diccovered his love affair with Saddam Hussein, Greig saying that Galloway was just in it for the bribes. He accused Galloway of discussing military tactics with Hussein, coming with great masses of men from behind being both men's favourite approach... in battle.
Galloway was later quoted as saying "I mean don't get me wrong, i'd love a good anal probing at the best of times, but that lad Grieg was just too forceful".
George Galloway caused a security scare when he visited the House of Commons in August 2005, during the parliamentary recess. Since he didn't have any TV appearances or dictators to lunch with, he decided to go to work. Since he had seldom shown up for work since his election in 1987, no-one recogised him and this led to army bomb disposal units being called in. Galloway was safely detonated in a controlled explosion.
In July 2007, Galloway was suspended from Parliament for 18 months for being contemptible. Galloway responded to this with "Where?"
Galloway converted to Islam in 1854.
[edit] Kebabs
In May 2005, a U.S. Senate committee report accused Galloway along with former French minister Charles Pasqua of receiving the right to buy kebabs under the UN's kebab-for-food scheme. This controversial kebab-trail led directly from Saddam Hussein's front door right into Galloway's mouth. The committee also wanted to have a few words with him about oil, but he totally pwned those n00bs.
[edit] Controversial Views
In 2008 it was alleged that George Galloway's laughable views are in fact the result of a long running pub bet. Galloway adopted the most ridiculous opinions it is possible to hold in order to see how many people he could get to support him, purely for the amusement of Galloway and his friends.
In a drunken moment of honesty Galloway mocked supporters with a remarkably lucid analysis, "Look at that bitch that was on Big Brother, she looked like Jabba the fucking slutt. Useless bitch, obviously has nothing going on in her life so has to devote herself to some all-encompassing ideology in order to forge a sense of identity and escape from a damaged self. Throw yourself into the road darling, you haven't got a chance!" Galloway has refused to comment on the incident.
[edit] Some rumours cleared up
- George Galloway is NOT a Man
- George Galloway did NOT turn into a cat as a result of eating too much Polonium.
- George Galloway would NOT like YOU to be the cat.
- George Galloway does NOT have an Irish friend called Lee O'Tard
- George Galloway was NOT named after watching Saddam in the Gallows.
- George Galloway is NOT a type of cheese
- George Galloway does NOT love Jon Gaunt
- George Galloway does NOT love Muslims
- No, honest.
[edit] See also
Barmy British Stuff Categories: British | Loonies | People | UK Politics | Scotland | Nightmares Made Flesh | Cunts
