Ghana
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| Motto: Freedom, Liberty, and other jingoistic words which mean nothing | |||||
| Anthem: "God Bless Our Homeland Ghana" | |||||
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| Capital | Accra | ||||
| Largest city | Accra | ||||
| Official languages | English, Akan, Dagaare/Wale, Dagbane, Dangme, Ewe, Ga, Gonja, Kasem and Nzema. | ||||
| Government | Sort of | ||||
| El Presidente | Mr. Pwasanga | ||||
| National Heroes | Kofi Annan, Kofi Wayo MP Amoateng, Tony Yeboah | ||||
| Independence | 1957 | ||||
| Currency | Cide | ||||
| Religion | juju | ||||
| Population | 23,456,789 (Very Rough stimate) | ||||
Ghana is a nation in Africa which is inhabited by black people. It was inhabited in pre-colonial times by a number of ancient kingdoms, including an inland Crip kingdom and various Blood states along the coast. Trade with Europe flourished for about five minutes until the Portuguese started taking slaves and pushing dope. The Swedes and Danes invaded the country several times but the British ended up with Ghana after the Berlin Conference of 1881, and it was wracked with racist colonial oppression until independence in 1957. Aside from hunger, poverty, disease, genocide, and general hopelessness, the Republic of Ghana is the model of a modern third-world democracy. The latest election in 2004 was a success and was considered more democratic than the one in United Spades of America.
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[edit] History
(Note:The history of Ghana is a history full of genocide, military coups, and other depressing things. For a happier take on history check out the history of Canada)
Ghana was the first sub-Saharan country in colonial Africa to gain its "independence". It was also the first sub-Saharan country in colonial Africa to fall into the endless cycle of coups, genocide, AIDS, hunger, poverty, and general apathy from the West that embodies the spirit of modern Africa. founder and first president of the modern Ghanaian state was Kwame Nkrumah. He started the Pan-African Movement embraced nonviolence and democracy. He was overthrown by military forces mere minutes after taking power, plunging Ghana into a long series of coups.
Flight Lieutenant Jerry Rawlings came to power in in 1981. His changes resulted in the suspension of the constitution in and the banning of democracy. Later, he authored a new constitution, and Ghana became (at least officially) a democracy. John Agyekum Kufuor, the current president, is currently doing nothing to end the problems of hunger, poverty, disease, genocide, and general hopelessness. He is rather promoting the export of cocaine to USA, and attempting to fix the economic crisis by chopping off four zeros from the currency and declaring the Cedi stronger than the dollar.
Ghana also has a long and arduous history of being plauged with almost every STD known to man. It is a commonly accepted fact and has resulted in the population being plauged by the nickname Ghanarians.
[edit] Economy
Well-endowed with natural resources, Ghana has twice the per capita output of the poorer countries in West Africa, with some families making up to $100 USD a year! Ghana remains heavily dependent on international financial and technical assistance. Ghana could make money on its rich amounts of gold, timber, and cocoa if there were minimum wage laws and less foreign investors taking everything (see Country Rapists, Lebanese).
Most of the people are subsistence farmers, meaning they work their butts off year after year after year, yet don't make any money. Crops they toil over for decades but receive little to no compensation for include cocaine, cocoa, coconuts, shea nuts, coffee, pineapples, cashews, pepper, cassava, yams, plantains, maize, Indian Hemp, peanuts, millet, and sorghum.
Ghana is also rich in potential mineral wealth. Rich deposits of gold, diamonds, manganese ore, and bauxite dot the nation. Natural gas deposits are also a common site in the country, and could help both to quell America's energy problems and to raise the Ghanaian standard of living if Ghana decided to charge foreign investors for taking it. Other minerals found are copper, tin and lead found in the electronics Euro-ghanarians send to their relatives in hope they want to use their old 8-track and punch-card computer.
Ghana's industrial base is relatively advanced compared to many other African countries. Unfortunately for the nation's burgeoning urban bourgeosie, most foreign investors can't stand to even live there that long, much less build anything. However, even if someone did decide to build a factory, they'll need 21,000 Liberian refugees and an enormous hampster wheel to power the generator. This is seen as the major obstacle for Ghanian economic advancement, as the shipping costs for hampster related materials in and out of Ghana are astronomical, ever since the Great Hampster Riot of 1984.
Despite the recent economic growth, the great majority of all business in Ghana is run from small shacks on the sides of streets and from atop the heads of people hawking goods in traffic. No one quite understands how, but if there is any slight pause in traffic, Ghanarians will appear and begin weaving in and out of traffic selling anything people will buy, such as: plantains, bannanas, peanuts, goats, newborn babies, prepaid phone cards, and more recently illegally bred underground hampsters.
U.S. businessmen and investors could harness the potential of Ghana and begin to use it as a base for production and a way to open the potentially rich West African market. The U.S. government has begun appropriating more financial aid to Ghana and supporing NGO organizations sending U.S. citizens to Ghana. However, recent progress was greatly diminished once the NGO employees were informed of the hampster importing restrictions, created in order to prevent hampster cross-cultural contamination(see underlying causes in Great Hampster Riot).
The new economy in Ghana is based on mail-order. The most popular merchandise is virgin girls, often found on websites bundled with a pacakage-offering with two goats, a box of instant Fufu, and a hampster(complete with habitat and one months supply of food). They are expected to get a free education in a well paid trade, and make enough to send some of their income to her sick father.
The average Ghanain owns at least half a bike, which is used by the town's tribal leader to cycle to the Congo for resources. In the off chance that more than sand is able to grow in the fields the whole village has big celebration, but this has not occurred since the famous camel carcus festival of 1989.
[edit] Food
The major staple in Ghana is different kind of roots. Those are mashed into a nice goo, resembling mashed potatoes, but with added starch from wilderbeest hoofs, it resembles wallpaper glue both in taste and smell. Mostly children are involved in the mashing since adult feet are too large to fit in the black bowl they prepare it in. If you are at a party, and you are offered dinner, you will always receive some sort of rice and meat. Every time. For some reason, even though rice is not locally grown, *anything* you order will contain rice. If you go to a restaurant and look at the menu, you will see things like chicken and rice, chicken curry and rice, goat with rice, plantain with rice, or Fufu and light soup(don't be fooled. It comes with a side of rice). Leading scientists believe that all this rice is mainly used to help dull the terrible taste of whatever meat is served with it; chickens neck, pigs feet, goat testicles and Jews are considered fine cuisine in Ghana.
Restaurants keep their Jew recipies a close secret to prevent competition from arising.
[edit] Law & Order
The policeforce is often underpaid and undereducated. You may bribe your way out of any situation with the equivalent of $5 or your most recently born daughter.
Crime is on an all time low because people can usually bribe their way out of things. If you are ever caught with one or more illegally underground bred hamsters, just offer to give one to the police officer. Hey, laws were made to be broken (at least when there is something in it for the officer).
[edit] Geography
Ghana is located on the Gulf of Guinea, only a few degrees north of the Equator. This allows for a year-round tropical climate, which subsequently allows diseases such as malaria, African sleeping sickness, and AIDS to flourish at a level far greater than that of say, Western Europe. It is roughly the size of the state of Oregon, but a little more hospitable to life. The coastline is mostly a low, sandy shore backed by plains and scrub and intersected by several rivers and streams, all of which are teeming with mosquitoes, pirhana-like fishes, jews, hippos, and reporters for National Geographic. A tropical rain forest belt, broken by heavily forested hills and many streams and rivers extending northward from the shore, it is home to man-eating leopards, large elephants, jews and more mosquitoes. North of this belt, the land is covered by low bush, park-like savanna, and grassy plains, inhabited by lions, hyenas, jews, mosquitoes, and the tsetse fly, a pest which makes the mosquito look like a butterfly.
As stated before, the climate is tropical and full of mosquitoes. The eastern coastal belt is warm and comparatively dry (but a good environment for mosquitoes and tsetse flies); the southwest corner, hot and humid (a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes and tsetse flies); and the north, hot and dry (thus ideal for mosquitoes and tsetse flies). Lake Volta, the world's largest artificial lake, extends through large portions of eastern Ghana and is a good mosquito nymph and Guinea worm habitat.
The capital of Ghana is Accra with a population of 1.9 million people, most of which are afflicted with guinea worm, African sleeping sickness, AIDS, malaria, or illusions of adequacy.
[edit] Demographics
- Ethnic groups: black African 79.8%, European 0.2%, Arab investors 20%
- Wealth breakdown: European 20%, Arab investors 79.9%, black African 0.2%
- Religions: Indigenous beliefs 38%, Christian 34%, Muslim 30%
- Languages: English (official), African languages (most of which will be extinct within the century)
- People Good at Soccer: 38.7%
| North Africa | South Africa · Algeria · Egypt · France · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara |
| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Library · Bob Marley · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Tieland · Grab On · Republic of the Congo |
| East Africa | Burundi · To Boogy · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Gowandaland · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand |
| Our Benevolent Rulers | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
