Ghengis Khan
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- For other meanings see Khan (disambiguation)
“KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!”
~ James T. Kirk on Ghengis Khan
Ghengis Khan, once the Grand Poobah of Mongolia and former 1980's child star (most notibly as Short Round (Indiana Jones) and Data (Goonies), his reign was characterized by yak cheese.
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[edit] History
Ghengis Khan was born in Weehawken, New Jersey, to Edward Munghis Khan and Chaka Louise Khan. He went to only the best semi-public schools in New Jersey, and graduated with a B.eng in Uncivil Engineering barbarica cum laude (Latin, "most likely to become a barbarian leader") in 1995.
After his high school graduation, Khan went on a Rotary Club exchange program to Mongolia, where, as he said in his 2001 autobiography, Müün Wü ("My Way"), "I felt more at home than ever before. Here were people who wrote vertically and rode yaks. Damn, those yaks. I thought my predilection for riding yaks was something strange and foreign, something to be scoffed at, but here it was accepted and even welcomed." However, it is recorded in the holy Scrolls of the "Ghengis Khan Diaries", that he was molsted by two men at the back of the Kenny Rodgers Chicken resturant. He thought he had found love but what he really found was that Kenny's secret recipe was an aphrodiasic for men to boy relations. This left him wondering if there was anybody out their for him. In short he grew a pair of balls and became king shit of the fucking mountain.
Khan was welcomed as leader of the Mongolians, although some continued to spell his name "Genghis Khan" -- perhaps because of confusion with that legendary figure.
In his short tenure as Grand Poobah of the Mongolians, he led the nation in production of sweet, sweet yak cheese. He also led the nation to battle against Russia, Japan, Oregon, Maine, Africa, and the Mall of America, conquering three times Earth's land surface for Mongolia. Mongolia retains much of this conquered territory at the time of this writing (June 2005). In recognition of his achievements and liberal approach to human rights, he was named an honourary Irishman.
In early March 1996, Khan was abducted by space aliens, conveyed to NASA headquarters, and launched into space on the HMSS Botany Bay, where he performed many miraculous acts of botany. After this harrowing experience, Khan escaped to Earth and became a leading scientist at the same NASA that had kidnapped him in the first place. Khan was one of the scientists who helped to determine that George W. Bush is the Densest Object in the Known Universe. He was then locked up in a sanitarium for having the world's only known contagious case of Stockholm Syndrome. Even from his sanitarium Khan has - together with the same French guy that invented the Ultra Christ - made various avant-garde music, which religious fanatics still see as a dreadfull invention used too often in modern-day wars, for example IRaq.
Nostradamus predicted that Khan will cease to exist on February 29, 2008, when he meets his antimatter evil twin in a bar in rural Montana while on a roadtrip intended to cure executive burnout.
As of today, his current goal is to conquer the web portal knowen as mySpace. He has found this group of prosti-tots and weak emo kids as an easy target to prey on. Drawing back from his days of being molosted behind the Kenny Rogers resturant, he enrolled his son as one of the most prominent cadets in the Kenny Rogers Chicken Acedemy (KRCA) in located in southern Vietnam. Since then he spends his time concentrating his efforts of domination of youtube, as they say in mongolia wat goes to youtube must be porn.
[edit] Khantroversy
Last spring, On the Maury show,he has been accused of fathering up to 752 children, including the elusive and well oiled British dynamo Zubair Khan, in a segment called "are you my babies daddy?". In the usual fashion, the mother would accuse him of not supporting his child. In such a manner he would respond by saying that the babies testicle size did not match up with their mighty fathers, thus he possibly couldnt have fathered the child. However, when the DNA test results came, he indeed was the father of every single child on that show. He would normally start screaming and say the usuall catch phrase "she should have kept her legs shut" or "She got me drunk". He is the only recurring guest on the Maury show aside from Maury himself.
[edit] Trivia
A little known fact about Ghengis Khan is that he was one of the first users of the drug Botox.
