Giant enemy crab

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Giant Enemy Crab

Kingdom	Underwater
Phylum	Crunchy
Class	Warrior
Order	Inedible
Family	Clawed
Genus	Crab
Species	Giant Enemy
Primary Armament	Claws
Secondary Armament	Spike Armour
HP	1400
Mana Points	650
Strength	MASSIVE DAMAGE
Intelligence	90
Weight	2,500 - 3,000 lb
Special Attack	Pinching Frenzy
Conservation Status	Endangered

“I pinch.”

~ Giant enemy crab on PlayStation 3

“Attack its weakpoint for massive damage.”

~ Bill ritch on Giant Enemy crab

“So you have wounded me! I must grow a new claw, well and good, for I can do it in a day, but will you grow new lives when I have taken yours from you?”

~ Giant enemy crab on Attack of the Crab Monsters

“the gigantic hostile crab, attack is impossible these more for the bulky damage”

~ Babel translation on gigantic hostile crabs

Giant enemy crabs are a rare species of crab found along the Japanese coast. Although they were once fairly commonly distributed along the Japanese archipelago, extensive hunting and planned attacks on their weak points for massive damage have caused the number of giant enemy crabs to severely dwindle, especially during the early 20th century. Giant enemy crabs are the largest species of crab in the world; unfortunately, they are also the most hostile and the worst tasting type of crab as well.

1 Physical characteristics
2 Historical significance
3 Giant enemy crabs in media
4 Future Plans, Rumours regarding Giant Enemy Crabs
5 See also
6 External Links

[edit] Physical characteristics

Giant enemy crabs are typically dull-coloured, with varieties in grey or brown. They usually feature prominent markings along their top shells, usually in the form of greenish or bluish spots. Mature giant enemy crabs can measure almost 12 metres across, with heights of about 5.5 metres, on average. Even proportionately speaking, giant enemy crabs have very large claws, which have enough force to break an adult cow in half. Giant enemy crabs have particularly hard shells, although a weak spot on their underside means that they can theoretically be attacked for MASSIVE DAMAGE once the crab is flipped over. A gland in their abdomen allows them to spew acid, which is capable of melting even the strongest armour.

Unlike giant bears, giant enemy crabs are fairly unintelligent. Average ACT scores among the giant enemy crab population have remained at 9 for the past fifty years, prompting concern among giant enemy crab educators.

Giant enemy crabs can live for up to 599 U.S. (not Chinese) years.

[edit] Historical significance

Due to their proximity to Japan, Giant Enemy Crabs have played a significant role in Japanese history, particularly in influencing battles that took place in ancient Japan. The most famous of those battles, in which Giant Enemy Crabs were involved, is the Battle of Genji, in which a contingent of 3,000 Japanese soldiers was massacred by several dozen Giant Enemy Crabs in 1149. The tide of the battle turned in favour of the Japanese due to the advancement of two military technologies in the same year: the ancient Chinese art of Real-Time Weapon Change, and the tactic of flipping opponents over to attack their weakpoints for MASSIVE DAMAGE. The Giant Enemy Crabs were driven back into the ocean in 1151.

However, the attacks resulted in long-term animosity towards Giant Enemy Crabs. Throughout the following centuries, efforts were made to completely exterminate the Giant Enemy Crab population, which was only recently opposed by conservationalist Oda Nobunaga in 1952. Bitter debates have been held as to the status of the Giant Enemy Crab; while the international community has expressed a strong desire to aid Giant Enemy Crabs, Japan has been reluctant to implement measures that could help the Crabs' endangered status.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Giant enemy crab.

The Spanish version of the Giant Enemy Crabs are the Cangrejos Enemigos Gigantes. This endangered species, while giant and enemy by nature, is not as aggressive as its Japanese counterpart and is eaten in MASSIVE QUANTITIES at Christmas festivities all over Spain.

[edit] Giant enemy crabs in media

Sony is planning on releasing a video game for the PlayStation 3 that chronicles the attack of the giant enemy crabs. There are plans to release a film based on the same event (to be directed by Uwe Boll, will they ever learn).

The sequel to Snakes on a Plane is rumored to be Giant Enemy Crabs on a Plane.

A certain Giant Enemy Crab has been seen on the internet posting on the official european Playstation forums. He appears to hate Portugal, and the playstation3 for turning him upside down and attacking his weak point for massive damage. Forum Profile

H. G. Wells stole giant enemy crabs and put them in his book, The Time Machine. However, he was right about giant enemy crabs ruling the far, far, far, far, far future. However, unlike the giant enemy crabs in ancient Japan, these were only about the size of a dinner table.

[edit] Future Plans, Rumours regarding Giant Enemy Crabs

Giant Enemy Crabs are reportedly in hiding, biding their time until the age-old art of real-time weapon change is forgotten. It is thought that then is when their bid for power will be made.