Giraffe
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Giraffe's are mythical long-necked spotty creatures of the genus wierdus longus neckus thingus. Though giraffes are usually known as agile animals, they can vary considerably in weight.
The primary language of giraffes is binary, but some giraffes have been known to be fluent in English, French, Street, Mime, and of course, the language of love: German.
The most famous giraffe of all time is the Liverpool player Peter Crouch who was the first giraffe to gain legal citizenship to a predominantly white country. Alan Smith is also famous for his invention of the John Prescott machine.
The largest natural cause of deaths in giraffes is lightning. Their large height and electromagnetic antennae makes them vulnerable in lightning storms, but also means they can pick up radio transmission from distances of up to 700 miles away. This pseudo-radio can be tuned in with the giraffe's nipples.
Giraffiology is the study of giraffes and giraffe-shaped objects such as Peter Crouch, and is Hull University's most applied for degree course
The giraffes roam throughout Africa and the Arctic, where they kill hordes of helpless reindeer.
Some scholars, such as Albus Dumbledore and Marie Curie, defend the theory that giraffes do not in fact exist, and are simple mind tricks done by the Blue Man Group (also alien spies, albeit slightly less subtle ones) in order to further confound the minds of all humans.
Giraffes can reach around and clean their own anus, but choose not to. Instead they employ hippotamus to clean it for them.
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[edit] History
Giraffes almost became extinct in 1953 due to the 5 year ice-age that prevailed when Nelson Mandella farted. The population was halved by 1954. Luckily, due to the invention of the turtle neck in 1955, the population levels stabalised at 10,000 and have risen since. Turtles, however, have not fared as well.
The future of giraffes was put to the test when Noah would not let any of them into his ark. They managed to cut a deal with the unicorns, who traded 2 of their 6 places for an ancient giraffe cookie recipe. Of course, after the flood, the giraffes eliminated the unicorn species, in order to keep their recipe safe, which is still a well kept secret to this day. Giraffes are the only animal, apart from humans, that have wiped out an entire species of animal for entertainment purposes (the woolly mammoth in 1823 and the giant squid in 1967).
[edit] Lifestyle
Giraffes are well-known for their conversational skills and their love of tacos. They also enjoy many quiz shows, including Deal Or No Deal and The Weakest Link. Giraffes are also great philosophers, coming up with great theories, such as 0111000001110101011000100110010101110011, and not forgetting 011100110110100001101001011101000000110100001010. Giraffes despise lamas and their philosophy, given that lamas use a base two number system.
Giraffes are mainly pacifists, but have a tendency to commit ritual blood killings of reindeer. During World War II the storm on the beaches of Normandy would not have been possible without the aid of the Giraffe's long necks. The allied powers began to run out of ladders in the first few hours of the invasion and the Giraffes (fresh off of their campaign against Erwin Rommel) stormed onto the beaches and allowed the allies to scale Point Du Hoc.Most people say that giraffes are plant eaters ./ But,,,, they are so wrong. On my recent trip to himalimalasisa, I saw a giraffe eating a 4000000 pound whale along with its own fieces(poop). Giraffes can run at ove 78 mile per hour and can some time grow to an astonishing 89 feet tall. they are known to be very prestige and wanderouse anials. In 1999 a giraffe was cought climbing the Empire state building and the Eiffel tower at the very same time. Oddly enough they have teeth the size of walruses and you know whats the size of Altoids.
[edit] Tallness
You probably don't know this, but giraffes are pretty tall. Yes, I know. Take a moment to gasp if you'd like. I'm sure this information is very surprising for you. When I found this out, I almost crapped my pants. Anyway, the reason God designed them this way is so they could be basketball players. Unfortunately, he forgot to give them opposable thumbs to pick up the ball with. This is why they live in the jungle instead. Nice one, God!
[edit] Giraffes and global warning
Of course as everyone should now giraffes guard the button to stop global warning along with the fish these bastards are ruining the earth. I mean shit there are better ways to waste your time. There are many casualties of people trying to get to the button but the giraffes eat their feet so it really hurts. My life dream is to get to both buttons because I'll save the world, but those fucking giraffes i need some one to contact chuck Norris To give them a roundhouse kick!
[edit] Alien Controversy
Ever since they were deported from Africa to entertain the fat children of America, there has been a controversy of the true homeland of giraffes. "I mean, just look at them. They have a neck like a construction crane, and freaking polkadots." says some important scientist from Brown University. Under such evidence scientists argue that there is no way that giraffes could in fact be from earth.
Giraffes have appeared in stories and photos of alien encounters ever since the controversy began. One particularly disgruntled redneck claimed that he saw two soldiers forcing a giraffe into a goverment hangar. Another states "And just when i had them aliens locked up real good in a monster double nelson, damn giraffe comes and lazer beams me. Or maybe it was one of them tribal ladies with dem necks that ya hear about on the TV box." However the CIA as usual, regarded these accounts as false.
Non-Believers of the alien controversy claim that the witnesses might have been confused with that guy from star wars with the big neck, you know the ones that clone people? However, it is likely that the controversy will continue as long as people can't find something better to do.
[edit] Weaknesses
- Harry potter
- Wonder women
- Boiling water
- Quicksand
- Lions
- Tigers
- Bears
- Oh My
- Your Mom
- Oscar Wilde
- Chuck Norris
- Nuck Chorris
- Yoko Ono
- Yoda
- Really Really Tall Trees
- Bananas
- Spring Shoe Fighters of the Mossad
- Low Attitude Aircrafts
- Darth Hitler
- Mario
[edit] See also
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