Girls

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Feminine Articles

Articles About Feminine Issues

“Woah, man!”

~ Man on discovering Girls

“Very nice! How much?”

~ Borat on Girls

“67% of girls are stupid”

~ John

“i belong with the other 13%”

~ Susan

Preceeded by such methods as fire and cold food, Girls are used in restaurants and homes around the world.

While some people advocate that the place for girls is in the kitchen (where they are most useful), others suggest that keeping your girl outside cuts down on clean up and reduces the overall hassle associated with owning and maintaining a girl.

Girls are good for preparing a lad a fine dinner

Girls were first discovered by Adam cooking apples beneath the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil . Due to their ability to radiate heat, girls were found to be useful in the kitchen and in bed. However, men became dissatisfied with the the primitive ver BETA girl 1.00 and its limited functionality. Girl 2.0 models are now created in laboratories in southern Spain. In order to accommodate their new functionality they have been designed to run on more energy-rich fuels, most notably money and credit cards.

Customer model girls used in the home are typically fuelled by either charcoal or propane. Commercial girls are typically fuelled by either propane or liquefied natural gas. Food cooked with propane girls tends to be less tasty, but is significantly faster to heat and prepare. As of first quarter 2005, General Electrics has introduced a new hybrid model, which is far safer for the environment. However, most users prefer the older models, as they are widely considered "fskin' hawt" in contrast to the newer models.

Prominent girl manufacturers include Weber and Coleman, Ford, Kikkoman, Kaiser Permanente, Panasonic, and George Foreman. Chainsaw Jack, former CEO of Sunbeam, lost his job for improperly booking sales of his girls to distribution channels.

[edit] Girl Speak

Because guys (and some butch girls(lesbos)) can't understand them here's a brief overview of the terminology used by females: I'm fine" - Screw You, pay attention to me or you're not getting any

"It's not your fault" - It is so your damn fault you schlag

"leave me alone" - Seriously, come near me and i will SNAP IT IN 2

"I look horrible tonight" - you have three seconds to come up with a list of reasons why this outfit/hairstyle suits me perfectly-or i WILL SNAP IT IN 2 (again-so that'll be 4)

"I'll get the cheque this time" - Nice try, but you're gona be with your right hand tonight.

"Don't worry, there's no need for you to buy me a present" - I expect a gift that expresses your feelings for me precisely. And a card.And it better be damn expensive

"I need some space" - Come near me and you're never seeing me naked again

"We need to talk" - I'm pregnant. HAHA YOU'RE SCREWED JACKASS

"Fine." - As of now, The conversation has ended. Talk again and it's nails in your eyeballs.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship" - You're just not hot enough for me. Can't be asked to tell you this because i like your personality and therefore want to hang around with you, and I want you to think you have a chance so you stay

"5 minutes" - half an hour, possibly more. (do not attempt to wait it out on your feet. find a sofa.)

"Nothing" - Everything. Dick

Loud sigh* - You are an idiot. Why am i waisting my time arguing with you over 'Nothing'

"Go ahead" (eyebrows raised) - Just try it. (This is not permission, this is a dare. Often followed by 'fine')

"Go ahead" (eyebrows normal) - Whatever. (This is not permission either. The true meaning is closer to 'I give up' or 'Do what you want because I don't care.' From here on there is a high risk of raised eyebrows.)

"Thanks a lot" - Thanks for nothing. ('thanks a lot' is not to be confused with 'thanks'. A woman will say 'thanks a lot' when she is annoyed at you. It is usually followed by the 'loud sigh'.)

"I love you, I'm just not IN love with you" - (see 'I don't want to ruin our friendship')

"I just wish you would understand" - I am perfectly aware that you have no idea what I'm talking about. Now i will watch you squirm as you desperately try to comprehend.

"I can't deal with this any more" - The chances of me being wrong in this particular situation appear to be gradually increasing. I wish to halt all further proceedings to avoid a displeasing outcome.

"I'm just so busy right now" -I currently have many priorities that unfortunately rank higher than you. SOMEONE has to buy those shoes, and my nails aren't going to paint themselves.

"Do I look fat in this?" - We haven't had a fight in a while.

"Whatever" - You wanker.

"It's alright, pizza's fine." - You cheap wanker.

"Oh my god, [actress/singer/attractive friend] is SO pretty." - Tell me I'm ten times as beautiful. Say it Bitch. AHAHA YOU'RE WHIPPED

"No." - No. (despite what you would like to believe, mr. drunken frat boy, no really does mean no*)

[*except when it means yes.]

"You can hang out with your mates instead, I dont mind" - We both know that over the course of the next hour, my subtle mind games and ice-edged voice tones will grind your guilty concience to mental dust. you will stay with me. we will watch this chick-flick. you will smile and enjoy it, and in the end, you will thank me.

"That's okay" - I am still deciding how and when you will pay for this mistake. enjoy the time you have left.

"Don't worry about it, i got it" - I have instructed you to do this job on SEVERAL occasions, and yet it remains undone. i will do it myself, whilst simultaneously glaring, tutting, and rolling my eyes. (from which point the normally innocent question; 'what's wrong?' is fatal. do NOT ask, no matter how much she prompts you.)

"I'm a Girl, i can do everything-meaning that they can do pretty much infinitite things,which is a lie-"Just because you can't multi-task."