Seven Golden Virtues

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(Redirected from Gluttony)

The Seven Golden Virtues are good things for yous, mes, and wes, but sadly, are achieved by fews. It is said that an avatar possessing of these Seven Virtues will appear to bring enlightenment to the land, in the Form of Beer and Hookers.

[edit] And the Virtues are...

Despair Recognition that the world is an inherently shitty place, and it's not going to get better. Livejournal users are very familiar with this virtue.
Spirituality Specifically, achieving a transcendent state through fashion, meditation, staring at the sun, or (especially) drug use.
Gluttony Food nourishes the soul. Get as much as you can. Pound it into you.
Temperance You must join unto this movement to make alcohol illegal. Except for the Eucharist God hates the booze. Not being a teetoler is for tools [of the Devil].
Ignorance Knowledge is a tool of the Devil. Ignorance is Strength. In fact forget everything you've learned so far, turn off your computer and "pluck out thine eye". You'd better pluck them both out, just to be safe.
Promiscuity Don't be selfish, share yourself with others. Get as much as you can. Just give 'er...and remember, God hates condoms (while bells ringing give angels their wings, popping on a Trojan takes them back).
Fascism It's true, this is the way to eternal bliss and happiness. The name says it all. But communism is evil, Stay away from the bad commies.
UNKNOWN This virtue is very unknown, and since ignorance is bliss don't try to uncover it. If it was on the periodic table of the elements it would be Unknownium, not to be confused with Unununium