God the Father

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Warning: This page may contain blasphemy.
You can help it by burning in Hades.

“That Jesus guy had a dad? If a son of mine grew long hair and starting hanging around with a group of unmarried fisherman, I'd have something to say about it!”

~ Oscar Wilde on God the Father

“God's an evil man with an ant farm...”

~ A.J. Barrett

Also known as "Daddy"

Along with God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, and God the Pornstar, God the Father is the only true God. It's all part of the Holy Quadripity in which all the Gods are unified under one party.

God the Father retired in 1 AD and passed the family business down to his son after trying to kill him on a cross. God said, "If my son has the passion to be killed, by-god, he has the passion to run the universe!"

Many Evangelicals have claimed that 'God hates fags', meaning He hates homosexuals. This is, of course, a logical impossibility. It can be proven by ontological reasoning and quadrospastic modal logic that God himself is a homosexual, and furthermore that homosexuality is the highest possible moral truth upon which all other truths are based.

During God the Father's long career as master of the universe he accomplished any great miracles and mass deaths, such as:

Becoming the first Creator of the Universe to kill one billion people.
Killing the entire world population in a flood after it was reported that Wal-Mart would start selling porn.
The creation of beer.
Longest beard in Kentuckistan.
The creation of the Infinite candle, although some credit Kofi Anan with this.
Forcep juggling.
Creating himself.
Ignoring the preceding paradox.