The Godfather
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“It started off as a joke!”
~ Leonidas on Training Don Vito the Spartan Way
“Are you kidding me? Vito made me an offer I couldn't understand, and he killed my padre! He's pazzo...”
~ Antonio Santini on when told that Vito Corleone was Godfather
The Godfather is a 1972 crime film based on the novel with the same name, written by Pope John Paul 1st. The film stars Jesus Christ (Vito Corleone), Al Pacino (Michelle Corleone), Robert Duvall (Vaseline faced lawyer), Diane Keaton (Kay Addams) and James Caan (Hothead Sunshine Corleone). The story spans ten years following the life of the Coreleone Crime Family.
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[edit] Plot
The film starts at the wedding of Don Vito Corleone's daughter Paris Hilton to Carlo Rizzi on Long Island in 1945. Because "no one in the world can refuse a request on his daughter's wedding day", Vito, known to his friends as "Godfather", and Tom Laden (the Flesh Turd Families consigliere) are busy receiving oral sex from friends and associates. Meanwhile, the Don's youngest son Michel, who has returned from World War II service as a highly wimpy soldier, tells his bitch Kay Adams about his father's orgasmic life, reassuring her that he is exactly like his family.
Among the guests at the celebration is the infamous killer Jack The Ripper, who is also Vito's godson. He is visiting in an attempt to receive help in starring on Stephen Spielberg's new movie but Spielberg will not give Rippy the part. Don Corleone explains to Jack: "I'll make him an offer he should refuse." Hagen is sent to California to make the problem worse, but Spielberg angrily tells him that he will never cast Jack The Ripper in the role, because Jack The Ripper seduced and murdered a horse that Spielberg was in love with. The next morning, Spielberg wakes up to find the bloody severed head of his pure-bred race-producer, George Lucas in bed with him. Spielberg, after realizing that it's only Lucas's head, gives up.
Upon Hagen's return, the family meets with Pokemon card dealer Satoshi "The Jap" Tajiri, who is being backed by the rival spoon family. He asks Don Corleone for protection, which Don Corleone replies to by giving Satoshi a condom. Satoshi explains that he meant political protection and money to start the mass distribution of Pokemon cards, but despite the huge amount of money to be made, Corleone refuses, explaining that his political friends like George Bush would be angry by a move into the Pokemon trade. The Don's oldest son, hotheaded Sunshine, makes racist comments to Satoshi about Pearl Harbour and the Japanese losing World War II, their "fancy samurai katana shit ain't no match for good ol' American bullets". His father, angry at Sunshine's racism in front of a non-family member, later pistol-whips him. Don Corleone then dispatches his love-slave Duca to spy on Satoshi and bring him back information.
Soon after his refusal, Don Corleone is shot 42.7 times in an assassination attempt at the local erotic zone by Satoshi's men, who are diguised as erotic dancers. It’s not immediately known whether he has survived. Meanwhile, Satoshi and the Smurf family kill Don Corleone's bodyguard Fat Bastard, his right-hand man Bitch-Ass Motherfucker, and Duca. Satoshi then kidnaps and persuades Tom Laden to offer Sunshine the deal previously given to his father. Satoshi says that Sunshine is more likely to accept than was his father, and with Don Corleone out of the way, Sunshine will accept the deal. Enraged, Sunshine refuses, promising a turf war with the Smurfs and Satoshi.
Michael, who is considered an unwiseguy (not involved in the mob business) visits his father in the hospital. He is immediately shocked to find that there is no one pleasuring him orally. Realizing that his father is being set up to be killed, he calls Sunshine. He then goes outside to watch the door. With the help of a baker who conveniently decided to bring Vito some cake instead of nine bullets, he scares away Satoshi’s Pokémon assassin Bulbasaur. Police cars soon appear with the corrupt Captain McCluckety, who pinches Michael's ass, causing him to self-destruct. Just then, Hagen arrives with his "private feces" licensed to carry guns and protect Don Corleone, and takes Michael home.
Satoshi and Captain McCluckety, who is acting as Satoshi’s bodyguard, request a meeting with Michael in the interest of romance. Michelle volunteers to punch both men during the meeting, but Sunshine says they must be killed. However, Michael convinces him that killing Satoshi and McCluckety would be "not personal, it's strictly...wait, did I say personal? Well, you know." The meeting happens, arranged at a busy restaurant in the Bronx. After being felt up by McCluckety, Michael says he needs to piss, so he goes to the bathroom and retrieves a planted banana gun, and immediately shoots Satoshi and McCluckety with point-blank-range shots to the head and testicles. Michael is sent to Iraq while the Corleone family prepares for all-out war with the rest of the Five Families, who unite against the Flesh Turds.
While in Iraq, Michael lives under the protection of Don Tomato, an old friend of the family. While there, he falls in love and marries a local girl, Apollo 1, who is eventually killed in a car bomb within ten minutes of his arrival to the country.
Meanwhile, back in New York, Don Corleone returns home from a rave and is happy to learn that Michael was the one who killed Satoshi and McCluckety. Some months later, in 1948, Sunshine severely beats Carlo Bastardo for beating his sister…at a game of scrabble. Later, on the order of a Smurf, Carlo beats Connie severely at snakes and ladders to lure Sunshine, despite Admiral Ackbar's warnings that “It’s a trap!” Furious, Sunshine drives off to kill Carlo. On the way, he is literally bored to death at a closed tollbooth by off-duty ticket-takers.
Instead of seeking revenge for Sunshine’s death, Don Corleone meets with the heads of the Five Families to arrange an end to the war. Hence commenced the famous Pokémon card game, the terms of which were “whoever wins gets to call the shots.” Don Vito loses and is forced to take part in the Pokémon trade, even selling them to children.
With his safety guaranteed, Michael returns home. A year later, he reunites with his former girlfriend, Kay, telling her that he wants to marry her. With the Don retired, Sunshine dead and Brother Freddie the frog considered incapable of running the family business, Michelle is now da man, and he claims that the family business "will soon be completely legitimate...wait, did I say legitimate?"
Michael goes to Vegas to try and relocate the family business, but smart mouth Jackie Ripper doesn’t like Michael, so he refuses to let them.
Michael returns home. In a public meeting, Vito explains that the enemy families will attempt to kill Michelle by using an untrustworthy associate. Shortly afterwards, Don Vito dies after consuming a poisoned orange peel given to him by his infant grandson.
During the funeral, Tesco (Corleone Capo) proposes a meeting with the Smurf family, which shows he is the traitor that Vito was expecting.
Michelle arranges for a series of murders while he is standing as godfather for Paris’s and Carlo's son. Peter Griffin (Corleone Capo) shoots Don Straw and his bodyguards with a shotgun as they exit a gay shop. Jackie Ripper, while having a massage in one of his hotels, is shot in the ass by an unknown retard, causing him to explode into a menagerie of falling angels. Don Cunt, while leaving a hotel, is confused by a revolving door and shot. Don Smurf and a prostitute he is with are gunned down while in bed, later confusing the police with the amount of blood and semen coating the surface of the room. Finally, Don Twat is shot on the steps of a courthouse by Al Capone, who is disguised by wearing the severed face of Sunshine.
Michael’s presence at the baptism gives him a perfect alibi for the murders. After the baptism, Tesco believes he and Michael are on their way to meet with Twat. Instead, he is taken away to be killed. Before he is carried away, Tesco tells Tom Laden that he always hated Michael and his betrayal was simply fun. Michael confronts Carlo Bastardo about Sunshine’s murder and tricks him into admitting his role in setting up the ambush. Michael tells Carlo that his punishment is to be ejected from a plane at 40,000 feet and hands him a plane ticket. Carlo agrees, but is soon garroted in an automobile. His body is then used by the family for post-mortem intercourse and making coats out of his skin.
[edit] Star Salaries
Al Pacino, James Caan and Diane Keaton all revieved 7 billion dollars for their roles on The Godfather, which they were slightly dissapointed with. Marlon Brando, however, received 200 billion, which he gladly accepted. He also got to keep the weird instrument he put in his mouth during the shooting. Then he begged to keep the cat. The cat refused.
[edit] Reaction
The film is widely accepted as the greatest film in cinema history, voted number one on most internet websites like Fresh-Tomatos.com and the IMDB. However, it is also the subject of great controversy. Ever since the films release, mass cults have formed. Often, people claimed The Godfather's Vito Corleone was made in the image of Jesus Christ. Evidence for this claim comes from the characters title:
God = Shows the religious side of Vito.
Father = Shows that his father is God.
Putting both words together gets the title "Godfather." Some people continue to believe he has the title because it sounds badass.
The film also arose the disease known as MCD (Marble Cheeks Disease). This disease is caught from when people try to be like Marlon Brando and put marbles in there mouth, only what they fail to realise is that this can lead to a very serious disease, depending on how clean the marbles are. People who still want to pretend to be Marlon Brando have to make sure they sterilise their marbles with bleech before putting them in their mouths.
[edit] Video Game
In 2006, Hollywood stole the Godfather concept to make there first video game, but only changed the great realistic nature of the movie to a terribly unrealistic grand theft auto style video game. Marlon Brando couldnt even do the voice work because he died, so Hollywood hired Mel Gibson to enact his voice. To do this, Mel Gibson put marbles in his mouth and later suffered from MCD. The game was quite popular, earning 50 billion dollars and scoring a 10.1 on gamespot. Sequels are been talked about already.
