Testicles
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“Nevermind them. ”
~ Johnny Rotten on bollocks
Testicles are therapeutic devices designed to alleviate emotional stress and anxiety through the application of kinesthetic exercise. They are also known as stress-relief balls.
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[edit] Description
Attention customers: Testicles. That is all.
Two squeezable, oval-shaped balls are packaged in close proximity to one another inside a sack, known as the scrotum. Testicles come in a variety of colored pouches, including tan, bronze, chocolate, coffee, brown, black, cornsilk, yellow, pink, red, and blue, but only when an admirer fails to relieve the testicles themselves.
[edit] Instructions for use
To alleviate stress and anxiety, the user manipulates the balls through the silky pouch, rolling them together or in opposite directions, kneading them lightly, or jiggling them. Manufacturers suggest that users resist the impulse to bounce the balls, because they are not made of rubber and could be damaged if too much force is applied to them.
[edit] Uses and benefits
Testicles are endorsed by many physicians, health organizations, and fitness centers as an ideal product for the release of stress, and users also express satisfaction with the item.
“They're great! I don't know how I ever got through the day without a pair of testicles to play with!”
“Rubbing my testicles makes me feel good all over my vagina.”
“Whenever I feel stressed out at work, I take a break, not for coffee, but for a testicles workout. Soon after, I feel like a million bucks.”
“I wish I had a pair to squeeze.”
Doctors also say that testicles are effective in the treatment of arthritis, nerve-related diseases, gout, and depression. "Manipulating a pair of testicles generally has a pleasant, even a potentially euphoric effect, which can result in tranquil, relaxed feelings," Dr. Laura Schlessinger declares. "I play with a pair of them every day, after I get home from the office."
Many users also report finding relief from pain as a result of flexing the testicles between their thumbs and fingers. "A five-finger massage is generally the best approach," Dr. Schlessinger advises.
[edit] Cautions and Warnings
While there are a plethora of benefits associated with testicular manipulation, caution should be taken, as over manipulation can result in Testicular Torsion. Europeans may be more familiar with the name TLD (testicle looping disorder)
In 2004 the Scrotal Safety Commission was formed to educate the male populous on the dangers of over manipulation, however due to members of the group participating in “Research”, the commission was unable to fulfill its mandate. Late in 2007 their educational website was mothballed to the archives of the inter-web.
[edit] Games to Play with Testicles
Heres some fun games to play with testicles!
Game 1
Step 1: Get 10+ guys and find a dark area
Step 2: Get naked and put fluorescent paint on testicles
Step 3: Run around this dark area trying to maim other guys testicles while safeguarding your own
Tip: Bring a weapon(see below for best choices) just in case things get a bit rough.
Game 2
Step 1: Get a bucket of cold water
Step 2: Find a small box that you can stand on and a pole
Step 3: Saturate testicles in cold water
Step 4: Stand on box
Step 5: Make testicles contact pole (make sure they stick)
Step 6: Kick box underneath you
Tip: Bring friends who like to abuse you for hours of fun!
[edit] Commonly known as
Testic
