Governmentium

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Governmentium (Gv) is the heaviest element known to man (but not to woman, children, and anyone who lives in a dictatorship). It was discovered by Gordon Brown in June 2007, and contains ten protons, and 656 neutrons, comprising 40 assistant neutrons, 70 deputy neutrons, 145 assistant deputy neutrons, 165 supervisory neutrons, and 225 committee member neutrons, giving it a total atomic mass of 666, and atomic Number 10. The neutrons are all split into several types, the three most common of which are designated Labour, Conservative and Lib-Dem. Occasionally, a neutron may be unaffiliated. This is called an Independent Neutron, but these never get above committee member level. Each type of neutron is affiliated with one of the protons. The proton is responsible for organising the neutrons in its category, and the proton which has the most neutrons in the atom is designated the Prime-Proton. The Prime-Proton is in overall charge of the atom. There are also several million electrons, which give it a strong negative charge. These play a key role in reorganising the atom (see below). The protons and neutrons, along with any electrons which want to become protons or neutrons, are collectively known as politicions.

1 Uses
2 Reactions and Reorganisation
3 Decay
4 Known isotopes

[edit] Uses

The main use of governmentium is to slow down other reactions. The duration of any chemical reaction is multiplied by ten for each microgram of governmentium present. These reactions must take place with a catalyst of money. An absence of this catalyst may cause the governmentium to decay.

[edit] Reactions and Reorganisation

Governmentium is completely unreactive.

It does, however, reorganise itself. Every four to five years, the electrons choose the proton or neutron that they want to represent them in the nucleus. Each electron shell is represented by one politicion, and all the electrons in that shell which are eligible to vote (ie. all the male electrons which have completed more than 18 orbits), can select their favourite. The politicions that compete to represent a typical shell are typically the neutron which previously represented that shell, and three or four electrons. If a proton is competing for a shell, then there can be many other politicions competing against it, because they like the extra attention.

Once the selection process is complete, the politicions are organised into their various ranks by the protons. The Prime-Proton also appoints a cabinet of neutrons to control the various sub-committees. Each proton can also demote and promote the neutrons of its own type, between the different ranks of neutron.

[edit] Decay

When governmentium decays, the politicions may immediately reorganise to prevent total collapse, in a process known as snap-election. If the atom does collapse, the nucleus decomposes completely, giving off anarchic radiation. This usually causes a civil war amongst the electrons, before they appoint new politicions, and rebuild the atom.

Decay is rare, and is caused in three main ways. The most common is for the neutrons to table a motion of no-confidence in the protons. If this passes, the atom will start to decay, and can only be prevented from doing so by the resignation of the Prime-Proton, and immediate and complete reorganisation. The second possible cause of decay is the assassination of the Prime-Proton, however this usually just results in the appointment of a replacement, from the neutrons loyal to it. The third cause of decay is a coup d'etat by the electrons, which almost always leads to complete decay.