Grammar
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“WHY BOTHER WITH SHIFT WHEN YOU CAN JUST USE CAPS LOCK ?????”
~ Grammar on the Internet
“Grammar has no silent letters in it. And don't you zforget zit!”
~ The Terminator on Grammar
“We are afeared that grammar may one day be extinct!”
~ That Organization-With-The-Panda-Logo on Adding Grammar to the endangered thingies list
“I do good at grammar!”
~ Someone good at grammar on Grammar
“I am the king of Rome, and above grammar”
~ Sigismund, Holy Roman Emperor on Grammar
Grammer (1999-2007) (occasionally seen as "grammar") is a mythical* structureded sets of rules defininged the usages on words, plus, also, phraseses without sentences. It was firstly thoughted by some ancient Geek sophiphiles.
- Conspiracy theorists believe it.
Contents |
[edit] History
The original Greek's grammer pantheon consisted of multiple rule, quite referals to different part of Borat. For instance, "noun" were the Greek grammars of object, and "verbs" was the Greek grammars of actions, although there was regional variations in who followed which grammers. As times progressed, and civilisations rise and fell, the property of all these grammers was combined into a single grammers called "speelcheck". Any sentence which were pleasing to spellcheck would then is digests by the masses as truths. However, different peoples from different area useing different spellcheckers, and this will been the causes of many major war (such as crusade and the war of the proses). Grammar the Untouchable, the English hero of grammar, has recently been re-discovered by historians.
Grammar was later reinvented and copyrighted by pill-popping Mussolini-lovechild Kelsey Grammar, who egotistically renamed it after himself. Since grammar was already known as grammar, there was no change in the spelling or pronunciation of the word, but Grammar claimed royalties on any profits incurred from the use of grammar, including any written or verbal literature whatsoever. So every time you hear, read, speak or write a fully-formed sentence, Kelsey Grammar earns seven cents. Grammar does not profit from text messaging or internet forums, where grammar is largely redundant.
The Greek sophiphiles who originally invented grammar back in olden days would probably have been appalled by this grammatical profiteering, and might reasonably have sued Grammar over the intellectual property of grammar, but they had all died a very long time ago by this point.
The world record for grammar is currently held by Hollywood actor Denzel Washington, who used nineteen consecutive conjunctions in a meaningful sentence during a screen test in 2006. Unfortunately, the sentence was not recorded, and Washington has claimed that he "just can't remember it word for word". Kelsey Grammar has refused to acknowledge Washington's achievement, telling anybody who is interested that "grammar is not a competitive activity. it's a money-making enterprise".
Denzel Washington will star in the forthcoming Grammar: The Movie, as 'KG', a character based heavily on Kelsey Grammar. Despite royalties he will receive from the film, Grammar has publicly opposed the production, famously remarking that "black dudes can't do grammar". He later claimed that his comment referred only to the implausibility of a black actor cast to play him (Grammar rather than grammar). Nevertheless, on March 3rd 2008 he publicly apologised to Oprah Winfrey and Gary Coleman as representatives of the black community.
Grammar: The Movie will go on general release in December 2009. Grammar is rumoured to be working on a rival project, Everybody Loves Kelsey.
[edit] The World enjoys these grammar usings (OMG)
Agrammarism is a recent school of grammific thought, which believes that grammer is an myth likes Santa Clause and the state of Virginia. There are two main streams of aggrammarism.
First is dogmatic aggrammatamism, which holds that grammer was a joint invention by the Freemasons, the Nazis and the white men of Amerika. Many of their devotees refer to grammer as brainwashing. A random sampling of posts on the Internet site Slashdot indicates that 90 percent of people follow this view.
The second stream. of aggramaism is scientific aggramaism, which believes in syntax (a hobby of linguists) but condemns grammer as uneducated and ill-informed. A small number of schools in the US are teaching grammer, and a landmark court case is underway by scientific aggramaists to prevent this. This has led "to, heated debate between aggrammists and grammer followers, although many of the follawers believe that grammer and syntax are not necessarily contradictory.
The Trigrammerist believes in three incarnations of grammer. The answer, the pun and the first post. The leader of this school of thought is the pontifex maximus (also known as the Holy C++) Donald Knuth.
Neogrammarism is the belief. that grammer. exists beyond spa`ce and time/ commonly misused by mortals( Neogrammarists conside,,r conventional punctuation" to-be in error! holding to their own...unique system of grammer.
Anagrammarism si het ethoyr hatt drore d'eostn amtret.
Gangsta up in here, is the mainizzle grammatizzyhowazzyfizzizzle of the hood.
[edit] Examples of Grammar
Note: Although the following sentences have been touted as conclusive proof of grammar, scientific aggrammaists believe they may have evolved according to the "thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters" theory.
- The rain in Sprain spays manly in the planes.
- dick and Jane are happy to see the ball bounce high.
- You just aren't a team player, you are impossible to manage, and you failed to pleasure me properly. You're Fired! -- Donald Trump
On a related note, though, nobody in the world are good at grammar. Nobody. In fact, let's call it grammer and add an exclammation point: gramm1er. Everyone who complain's is gremmar nazzi's.
[edit] Improper Grammar
 | WARNING: This section contains a predictable joke drawn out tediously.
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The following sentence has improper Grammar.
Tommy helped his uncle jack off a horse.
In the example above, the sentence is meant to convey that the the subject (Tommy) assisted his uncle (Jack) in dismounting from his horse. However, the sentence is confused with the lack of commas, which are meant to provide stops in the sentence, and therefore create clarity. Proper use of commas here would look as follows.
Tommy helped his uncle, jack, off a horse.
However, our sentence is not perfect yet, as the word "jack" is actually a proper noun, and All Proper Nouns Must Be Capitalized, Regardless Of Where They Lie In A Sentence. This is especially important here, as the word "jack" may be confused for it's slang meaning "to steal your shit" (ebonics). Hence...
Tommy helped his uncle, Jack, off a horse.
But grammar can be a tricky thing, and our sentence is still not complete. The closing of the sentence, "off his horse", also creates issues. This word choice may bring up images of cliché such as "Get off your high horse", and "Get off your high horse, motherfucker." The simplest of word changes, "dismount", is also problematic, as the word "mount" often has sexual implications, which of course we want to avoid, especially since there is an animal in the sentence. Therefore, we must carefully select word choices which have no sexual implications.
Tommy helped his uncle, Jack, masturbate his horse until orgasm.
(The above sentence can be found in the script for the movie Shane.)
[edit] Pirate Grammarrr: There vs Th'ayre
This rule is simple:
If you are not a pirate, you should always use there, no matter what. So there.
If you are a pirate, you should always use th'ayre.
Note: As with any grammer rule, there is one exception. You can safely use Th'ayre if today is Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Example: You: This is their boat. A Pirate: This is th'ayre boat.
Another example: You: There she blows! A Pirate: Th'ayre she blows!
[edit] Ninja Grammar
Ninja Grammar is even simpler.
Example: You: Is this the way to San Marino? Ninja: ... You: Yes, my baby waits for me. Ninja: ... You: Aaaargh! <dies>
[edit] Nazi Grammar
United under the theory of the master race, Nazis have placed themselves as the kings of grammar. It is therefore a part of their ideology to define and re-define all aspects of grammar. Grammar Nazis are a rare breed, posing as innocent school teachers and professors. They are incinerated by sunlight and live with their dictionaries. Their natural weakness is the use of grammar in such a way as is classified as incorrect. In rare cases, this will only strengthen their powers, and they will summon rules upon rules and exceptions upon exceptions to meddle with everything you thought you know about your native language.
[edit] Grammar Rapist
The Grammar Rapist is the sworn enemy of the Grammar Nazi. They typically come in the form of chavs, thirteen-year-old girls, and old people who have long forgetten their schooling. The mission of the Grammar Rapist is to completely undermine the English Language. Unfortunately, the number of Grammar Rapists in the world has increased to such a level that translations of classic literature are now being published for these people. for example:
"2 b or nt 2 b dat iz da kweschun" -- Hamlet by William Shakespeare
"in ma yunga an mor vunrabal yeerz ma faver gayve me sum advice dat i bin turnin ova in ma mynd eva sinnce" -- The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Uv mans furst disabeedience an da fruit/a dat forbiduun treee whoze mortal tayst/brort def inta da world and all r wo/ wiv los a eedn/til 1 gr8er man/resor uz an regayn da blizfal seeet/ sing evenly moose dat on da seecrat top/ a oreb or a sinnia deedst inspier/ dat shepad ooo furst tort da chosan seeed/in da begginnnin ow da evens an da erf/roze outta kayoss or if syon ill/delyt ya mor and syollas brok dat flowd/farst by da oracle of gd i dence/invok ya ayd ta ma adventrus son/thatwiv no midel flyt intendz ta sore/a bove da ayonian mownt while it persoos/thins unatemptted yet in proze or rime/an cheefly thow o spirit dat dust preffer/b4 all tempels da uprite art an poor/instrukt me for thow no'st thow frum da furst waz preesant an wiv mitty wings outspred/duvlik satttttest broodin on da varst abbiss/an mad it pregnant (lol) wat in me is darrk/ illoomin wat is lo rays and suport/dat 2 da ite of dis grate argumant/I mai asurt eternel providance/an justiffy da wayz of gd ta men" -- Paradise Lost by John Milton
[edit] The importance of grammar
Grammer important is. we if no grammar have, have no goodness way of speaking. grammar, thus is is of most of the importanceness. often, grammar is of the using of bad on internet. Goodly, respectable places on web like siteweb uncyclopedia.com always are grammar goodness. yes niceness for grammar on of are uncyclopedia.com YAY! you is thanking now.
[edit] Etymology
The word "Grammar" comes from the name "The Grammarians", which is a shortening of the longer name "The Dominique-Gram-rians" who were the cult following of Dominique Bouhours and Gram Grahams, who were the Mother and Father of modern Graham crackers.
[edit] Grammarland
Plans for a "Grammarland" theme park will go into fruition 3 years from now, where Funny Clown Sissy Ha-Ha Fairytale Land is now. Attractions include "Pronouns of the Caribbean," "Conjunction Castle" and during the holidays, "Meet Santa Independent Clause."
[edit] Bad Grammar
I is cans spell butt I dont got no good grammar. My grammar be great. It is vary great. I does can use properly grammars timeany I want. It be so so easier so. You wills find out enough soon. I knows even that it not is! Ain't my grammer most good?
[edit] Support the proper use of grammar
 | Gramaer |
| Tis usar or gruop suport teh use of propper gramer adn speling on teh UnCyclopedia. |
[edit] See also |
