Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

“GTA MOTHERFUCKER!!!”

~ Some guy on Grand Theft Auto

Grand Theft Auto: Cunt Based Additive is a National Geographic documentary of African-American culture in America written by O.J. Simpson for his community service of dumping bodies in a non-body dumping area, also known as littering dun dun dun DUN! Though some are concerned about the toned-down amount of sex, violence, drugs, and total disregard for human pussy portrayed in the game (when compared to real urban life in America), it is actually very popular among neoconservative Christians because the main character in GTA:SA, known as CJ, is actually Cyborg Jesus. The player's main goal in the game is to dispense justice to the unwashed heathens' SOULS of the state of San Andreas. Cyborg Jesus accomplishes this through the use of numerous heavy weapons, various vehicles,ubeerleet rocket launchers and the pimp slap of death.

[edit] Storyline

The storyline follows Cyborg Raptor Jesus, a person who recently escaped Reconstruction slavery/sharecropping, from his birth in a raw chewed up ghetto pussy, where his first words, "Its Fucking Time Bitch!!," were uttered abd he fucked his mother. when his mother, a slave whore, dropped him, to his resurrection in an overloaded and unsanitary public hospital. As the main story progresses, CJ uses increasingly powerful and deadly weapons, that he got from Harpers Ferry. The weapons included the Flamethrower of Satan and a rocket propelled grenade launcher that fires special holy water canisters that are surprisingly effective against helicopters. Another weapon is the dreadfull brainwashing "Call of the Negro." Where every black person/nigga within a 300 mile Baboon radius call can drag their black asses to fight the supreme aryan race, contoled by the Prince Henery.

The story ends with Jesus being taken home up to his pad in the sky by winged gangsters armed with Christian Jewellery, where waits the main boss battle versus your father and arch enemy "God" (played by Samuel L. Jackson. Yes, God is a Black transvestite. I'm surprised too). But then again you get to play as a black...

During the game when you reach the gates of hell you get betrayed by your homie "Big Smokin Cock" Later you battle him and get your big massive oversized golf club of righteousness out and poke him where it hurts, until he begs for mercy.

The boss battle is relatively easy as long as you dodge the soundwaves of oppressive and poverty sex cries. God occasionally uses his "special" where he attracts dozens of horny samurai sword wielding gay guys. 'Nuff said.

[edit] Characters

OG Loc:A big ball of faiil at life. He can't rap for shit and dropped the soap in prison. seriously.

Big Fry:Fat fool who steals burgers from other homies while they are figthing.

Ballerinna Psychotic woman who likes to make cellphone calls mid-orgasm. Sick.

Uzi Chinese freak who tap dances and eats human flesh while swinging his namesake machinegun.

[edit] Development

GTA:SA was conceived by Pope Bob Benideict XI as a means of demonstrating the work of Jesus H. Christ, something that Mel Gibson totally ripped the fuck off with his unauthorized reproduction in 2004 called The Passion of the Jews. Eventually, the Reverend George W. Bush provided the financial backing needed to make the game a reality, and in 1981 it was released on the Atari 2600 gaming platform with life-like 2 bit colour. An unknown version was released on Nintendo's Virtual Boy console in 1867, and produced red and black graphics. Wow.

Marvic the Awesome Oliver The Gay Braden The Fag Gibbo The Retard Todd The Slut & Meale The Fat-Shit

[edit] Support from Conservative Christians

Upon its release, an uproar from the liberals about the total lack of random violence and offensive lyrics led to a protest against Rockstar Games, but the hippies decided to just smoke some pot instead. Because of its strong moral groundings, GTA:SA has been well received by conservative religious groups, who feel it accurately portrays the teachings of Christ from the bible. Additionally, conservatives are pleased with the emphasis in the game on killing hookers, who we all know are not really people. They hope that the game will reach out to a younger generation of hipsters searching for salvation.

“GTA is such a CRAZY game”
~ Albert Einstein

“I believe that this game is a positive influence on children”
~ Robert Game

[edit] Realistic Portrayal of Urban Life

Prominent African-Americans, Hispanics and drug dealers all rave about the realistic portrayal of life in urban America. After all, we all know from movies and TV that every black dude is packing an assault rifle and says "Yo fuck fuck nigga we gotsta blow up dem fuckin' Ballas nigga bust a cap fuck fuck nigga PEACE!!!". All the Mexicans smuggle drugs into the country to sell on street corners. And let's not forget the random chicks in short skirts and bikinis whoring themselves out to everyone. Everyone we discussed this subject with also agreed that Tenpenny accurately represented every police officer in the United States as a greedy, corrupt, piece of shit. Fo' rizzle.

[edit] Social impact

The Grand Theft Auto series has won numerous awards for its positive influence on the upstanding moral character of the United States. Millions of Americans feel the need to collect as many assault weapons as possible so that they can kill all the brown people and the other unbelievers. However, the true impact of GTA:SA can not be determined until Jesus is resurrected again in the sequel,Grand Theft Auto:Ely, due out on the Super Nintendo in 2013.

People have got boners from seeing CJ and his mistresses make out on the downtown streets of the state. So many people like the game that more Grand Theft Auto games should be made! And many people believe that the next game should feature , at some point, a fat man playing a banjo.

Spoiler Alert!!!!

Overall the moral of all Grand theft auto games is that stereo typing is important, black people are selfish self pleasing monkeys of society, Mexicans are scummy drive low riders and steal jobs from Americans, Asian people are ninjas and white people play the heroes who have to clean it all up.(But It's the other way around really!)

To sum up then. This game can entertain old and disabled people everywhere, because it is a perfect and accurate representation of anti christian wars everywhere.

[edit] See also

• San Andreas Fault

[edit] Bigfoot and other strange Phenomenon

Shortly after the release of the game, several message boards sprouted claims of alleged Bigfoot sightings, these have not been proven fake or real.

Video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5556600444910566902

There have been many clues including "Big Foot" at the back of the San Andreas manual in the Special Thanks section. and many picture and videos

Later on, Rockstar addressed the rumor of Bigfoot in the game in an article in the January 2005 edition of Electronic Gaming Monthly; Rockstar CEO Terry Donovan is quoted as saying, "There is no bigfoot, just like in real life."

Bigfoot in San Andreas: False

Its a Myth which has been proven fake but thats not stopping something else being out there, not bigfoot, not leatherface. Possibly a lost crazed pedestrian which people got confused.

There is somthing out there.