Grand Wizard

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A grand wizard using his burning hands spell.

Grand Wizard is the title used by a wizard that reaches the level of 60. Nathan Bedford Forrest was the first-known mage/wizard to reach this level. However, despite reaching level 60, he had very little real power, due to the fact that he was always losing his spell book.

The Knights of the K'u K'lux K'lan used a different system of titles for their high-ranking mages. The most-common title among this group was, for a long time, Imperial Wizard. However, in the newest incarnation of the K'lan, the Grand Wizard title applies to the organization's main officer at a regional level. Venerable Dragon was also a common, but stupid, variation upon this title signifying the same role.

Grand Wizard is the rank attained by the notorious Elf nationalist politician Legolas prior to leaving a branch of the organization.

A modern Grand Wizard.^[1] Notice the car to his right.

[edit] Modern grand wizards

Many people think that wizards are extinct. These people are stupid.

In the old days, wizards cast powerful spells and blew shit up... Like in that Lord of the Rings movie. That was some fancy stuff. However, you can't just go randomly around blowing shit up anymore, or people will look down on you.^[2] Wizards have had to become day-laborers just to make it in the world.

In modern days, wizards do boring, day-to-day jobs just like anyone else, while at night they go out and drink. A lot.

[edit] Important things that wizards do

A typical wizard's duel, with referee in the background

• They deliver your mail.
• They help you try on shoes.^[3]
• They cook your food.
• They deliver pizzas to your house.
• They video record space missions
• Join and support the Church of Scientology.

[edit] Unimportant things that wizards do

• Learn to spell.
• Teach high school.
• Join the army. Seriously, nobody needs a fucking wizard in the army. Ever see a wizard in camo?
• Run for elected office.
• Join and support The Church of Scientology.

Tom Cruise, Church of Scientology member and wizard, casting a lightning spell on Oprah Winfrey.

[edit] Non-Unimportant things that wizards do

• Babysit your kids while you're getting plowed by your boss, just trying to get that promotion.

[edit] Non-Non-Unimportant things that wizards do

• Vote
• Serve on juries.

[edit] Notes

1. ↑ A Drow
2. ↑ You can, however, blow shit up in a discriminate, discerning way.
3. ↑ But they don't enjoy it.