Great Britain
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| This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this. |
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| Motto: "MIND THE GAP" | |||||
| Anthem: Who Ate All The Pies? | |||||
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| Capital | London-upon-Seabed | ||||
| Largest city | Now? Probably Cornwall | ||||
| Official languages | English, Engrish, Indian, Pakistani, Polish, Gargling | ||||
| Government | BBC | ||||
| -President of Republic of Britain | That new bloke: Gordon Brown | ||||
| -Premier of Republic of Britain | Voldemort | ||||
| -Secretary of the National Party of Great Britain | Hillary Clinton | ||||
| Next King | Mugwuffin II | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Rudyard Kipling, Cecil Rhodes, Oliver Cromwell, Churchill | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | Flooding | ||||
| Currency | Irishman | ||||
| Religion | Roman Catholic and Sunni Islam (Protestants form an angry minority) | ||||
| Ethnic groups | Indian (49,5%) Polish (32,5%) Irish (10,0%) Serb (7,5%) White British (0,4%) Black British (0,1%) | ||||
| Major exports | British Troops | ||||
| Major imports | Dead British Troops | ||||
| National animal | The Polish | ||||
| Favourite pastime | Hugging Hoodies | ||||
| Opening hours | Open 24 Hours a Day! | ||||
Great Britain is like mediocre Britain – only it’s terrible and kills bitches. It was created in 1984 as all the other nations of the world declared that Britain was quite simply the greatest joke that has ever existed in the entire history of time and space. Despite this fact you can watch BBC "comedies" for 3 years without laughing once. However, some people who disagreed with this were attacked by horny men in top hats. After a short ceremony conducted by Prince Charles, at the time widely believed to be the world's most intelligent mouse, Britain was granted the prefix 'Great', as well as the little known suffix 'Stinks'.
As seen in the photo to your right, "Great" Britain is shaped to look like a tall yet plump bearded man, wearing a hat and sitting down in shorts too big for him and possibly throwing a large baby into the air. Other say it looks suspiciously like a giant tramp casually masturbating This is meant to prevent aerial strikes against the country by causing the general in the war room of the attacking country to laugh hysterically while looking at the satellite map and hence be incapable of overseeing the attack. Sweden and Finland adopt a similar, although much more effective technique - as is evident on the 2 Euro coin, shown to the right. Their version can actually cause foreign generals (and anybody else who notices the shape) to laugh so hard that they throw up their own pelvis bones.
"Great" Britain's position as the world's greatest has been repeatedly confirmed by the astounding sporting success both in individual and one-person events. The country now has athletes with gold medals in every Olympics event from curling to extreme dish washing. The national football team is also undefeated since 2006, when a freak coincidence resulted in a mass simultaneous heart attack that killed every single player on the team. The attacks were later blamed on Winston Churchill.
The status of this truly nation is such that even mentioning its glorious name can bring AIDS to the eyes of any true, patriotic Briton and cause severe Bad Dental Problems and internal haemorrhage in many overseas countries. subject.
Not to be confused with Mediocre Britain or Sweden.
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[edit] Flag
The Union Jack—commonly mis-called a Union Flag when on an aeroplane or a space ship.
The Union Jack was invented by Mr. Jack Union around the same time trees were invented. Setting up a multi-national box-making and flag corporation, Mr. Union made his millions before wasting them on producing the unsuccessful sitcoms and TV shows, such as "Santa's Reserve Fire Force vs The Mayonnaise Man".
If you ever desecrate the flag – burn it as they say in Britain – you must plant enough trees to offset the carbon emission resulting from burning the flag. If you don’t then environmentalists, more commonly known as wankers, will beat you in the same fashion that rednecks would if you burned their flag (the confederate flag).
[edit] Culture
The main part of the British culture is to be alcoholic and a racist, London's weekly Parade being one of the main events in most Londoners' diaries. The event includes walking around London in pink spotted plastic clothes and get legless in one of the millions of bars around the area.
"Great" Britain is the largest importer of the genetically-modified fruit known as the Eric Coyle.
Noted British pastimes include annoying the French, claiming that they gave America back, Killing and/or starving Ireland, beating the Germans up, claiming the invention of India, and football hooliganism.
British woman are known to be the worst dressed in the world, but according to science this has an evolutionary significance, namely to distract the drunk male from discovering how bad her teeth are.
[edit] Religion
People in England who practice religion are called Muslims or car bombers. People who don't practice religion are called normal. The 2005 Eurobarometer report showed that 62%[1] are smelly immoral monsters (atheists).
[edit] Geography
According to many British geography books, "Great" Britain is up to four times larger than depicted in other books. Such books populate many of Britain's schools, incorrectly educating the youth whilst reinforcing the airy notion of being "Great". The popular French schoolbook, Encore Tricolor referred to this as 'stupide', followed by a 'har hee haarrrr', proving their distaste to the idea.
"Great" Britain is divided into 51 separate counties, such as Yorkshire, Borth and Hawaii. This system is similar to the states of the United States of America, but quanitifiably 30% better. Counties are delineated by the use of fifteen hundred miles of small wooden fence.
[edit] Demographics
Britain is a barren wasteland populated by all sorts of creatures from bears to beowulfs and most notably the following: 29% Celts, 16% Hippopotami, 12% Tony, 14% Colonialists, 10% Perils, 7% Mages 6% Fergie's Arse, 2% Elves, 1,5% Hobbits, 1% Bulldogs, 1% Gentlemen, 0,5% Immortal Highlanders
[edit] Military
The Army, Nazi Air Force are collectively known as biggest joke in the country. The commander-in-chief is the monarch, Adolf Hitler (Arnold Swartemigger) and they are managed by the students at The national old peoples home.
The United Kingdom fields one of the most technologically advanced and best trained armed forces in the world. According to various sources, including the teachers at MIS, the UK has the second highest military expenditure in the world ($35.45) despite only having the 193rd largest military in terms of manpower, womanpower and childpower due to the fact that the MOD spends all their money on things that we dont need (eg. eurofighter), things that dont work (eg. SA80, BOWMAN) or both. Total defence spending currently accounts for 99.9% of total national GDP ($35.49), compared to 0.0000009% at the end of the Cold War and even less at the end of the Hot War. It is also the second largest spender on military science, engineering and technology including slinky grenades and booby trapped jack-in-the-boxes (designed by infant school students) The Royal Navy is considered to be the only other black-water navy along with those of Blackpool and the United States. The British Armed Forces are equipped with many advanced weapons systems, including the Physicaly Challenged 2 tank and the Eurofarter Typhoon jet fighter which is now so oudated that there are modern paper airplanes that could outfight it.
The British Armed forces sometimes work with the United States Armed Forces, but generally are required to fight alone like during the first three years of WWII when Europe was slowly being razed (and then lowered) to the ground. The US also refused to help when the UK invaded the Falkland Islands.
[edit] Economy
All US banknotes were “Godless” up until 1957 since they did not contain the word “God” in them. That is not the case any more – US banknotes are no longer “godless”. The Brits took the concept of a “Godless” banknote one step further by printing Charles Darwin’s face on the rear of it. (The most appropriate place to print an image of Charles Darwin)
This was part of a devious plan by the Liberal Democrat Party to undo all the hard work Tony Blair had done starting religious “city academies” (more like Jesuit brainwashing centres) to turn the next generation of Brits into even jollier good chaps than they are right now by shoving religious dogma down the innocent and impressionable throats of the little jolly chaps called children. The Liberal Democrats plan was to put the face of Charles Darwin near the heart of every youngster (when it was in their inside coat pocket) to turn them into evil, godless, communist monsters.
According to UNICEF, the UK is the best place in the world to be a child. (The United States is the second best)[2] This is thanks to Tony Blair's sweeping economic reforms, usually known as the "Great Leap Forwards".
[edit] False Rumours
- "Great" Britain great. I mean, just LOOK AT THE SIZE OF IT!
- "Great" Britain is too rich for its own good
- "Great" Britain is NOT run by Tony Blair. Gordan Brown just took over, christ.
- "Great" Britain was NOT once called Brute Cretin.
- "Great" Britain is NOT protected by any "divine" interventions. That thing with the Spanish Armada was a coincidence.
- "Great" Britain is NOT to be confused with Brittany, which is un France.
- This article is NOT overly British. It is, infact, distinctly Uzbekistani with a hint of Congolese.
- "Great" Britain is being invaded by the Poles! Help!
- Great Britain may be small, but if one more American asks if I know their buddy Mike, I think I'll go postal
- British people do NOT sound like Australians
[edit] References
[edit] See Also
- Britain
- Wales
- Scotland
- UK
- The Former Great Britian
- British Line of Succession
- UK centre for prostitution, heroin marketing opportunities and prostitution studies
- Prostitution in England
- Parliamentary Reform in Britain
Barmy British Stuff | Commonwealth of Independent Nations |
| In order of importance Britain ~ Oz ~ Canada ~ Canadia ~ Sarrff Affrikka ~ East Indies / West Indies ~ Kittenolivia ~ Cyprus ~ Bangladesh ~ Kenya ~ Dodoland ~ Seychelles ~ Paradise ~ Terrorist Country ~ Singapore ~ Hell ~ Barbados ~ Can or not? ~ Duchy of Björk ~ Semen ~ Sierra Leone ~ Foriegn Barsturds ~ More Foreign Barsturds ~ Even More Foreign Bastards ~ America (we wish) ~ United Kingdom of America ~ United Kingdom ~ United States of America ~ Great Britain ~ Britain ~ Naziland ~ Tease ~ Tonga ~ Those F***ers ~ Morley ~ Cat-Lovers ~ China ~ The Lost Continent ~ Mugabeland ~ Another Mugabeland ~ Kentuckistan |
| Countries the US of A is Ruled by |
| In order of importance Britain ~ Us ~ Canadia ~ Canada ~ South Africa ~ Brits / Posh People ~ United Kingdom ~ Mexico ~ USSR ~ Nuclear Testing Grounds ~ Sri Lanka ~ Seychelles ~ North Korea / South Korea ~ President's Home ~ Hell ~ Communists ~ Down Under ~ Feisty Brits ~ Weird Name ~ Foriegn Barsturds ~ More Foreign Barstuds ~ Even More Foreign Bastards ~ America (Well Duh) ~ United Kingdom of America ~ Sheep Fuckers ~ United States of America ~ The Island ~ Hitler's Friends ~ Naziland ~ Oscar Wilde ~ Jamaica ~ Tonga ~ Those F***ing Terrorists ~ Cat-Lovers ~ China ~ The Lost Continent ~ Birthplace of the Jesii |
