Great Flying Handkerchief of Brett
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| God | GFHB | |
| Holy City | Snotaville | |
| Sabbath | Grawerday | |
| Holy Scripture | The Backac Gita | |
| Devil | The Snotty Demon of Greg | |
The Great Flying Handkerchief of Brett (hereafter referred to as GFHB - you try typing the fucking thing that much) is the deity of a universal religion sweeping through the galaxy. This description is slightly contested as there are in fact only 2 registered members. I hear they keep in touch.
Contents |
[edit] History
The religion started when an unhappy Betty Boop was kicked out of British Parliament for proposing the Prime Minister not have so much toast each morning. Angry, she went home. In the said banana, she had an epiphany. She later recalled that the Great Flying Handkerchief of Brett appeared to her and commanded her to "Create a religion worthy of my greatness, oh and by the way I'm kind of hungry while your up can you get me a sandwich, preferably beef or maybe turkey, it has been a while since I had turkey." She then teamed up with the marketing team from a peanut-butter factory and the great religion of GFHB began.
[edit] Practices
The religion of GFHB consists of three main rituals. These include:
- The Blow - This is when all disciples gather in a circle and simultaneously blow their noses. This is to clear the mind of evil thoughts, mucus, and hogies.
- The Fly - This is when all disciples climb onto an object exactly 3 2/17 ft high, and then fall off into the waiting arms of other disciples. This has no spiritual advantages, but looks funny. Fucking retards.
- The Brett - this is the longest of all rituals, and has only been performed once. It took 94 years, and nobody has the knowledge to perform it again.
[edit] Membership
Only one thing is necessary to gain membership to the great religion of GFHB, and that is the drinking of a cup of water and nutella, mixed together. It's a lot harder than it sounds, trust me.
[edit] The GFHB Scriptures
The GFHB scriptures have many famous quotes in it, owing to it being the very foundation of our society today. Some famous quotes include:
- "In the beginning there was only darkness. Then light. Then Dark. Then Hydrochloric Phosphorous. Then Dark again. Then what is only known as the Age of Kentuckistan. Then the universe was born. And the Great Flying Handkerchief of Brett said "Let there be nachos." And there was."
- "Science is the tool of the Snotty Demon of Greg, and should be burned and stamped upon. Einstein was really a Mole Being that crawled from the sewers of Chicago. And that is truth enough for the great Handkerchief Being."
[edit] Join or you will die.
After being exposed to the great truth of GFHB, you must join, or you will die in seven days. Many people have refuted this claim, but I have it on good account that ALL of them at least got a small rash within seven days. And that, is a victory for GFHB. Case Closed.
