Hand grenade

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hand grenade.

This article is part of the List of weapons that don't exist, but should.

A common hand grenade.

“I once saw someone give himself pleasure with this device. Pretty messy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Hand Grenade.

The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest face or face-like object, slapping it and immediately exploding violently in a gruesome mess.

Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or Bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. This will prevent the grenade from jumping at you, and will ensure no harm is done to you.

[edit] Things to Avoid

Avoid the following in the presence of a live hand grenade:

Shaking hands
Waving in a "Hello" motion
Giving a "High 5"
Balling your fist in a threatning way
Punching "anyone or anything"
Making any hand signs including the "Peace Sign", the "Shocker", or "Flipping the Bird"
Urinating or similar activities
Shaking a leg
Waving any type of flag, especially white (unless you are French)
Pole vaulting
Masturbation
Scratch your balls
Breathing or any other activity in general
Playing piano
Playing any other instrument
Existing in this universe or George Bush's

A contest is currently underway to see who can shove an M822 the furthest up their ass, fart, light the fart with a big lighter, and NOT blow their balls off. DO NOT try to masturbate with a "hand grenade" especially when the pin is pulled out; because it might (99.999999999999999999 percent chance) blow your Dick off.

[edit] History

An early model of the Hand grenade was see in the movie Death Race 2000. It was used to slap an old lady, who then cried about it. There were no explosions.