Grout
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Grout is something which, no matter what your generation, your parents will know a lot about. It is made from the teeth they collected from under your pillow when you were a child, ground up and cemented together again with the sputum you expelled as a baby, sprinkled with holy water and anointed in a mysterious nocturnal ceremony in the garage when you were eight. You will only understand this ceremony when you, too, have an eight-year-old child. A general trend towards wanting a quiet life may explain why few people give birth to eight-year-olds nowadays and also why no-one cares about grout any more.
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[edit] Uses
Grout is used as a denture adhesive and can stop an escaping octogenarian in two paces. This explains why no-one ever escapes from nursing homes. Somehow, grout also has a habit of being drawn to the spaces between bathroom tiles. No-one knows how this happens, as no-one has been spotted applying it in such a manner since 1923, and this remains the subject of great debate in the scientific community. Some believe that a quantum relationship exists here, as grout was clearly once applied in such a manner, though less radical scientists agree with the plainly obvious notion that it is in fact a living organism, created through the presumably Satanic abovementioned garagian ritual, and that the space between bathroom tiles is simply its natural habitat.
[edit] Diet
Since grout grows in bathrooms, it is widely accepted that it thrives on a diet of moisture and nudity. This is currently a matter of mass debate.
[edit] Care
It is believed by post-ceremonial grouting zealots that grout needs careful attention. If the grout which claimed your property long before you seems rather dark, you may enlist your parents to "regrout". It should be noted, though, that this "regrouting" has a half-life of approximately now till lunchtime and that by next Tuesday your grout will have regained its natural plumage.
[edit] Classification
Grout is great for determining the nature of, or occupants housed within, a building. The following colour sheet is provided for this purpose.
[edit] Trivia
- Grout has appeared in many popular TV shows. It is less popular in radio and literature, with the notable and obvious exception of Grout Expectations, but it is widely believed that it will soon make a comeback in the world of popular song.
