Grue hunting
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“Crickey! That was close! I think I'd be better off sticking with stingrays.”
~ Steve Irwin on his last day of Grue hunting
“remember you have nothing to fear but fear itself...oh and grue”
~ one of the first grue hunters on why not to ever bother a grue
“Blessed are the Grue hunters, for yours is the kingdom of l33t and kewl and winner... and God.”
~ Jesus on Grue hunters
Grue hunting is the long lost and legendary art of hunting Grues. It has been long known that Grues are devilishly impossible to kill, which means most people stupid enough to go wander in the dark to find one will get eaten. That's why most people nowadays tell you, "don't even bother thinking about hunting Grues, duuude!" However, there existed a handful of tough, brave men who strived to do the impossible - hunt a Grue.
They were known as the Grue hunters.
Not surprisingly, they are all dead now. Except Chuck Norris.
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[edit] The Grue hunters
[edit] The others
Though there have been many Grue hunters throughout history, only a few are known to this day - remembered for their bravery, valor, strength and damn good luck. They are Samuel L. Jackson (his last words were thought to be "I have had it with these motherfucking Grues on this motherfucking plane!"), Frodo (amazingly, he managed to capture the Grue alive and get him to call him "master" during his BDSM antics), Chopin (he liked chopin' Grues, I guess), CATS ("How are you Grues !! All your base are belong to us."),Darksteel_ninja ; who employed the revolutionary idea of beating it to death with his forehead, Jesus ("Blessed are the Grue hunters... Blessed are the meek- ah, shit.") and Xiao Xiao (nuff said).
However, even the sum of all these hunters could not match the number one hunter of them all. You know who I'm talking about...
[edit] Steve Irwin
Damn straight. Stever Irwin: Grue hunter. Before he wrestled crocs, he wrestled Grues. Not just one, not just one at a time. He could take a whole mob of 'em with nothing but his bare hands and in the dark. He could make a Grue cry just by staring him in the ass. He made Vegemite by squashing Grues between his fists. He would eat the Vegemite. This guy was one tough motherfucker.
Then he got kicked in the nuts, one day, and decided the leave the Grue hunting arena forever. So then he got into crocodile hunting - in a friendly way - for it was for the crocodiles that Mr. Irwin killed Grues (since kittens are crocs' main prey, the extermination by Grues was unacceptable). Then he got into show business and messed with other animals he knew nothing about...
So, yeah. He's dead, too, now. It is rumored that the stingray, called Mr. Stingray, was actually a hired assassin by the Grues for revenge on Stevey for all their dead friends sent to Grue heaven by his hands. The Grues, however, continue to decline to comment, much preferring to eat the reporters. It seems, however, that he has been repeatedly ressurected by stingrays, then sharks, then George W. Bush. However, Osama killed him and everyone and evrything that could resurect people. Maybe Osama is a grue...
[edit] Techniques Employed
Verily, lost is the true art of Grue hunting, the shell of its former life reduced to nothing more than words on a webpage. Yet thus is this that very webpage attempting to describe what cannot be brought back to life, perpetual echoes of the beasts' loudest cries.
[edit] CATS
Notorious for his extreme, evil cruelty to Grues, his most feared tool of extermination was the mush room - the room where things go in and mush comes out. In fact, only used on occasion, as what CATS normally did more often than not was seize control of Grues' bases, enslave them and force them to make their own time, practically giving them no chance to survive.
His trademark laugh, even now, strikes fear into the Grues of today.
Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
Truly an amazing demonstration of what Grue hunting can mean.
[edit] Steve Irwin
Sometimes, and especially in the case of the former Grue hunter, less is more. In Irwin's case, all the man had with him was his own bare hands and reverse deadpan sarcasm. Armed with this alone, Stevey could take down mobs of Grues at a time.
Those who had the honor to witness him with his Grue hunting comment that his mannerism is nothing short of the same as always. That is, the Grue hunter would continually commentate to his audience as he jumps around and around the Grue(s) with reverse-sarcasm; such would run along the lines of "Oh! have a go at that! And have a look at the size of his jaws! One snap and he'd cut me in two!" and in complete deadpan.
This reverse deadpan sarcasm, never able to be replicated by any living man now, was so effective as it utterly confused the Grues. The Grues' weak-spot, as it is was, was known to be sarcasm, but Stevey took that several steps further. Reverse sarcasm was the first thing one would notice - everything said sarcastically was actually true, and never in conflict with the statement. This would confuse any man on the street. But reverse sarcasm deadpan so that you couldn't tell if it was sarcastic in the first place? This combination was unbeatable; if the Grue did not drop down and cry in confusion, it would have simply asploded.
[edit] Xiao Xiao
The agile and climactic bullet-time Kung Fu of the legendary yet mysterious stick man, Xiao Xiao, was no match for the Grue's lumbering, crude ways. Losing all his fellow friends, and indeed species, one day battling a Grue that came from nowhere (using swords, which were not effective against Grues, but they didn't know that), Xiao Xiao sought vengeance and went into the mountains to develop the rest of his kung fu skills to take out the Grues.
No one knows, though, really what his past was like, where he came from, and all that. He comes and he goes, and he never says a word. A few amateur videos of his ventures can be found on the internet should you Google him up.
 The author of this article was feeling lazy or uncreative. Therefore this article is a stub. So fix it.
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