Guam

Guam is a gigantic island located in the South Pacific, hidden somewhere in the Mariana Islands (not to be confused with the Marinara Islands whose inhabitants are much more savory and delicious). The Marianas were named after Queen Mariana of Spain and Guam itself was named after her 3' tall toothless servant Bonafacio Isidro Pinche Del Guamo. After Queen Mariana left the island chain to return to her own people, Del Guamo stayed, with the express intention of forming his own colony, where he could practise voodoo.

Guam was acquired by Spain in the 1500's and for 400 years the island was mistaken for the Philippines by various aliens on shore leave. Recently, the indigenous population has been involved in the continuing battle to have themselves recognized by the United States, although for some reason the mainland STILL thinks of them as Filipinos.

Guam is recognized internationally as a breeding farm for Iron Man competitions.

[edit] The History of Guam

It was sometime in 1823 that Oprah landed on Guam, bound for the East Indies with a boat full of slaves, pirate gold and small children named Simon. There, she subjugated the island to her will, changing the native custom of slaughtering black chickens to the black art of resurrecting the dead. It has been rumoured that this was so she could travel back in time, but this has never been proven.

Soon enough there were enough zombies in Guam to require a changing of the Constitution. Where it once said "all men are created equal in the eyes of God", it now reads "all creatures are formed and re-formed, gooey and screaming, equal in the eyes of their creator, the mad witch".

Due to the unsanitary and often downright dangerous working conditions on Guam, the 21st century has seen increasing numbers of zombies travelling to the United States of America searching for a better life. Unlike their earlier predecessors, who faced ridicule, bullying, and gunshot wounds to the cranium, the "No More Room In Hell Act" has allowed them to stand up and fall apart, pround to be who they are.

[edit] The Native People of Guam

The native people of Guam are known as Guamindians who speak their native language Guamindianese. Originating from Southeast Asia, the Guamindians have a rich culture including 712 ways of cooking Spam and 34 ways of pronouncing the native word "Dude." It was also the Guamindians that invented the "High Cholestorol Diet" which was a popular weight loss trend in the late 90's. Unfortunately a side effect of the weight loss was the loss of ability to be alive.

In the countryside of Guam, there are men who's full time job is to have sex with women. You can just stop reading this now and move to Guam...that is, unless you're a homosexual.

[edit] Etymology of the Word

Guam is actually named for a large breed of ferocious animals that lived on the island until they were hunted to extinction by Chuck Norris. Many tribal shamen told story of the dreaded Guam, describing how they would steal away and devour their children in the night, "sort of like Michael Jackson." Guam is also known to have the ugliest monkeys, like baboon pigeon-mia manalastas. It is known for its polluted beaches along the coast of africa and north of Europe. People go to Guam to originally eat pigs and other wild animals like baboon pigeons. The most important fact about Guam is that most people there never shower and they are all related to each other. That is why all of their children are deformed. Syke but they give really good back rubs.