Guide For The Student In Space
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Welcome to your guide to your High School in space. In the next few paragraphs you will learn how to survive and navigate the harsh conditions of a school in space. These school are opening up and gathering prestige by the minute. So be ready to be shipped off to one of these stellar schools, and heres how you'll do it.
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[edit] Your Space Desk
Every student is assigned a seat in normal schools, but in Space School you are assigned the Inter-classroom Transport Ship Class A.
[edit] Learning Benefits
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[edit] Pressure Locks
The pressure lock is a vital docking mechanism found on the top of your Ships control panel. With this you will dock and disengage from docks. When docking remember to release your pressure lock. Once docked engage your pressure lock. IMPORTANT!!1 When disengaging, be sure to release your pressure lock. If you don't you are required to get up out of your seat and proceed to make obnoxious exploding noises (no matter what is going on in class). Be sure to make loud "hissing" noises when engaging or releasing your locks.
[edit] Laser System
Your laser system is your best defense against near by bastards and annoying dumbasses. When confronted by one of the stated enemies proceed to input the coordinates of your enemy. This is done by tapping on your desk a bunch of times and making "beeping" noises. Once this is done you must charge your laser. This takes 5 minutes and has five bars to indicate how much progress the charge has gone through. Every minute you must yell out the number of bars that the laser is up too. Once done charging you will pick up the nearest writing utensil and proceed to hurl it at the enemy.
[edit] Photon Torpedoes
If you are confronted by an enemy who is closing fast and you don't have time to ready your laser, arm your photon torpedoes by cocking your legs back and then pushing them out at the enemies desk. Be sure to attack his weak points FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE and a 1000 point critical hit bonus.
[edit] Inter-INter-Classroom Transport Ship Class A Messaging System
When in need of passing a message from one ship to another you must use the IICTSCAMS. This is done by opening the imaginary tube at the side of your ship and putting the paper in it. You must then bellow vacuum cleaner noises and throw the paper to the next desk.
[edit] "Finger-To-Ear"
When in need of a long distance conversation you must place your finger towards your ear and shout out the persons code name (VITAL) to get their attention. Once done you can communicate, this is also to be done no matter where you are unless you can use the IICTSCAMS.
[edit] Security System
Your Ship is equipped with a high tech, fancy-schmancy security system to prevent other people from accessing it. This is to be done to activate anything on the ship. First you are to scan your hand, then your retina, then your voice, then type in your 28 digit security code, then you are to turn two keys simultaneously to reveal two red buttons that will be pushed to grant access to your coordinate screen where you will have to answer a random Star Wars Trivial Pursuit Question, afterwards you are to re-type your 28 digit security code backwards well saying the pledge of allegiance into the microphone and drawing a portrait of R2-D2 on the touch screen. Now you have access to all of your equipment.
[edit] Blast Shields
To protect your ship from unwanted bitching by teachers you can engage your blast shields. You can either have the multiple metal sidings one, in which you must make a "chunk" noise repeatedly while moving your arms down in a sporadic manner. Then you can have the simple rising glass shields, you must raise your arms and make a hissing noise. Then you can have the interlocking diagonal shields. But those suck.
[edit] Flipping Switches Like Tom Hanks
Ever wonder how all those astronauts can remember how to flip all those switches. Well who cares, for now were gonna do it Tom Hanks style. Just raise your arm above your head after entering your ship and move your arm back and forth making loud "clicking" noises.
[edit] Entering And Exiting Classrooms (De/Re-Pressurizing)
Outside your classroom is cold dark space. Out there your gonna need a space suit to breath, so before entering the hallway, stall in front of the door and put on your boots, gloves, body suit, helmet and oxygen. Be sure to make a "click" noise after everyone. Then attach your oxygen strap and you can exit. When entering just remove all of your gear. If you forget to depressurize before entering the hallway you must gag over and over and pretend you're exploding in a very elaborate and over-exaggerated way.
