Guildford
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“There is nothing so powerful as Guildford; And often nothing so strange.”
~ Daniel Webster on Guildford
“Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving
nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual
appetite, when the truth is I'd rather just go to Guildford”
~ Madonna on Guildford
“I love Lennox Lewis and I love Guildford”
~ Mike Tyson on Guildford
Guildford is a very very large village on a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse home of Ford Prefect see Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Guildford was ranked number 13 in 'The Greatest Village Not On Earth' poll from The Guardian newspaper.The name Guildford is thought to of been derived from 'Golden Ford Escort' where the first ever, and only Golden Ford Escort was made. The Golden Ford was driven up and down the high street in the early eighteen hundreds by Cher, who at the time was only 43 years old.
[edit] Guildford residents
People who live in Guildford are known as tight-fisted Guildfordians and there are many places that residents of Guildford can join or frequent. Such as; The Guildford Cruise, The Guildford Unbenevelonce Fund, The Women's Institute, Church flower rotaries, the Royal Grammar School and of course, The Guildford Schools Of Chavs And Tarts (Guildford County and King's College)
Some notable residents of Guildford include; Chris Evans (BBC DJ), Nelson Mandela and Walt Disney. All of which were members of The Guildford Social Retard Foundation. Guildford is also known for being the chillout zone for many old ladies or as they are known in Guildford; G.I.L.F's.
[edit] The Almighty Ruler of Guildford
Guildford is more supervised than anything, by the legendary 'bearded lady of guildford' who can be seen often in McDonalds in the Friary Centre watchfully guarding her loyal subjects. Her subjects take pictures of her like little perverts prancing in her wake and fulfilling her every need. She is an inspiration to many, an idol, a silver lining on the horizon, heck, she's even a God to most. In fact, a new cult, called Guilbarbism has arisen who answer the many of the moral questions regarding her highness, for example, the truth to her gender, the secrets of her charisma and whether she does in fact eat children or not. She is a mystic and magical idol of Guildford and many fear they will never know the truth of their wonderful leader.
As the Bearded Lady herself attracts so many visitors to the town centre of Guildford every year and because of the fact that there is a substantial increase in town revenue from this form of tourism, "Bearded Lady Day" is now being honoured in Guildford every year on the 11th June. On this day, the people of Guildford must wear strap on beards in honour of their most famous resident.
