Gulag
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“In Soviet Russia, GULAGS IMPRISON YOU!!!”
~ A Russian on gulag
The gulag vine is a rare Siberian plant used in making the delicacy dessert Gulag Pie. Gulag plays an important political and social role in Russia, as feeding criminals and political dissenters the wonderful pastry derived from the seeds of the gulag plant calms their weary souls, and makes them generally more easy-going. If it weren't for the yearly gulag harvest and the government's generous rationing of the plant, it is often theorized that the Russian Government would have had no choice but to send hundreds of thousands to forced labour camps.
[edit] A Few Notes on the History of Gulag Pie
Advances in agricultural technology first enabled large-scale farming and processing of the gulag around the year 1.
Though it had been commonly planted in the vegetable patches of sustenance farmers, the plant's need for specific and careful nurturing made it an impractical cash crop until the advent of the Avtomatizirovanoyeh Gulag Klona Mashina, or AGuKloM, (Pronounced Agyooklom), a precursor to many modern agricultural tools.
The AGuKloM revolutionized the Siberian economy and the land of small Russian farmers (about yea high) was soon bought up by gulag plantation owners, who became opulently wealthy and bought fancy red sports-troikas. Though the growing supply of gulag made the product more accessible, the plant would quickly rot when taken out of its frigid environs and thus was available only in specific locales and to the upper classes of Russia and neighbouring nations by special efforts of transportation.
It wasn't until the early 20th Century that advances in refrigeration technology made the dissemination and long-term storage of gulag practical, and, seeing a wonderful opportunity to serve his people, the Tsar created the Committee for the Dissemination of Gulag Among the People, or CoDGAP. This well-meaning organization, however, was unable to effect any substantive change, as the Bolsheviks seized power in 1917, and the CoDGAP was dissolved.
The Bolsheviks, well aware of the political potential of the gulag plant, quickly formed another committee called the Komityet na Pastyegayeh Drya Lyoodyei (Комитет на расстегае для людей), or KoNPaDLoo which established generous rationing of the gulag plants and encouraged criminals and freethinkers to eat ample portions of gulag pie.
