Gwen Stefani

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Sellout is spelled S-T-E-F-A-N-I

“I don't know what a hollaback girl is, all I know is that I want her dead.”

~ Brian Griffin on Gwen Stefani

“Her singing will make your ears bleed”

~ Captain Obvious on Gwen Stefani

Gwen Stefani (pronounced Gweeen Steph-A-Knee) is a glamorous American songwriter, self-proclaimed black woman, actress, Hollaback girl, and fashion designer who became famous for her "Elvira Hancock" image (although she is rumored to be a plastic sex doll that has been brought brought to life by Osama Bin Laden to bring chaos to to the world). She began practicing the dark arts at age 9, which soon developed into a full-blown obsession with the band R.E.M.. This obsession brought forth her desire for a name change and she decided on having a composite name of the most evil things (mostly artists) she could think of.

People realised she could sing when she joined the rock band No Doubt but she unfortunately turned chav and started mixing with R&B scum like Pharrell and Akon. It is well known that What You Waiting For was a generally good song but after that, she started releasing shit like Hollaback Hoe. She currently thinks she is black, what's known as Justin Timberlake Syndrome. It wouldn't be the worst thing if she had AIDS.

1 Life, Times, Marriage, and Loss of Husband
2 Fiddler on the Roof
3 Japanese Fetish
4 Discography

[edit] Life, Times, Marriage, and Loss of Husband

Gwen Stefani waiting for the next one to please her.

Gwen Stefani first met Superman when she was 12. Hercules, her adoptive parent, wanted her to choose someone else to date, but took an attractive young monster named Chewbacca. She and Chewbacca had married, and they had a Sweet Escape. They would fuck every night till 4 in the Morning. They eventually had 4 children: Love, Angel, Music, and Baby. But then Lex Luthor took her down and in order to get out, She had a few simple words:

"Wind it up! Wind it up! Yodelehiyodelehiyodelehihooooooo!"

This got her up to earth, where she and Chewbacca resided, but Jeffrey Dahmer had came up and sliced 'n' diced Chewbacca, and Ichi The Killer had gutted him with his shoeblade. To this day, Gwen is still in mourning.

Gwen married Rivers Cuomo of weezer. They kept their relationship secret for the world to never see, until they were discovered kissing.

Recently her husband had disappeared; no one ever saw him again. Now they are searching "The next one Gwen Stefani can play with".

[edit] Fiddler on the Roof

Following the release of Gwen Stefani's hit single, "(If I Were A) Rich Girl," and "Challah Back Girl," she was approached by representatives of the Walt Disney Company, namely Bob Ogre, regarding its adaptation as a musical. She signed onto the project immediately, and Fiddler on the Roof: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts opened on Broadway September 22, 2003 and ran for 3,242½ performances. The show was written by Oscar Hammerstein II and Elton John and starred Zero Mostel as Tevye, Stefani as Golde, and Judy Garland as Tzeitel. The story, which is a roman à clef describing Stefani's own upbringing in Chatham, tells of a young girl named Tzeitel growing up in the small Jewish shtetl, or village, of Anatevka, Russia, and her parents' scheme to lift the family out of poverty by producing a musical flop entitled Springtime for Hitler. One week before the opening, Stefani choked on a large turkey bone, and due to fears that she would be unable to sing, the showstopper "If I Were A Rich Girl" was given to Mostel's character and renamed "If I Were A Rich Man."

The show was later adapted into a film of the same name in which Frank Sinatra replaced Zero Mostel as Tevye. The plot of the film differs somewhat from that of the original show, most notably in that Tevye bears a greater resemblance to Frank Sinatra.

[edit] Japanese Fetish

In 2003, Gwen developed a serious obsession with Japanese girls known as harijuku girls. She used the money she made off of her divorce settlement with Elton John's first ex-husband to buy a villa in northern Japan and began to raise her own harijuku girls. It was thought that Gwen grew them from the seeds of the exotic tulip plant but she was later discovered to have made a deal with Michael Jackson. For every Japanese boy he kidnapped, he would also take his sister and give them to Gwen to raise as her own. By 2004, Gwen's new style had taken massive form with her slave-like harijuku girls to back her up. Never allowing them to speak, Gwen was forefront and centre in every interview, video and song in which they were always there. In an attempt to interview one of them in early 2005, Barbra Walters discovered that their vocal chords were actually removed from them upon adoption by Stefani's crew. Stefani, however, was livid that Barbra attempted to interview one of them while she had been occupied with Star Jones talking about child-adoptions. Stefani threatened legal action against Walters but was thrown out of court when the judge found that Ms. Walters wasn't actually trying to speak to the girls but to forcefeed them her own special homemade muffins. Gwen's obsession subsided by late 2006 but not enough for her to lock the girls away just yet. She has said in recent interviews that she plans on using them until they turn 18 at which case they are legally allowed to run rampant in the wilds of Alaska. Recently she is using harijuku girls to create an army for the biddings of osama bin laden, for the next attack. In the songe "The Sweet Escape" Stefani had the harajuku girls dress up in prison duds, possibly to comment on Japanese internment during WWII.