HIV
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|
| Hugh Grant Immunodeficiency Virus | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | The United |
| Phylum | Chordata |
| Class | Upper |
| Order | I'll have the prawn noodles and egg fried rice please. |
| Family | Annoyus Actorae |
| Genus | Poshus Effeminatus |
| Species | Britishus Stereotypa |
| Binomial Name | "That Bastard" |
| Primary Armament | Gormless Smile |
| Secondary Armament | Pithy stuttered comments |
| Power Supply | Overrated Romantic comedies |
| HP: | -100 |
| Mana Points: | -100 |
| Strength: | -100 |
| Intelligence: | -100 |
| Weight | Increasing |
| Length | 24ft |
| Special Attack | Vomit inducing spoken conclusion to every god awful film he's made |
| Conservation Status | Endangered (thankfully) |
“And we thought AIDS was bad!”
~ Half of Africa on Hugh Grant Immunodeficiency Virus
“Give us ya feck'n muney”
~ Bob Geldof on Charity appeal for Hugh Grant Immunodeficiency Virus
“Now here's-a virus I can-a relate to ”
~ Oscar Wilde on "comedy" Italian accents
Hugh Grant immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a retrovirus that causes acquired irratating dickhead syndrome (AIDS), a condition in humans in which the sufferer stars in a number of simillar romantic comedies and acts like a complete arse.
Infection with HIV occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, glances, hand shakes, breathing the same air as, or even thinking about infected person. The three major routes of transmission are protected sexual intercourse, watching Love Actually, or saying rather more than once in your lifetime.
Early Symptoms
- Foppish Haircut
- Raised temperature
- Tendancy to pick up prostitutes
- Slight lack of appetite
- Constant morronic smile
- Craving for anal sex
- Mild headaches
Later Symptoms
- Tendancy to become unfathomably rich for no apparent reason
- Shrinking of the genitals
- Shrinking of the Brain
- Slight cough
- Bizarre English accent
- Death
[edit] Treatment
There is currently no vaccine or cure for HIV, the only known method of prevention is to act as manly as possible, preferably with a thick Australian accent (Stay far away from stingrays if you use this method). Acting manly can be achieved by spitting, farting, talking with a very deep voice and watching lethal weapon 2, the manliest film ever made. However, as HIV is mainly contracted by watching romantic comedies, the infected persons are usually already in comas or criminally insane, thus making treatment nearly impossible. There are some drugs for HIV, however, they don't work. The only reason why HIV drugs are approved by the FDA is for the FDA to take all of your money before you die.
