HKN Donut Stand

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The HKN Donut Stand is a world-famous donut stand, located on the University of Michigan campus at the EECS building. Like such places as Canadian Tire or Super Asia, there is much more to the HKN Donut Stand than the name implies. In fact, the HKN Donut Stand was voted Best Place in the World by J.D. Power and Associates and attracts millions of tourists every year!

[edit] Why is it so incredibly popular?

You may wonder - why is the HKN Donut Stand so world-popular? The answer is simple - Euroipods. That's right, you can buy a brand-new Euroipod, exported fresh from Euro-land, right here in the US of ole' A. You also get one thing those Euro-chumps don't get with their Euroipod - free shipping (only pay a UPS fee, $40 surcharge, and 50% tax)!!! Additionally, there are several other things that make the HKN Donut Stand so popular. They are:

• Donuts presented by Geico (save 15% on your bowel movements!!!!!)
• Donuts presented by Aflac (ask about it at work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• AT&T Donuts presented by SCO (these taste like crap!!! AVOID)
• Free Manure provided by College Students in Local Bathrooms
• Hot Dogs provided by Home Depot (they have the best hot dogs - check em out!!!)
• A Plentiful Supply Of Urmomium
• Euroipod Dock Connectors Presented by Isuzu
• The International Brotherhood of the C Coder Local 419
• TASS - Fresh From Russia!
• Papa John's Pizza (yes, Papa John himself cooks it)
• Detroit
• Used Teamsters - Half Price!
• Coca Cola (currently a Class X Banned Substance at the University of Michigan)
• Mr. Engineer flavored sweat rags for sale! Guarenteed fresh
• Apple compatible bananas, plug them right into the USB

[edit] What is an HKN?

Glad you asked. An HKN is a Hong Kong Nuke. This is a special type of nuke, imported straight from Lik-Sang. It is known for it's destructive properties - ignite an HKN and EVERYBODY DIES!!! For that reason,HKNs must be used in moderation - just give them a small ignite when somebody pees you off - that way you'll just catch somebody's hair metal CD collection on fire rather than their whole hair.

Oh - you mean HKN (the group)? They are the Hong Kong Network, a rag-tag team of cops who sell pirate DVDs to people who want pirate DVDs. They only have the cool movies, though - no Fantastic Four or Euroipods - The Movie, only cool stuff like that Turkish documentary Batman and That Movie with That Guy In It That Won That Award. Anyway, they set up this donut stand in like 1946 where they sell donuts, land deeds in North Narnia, and - you got it - Euroipods. They're OK, but not as cool as the Hong Kong Nukes.

[edit] History of the HKN Donut Stand

In 1932, the HKN Donut Stand was open. It had one donut, which died of dysentery.

Later (1946), they got 13 more donuts. They also died of dysentery.

In-Between, they got 42 bear claws. 23 died of typhoid, and the rest forded the river. Those surviving were eated by grues.

Uber-Later (2001), they got WMD(Donuts) - they hid them in a cave behind the EECS building, never to be seen again (I should tell W about this, though, he has been looking for those Donuts for YEARS!!!).

Yocto-Later(2005), they got Euroipods. They are now world-wide-popular and have been covered in such publications as the New York daily Buttcrack-Picayune and the Times (of Joe's Dorm Room, NOT of New York or London).

Femto-Later(2006), they got Intel chips. Eat them and run 4-5 times faster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uber-Yocto-Femto-Later(20x6) - ALL BASE YOUR NINJA CLAWS!!!

[edit] Rumors about the HKN Donut Stand

Several rumors are floating around concerning the HKN Donut Stand. They are:

• New tables (in a cool shade of blue!!!)
• Franchising (possibly even in Europe, where they would sell Ameroipods rather than Euroipods)
• Acceptance of the Iraqi dinar
• An appearance by the Real Slim Shady
• Acceptance of Legal Chicken Tender as Tender
• A war (now THAT would be worth watching!)
• World Series of POKER!!!!!
• Euroipod Nanos
• Free HKNs (Hong Kong Nukes)
• Its destruction to make way for a hyperspace bypass to Hell, Michigan
• They have one of the few mini fridges that don't have a box of baking soda in them! Don't look behind not last meeting's Lucky Kitchen, but the meeting before that one which is next to Domino's from the meeting before the one before that one
• Adam Garglezomper7 keeps his pet Murloc hidden in the "secret" hole in the wall made by Sushil's fist
• A SWE member once went into the HKN Office and was never seen again
• TBP was able to "decorate" the HKN Office door without any reprecussions
• Minesweeper manual written in bork! bork! bork! on the lid of a pizza box

[edit] Go there!!!

Go to the HKN Donut Stand!! Whatever you're doing - go - NOW!! I don't care if you're in Euroipod-land and have to catch a 57-foot jet to get there for a couple denarii. Just GO THERE - YOU WON'T BE DI SSA PPOINTED!!! Strongbad recommended it with 6 out of 4 stars - saying the HKN donut stand was a "best buy - passed all Homestar crash tests". Even if you don't even live on this planet, go there. Yo will be fatwa'd and arrow'd II if you don't, so call the 800 number now, shizzaw!!!!!!

[edit] Chicago Fire of 1677

In 2005, there was a Chicago Fire of 1677 that burnt down the whole darned place (well, not really, only in the video game). Good-bye. But wait, the stand just did a total Aslan and kicked the White Witch's BOOTAY!!! Since then, the stand has won countless awards, including Best Donut Stand, Best Supporting Donut Stand, and Best Continental Tire Bowl Ever!!!