Hades
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“I am ruler of the underworld, noob, not you.”
~ Don Vito Corleone on Hades
“Look, I hate zoo break it zoo you..but I am ruler of ze undervorld! I killed more zhan 3 million! Beat zhat!”
~ Hitler on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“Oh really? And you're going to tell me all the deaths I have caused count for nothing? I think I should be ruler of the underworld.”
~ Usama Bin Laden on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“I killed over 9000 Persians at Thermoplyae. That's gotta count something!!”
~ Leonidas on ruling the Underworld position
“I killed famous Greek Heroes and Gods!! The position should be mine!!”
~ Kratos on Underworld position
“Hey, hey why do I get the feeling everyone's excluding me? I orch..orches..orchestra...DID 9/11 you know, the position is rightly mine!”
~ George W Bush on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“I bet I've raped more kids than you've caused deaths! That's got to count for something...”
~ Michael Jackson on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“WTF?”
~ T'ckchnack'lqueztlexrchkcle on this article
“We have killed (and raped) more than all of you put together!”
~ Russian Mafiya on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“You know this will never be resolved if you keep arguing, maybe I should just act as interim Ruler of the Underworld for now..”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Ruler of the Underworld position
“FUCK OFF WILDE, THIS DOES NOT CONCERN YOU”
~ Don Vito Corleone, Hitler, Usama Bin Laden, Leonidas, Kratos, George W Bush, Michael Jackson and The Russian Mafiya on Oscar Wilde's interference
“Everything concerns me you little twits.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the above quote
[edit] Tradition
Followers of Hades (namely Gypsies, Scholars, the insane,gay, David Hasselhoff, Short people, Pacifists, Keanu Reeves, Gypsies, George Lucas, The Retarded and Gypsies) have a strict religious regieme every morning which they believe they must follow to the letter unless they are forced to become Transvestites, She-Males', Male-Shes', Goats, Rocks or Lumps of Fat.
The daily religious routine is often too difficult for many as the incessant two-hour starjumps at 3am, the 'eat a whole turkey raw' feast every evening at 10pm and the 'balance entire body on one finger to gain Hades's blessing' leave many collapsed on floors and sofa's, unable to breathe, struggling to breath or simply dead.
The main tradition that most followers of Hades participate in, is the weekly 'Gypsie Day' event. The event is based on Hades's legendary battle with the Gypsie Lord who almost succeeded in his nefarious plans to cover the world in horses, carts, Gypsieitis and unwashed socks.
The event simply honours Hades by all followers of Hades grabbing any weaponry available and going Gypsie hunting. Often, the event draws to a close merely 10 minutes after it starts as Gypsies who follow Hades are forced to kill each other and finally themselves, believing they will gain access to the Underworld where they can 'smell' in peace without ever having to wash themselves...ever.. which is really disgusting and it sucks, and people who dont really stink and are stupid, just like these ppl...really, ever... For Gypsies, this is the ultimate goal in life as their status is determined by the level of their smell. Gypsie leaders often carry in their filth-ridden brown coats a number of dead animals as well as soaking themselves in milk. Gypsie county ministers often stuff unwashed socks in their pockets as a status of their level.
[edit] Underworld
Despite its bright and cheerful name, the Underworld is believed and presumed by many to be a single 5 by 5 metre room somewhere in infinity. This creates a dilema at times, when scholars argue that with all that space, there will never be enough people to fit within it. Many think it is because the Underworld is assumed to have pink wallpaper as well as a pink fluffy pillow somewhere within the cavernous space of the Underworld.
The Underworld itself is believed to have only one entry, a tiny glass window which the deceased must squeeze through to gain access to the Underworld, only after being chased by and escaping Hades's pet and Underworld guardian - Fluffy. Despite previous assumptions about 'Cerberus', a three headed dog, religious believers were shocked by the 23rd Edition of the Holy book - 'Me, Myself and Hades' which contained knowledge about a much fiercer and powerful guardian - Hades's Pygmy Goat Fluffy.
Despite its weak and cute appearance, which is its deceiving ability, Fluffy is able to do +5 attacks a turn with a +20 strength bonus for a -2 mana loss. Fluffy is level 255 and the n00bz get pwnzered with his instant "ub3r pwnt" attack (666 damage per second). Faced with these odds around 90% of people never make it to the Underworld and are forced to camp outside the entrance using nothing but their clothes and human hair.
The Underworld is ruled by Hades' proxy, EMPEROR OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING Richard Plantagenet (Richard III).
[edit] Hades, Illinois
Hades is also city located in St. Clair County, Illinois, USA, directly across the Mississippi River from St. Louis, Missouri. As of the 2000 census, the city had a total population of 31,542. One of the highlights of the city's waterfront is the Gateway Geyser, the world's tallest fountain, which spews water to a height of 600 feet and is designed to mirror the Gateway Arch across the river in St. Louis.
Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Amor═╤═Gaea │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┴────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Tom Cruise Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley │ │ ...And you... │ ┌────┴─────┐ │ Diabeetis Meow Mix cheating
