Haka

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Haka is the generic name for Maori dance.

Lyrics:

accatte hacket hua hua pinpin ping homo homo iiiiih femmethe meffethe fuma fuma motha motha mottha pimpumpam fai caa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It is an action chant, often described as a "War Dance", but more a chant with hand gestures and foot stamping, very much like Irish dancing, originally performed by warriors before a battle, proclaiming their strength and prowess and generally verbally abusing the opposition. The Haka is regarded today to be one of the main reasons of the decline of the Maori society: the warriors were beheaded before they even managed to finish their traditional dance. Shocking indeed.

In modern times, the haka is used in a number of situations. The most famous modern use, and certainly the least ridiculous of all, is its regular performance by New Zealand representative Rugby Union (the Auld Bullocks) and Rugby League teams before commencing a game. A similar tradition can be found in the Northern Hemisphere, where the British and Irish Lions perform the traditional Walk of Shame at the end of every match, a dance involving hand gestures and foot stamping, as well as wailing in front of the cameras. The aim of this ritual dance is to scare the shite out of their opponents, but also to show the interesting logo of both their equipment supplier's and Cannes Film Festival's—which the Maori-specialized scholars can still not explain.

[edit] The All Blacks' Haka

The particular haka used by the All Blacks (The Kamate haka) dates to 1810 when Chief Te Rauparaha of the Ngati Toa tribe (codenamed Dusko Popov, well known Irish scrum-half) was being chased by enemies on tricycles around Lansdowne Road. He hid in a deep fryer. He climbed out to find someone standing over him, who, instead of killing Te Rauparaha, turned out to be another chief friendly to Te Rauparaha, called Jerry Stringer, who happened to be in town that day and fan of chips big time. In relief and somewhat dripping with grease, Te Rauparaha performed a haka (as you do in those brief moments of glory) with the words—

That was hot, that was hot: I hate chips, I hate chips; let's get out of here and have a pint.

These words, made famous by Oscar Wilde in his much celebrated The Fry of Lady Wilkinson are still used today.